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How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

As you get older, it is all too easy to get in a rut - with fixed viewpoints, stuck emotions, ways of being that others can see clearly but you just think are 'right'. A life full of safe solutions. But if you start to shut out new experiences, or if you take less interest in new things, so your capacity for enjoying life diminishes. You stay in your comfort zone, and as you get older, your comfort zone gets smaller and smaller. This is harmful because you not only stop doing things that scare you, but you also stop doing things that give you pleasure.

You need to stop worrying and start living, not just to be happy but for health reasons too. Feeling good is not just a luxury, it is a vital necessity for good health and long life. There is scientific research that supports this. In 1973, Dr Ronald Grossarth-Maticek undertook an experiment on more than 3000 elderly Germans. He measured how often they felt pleasure. In 1994 he followed up and found that those with the highest scores were 30 times more likely to be alive and well than those with low scores.

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Can you remember the last time you had a moment of pure joy? It is possible to change your life so that you have that delightful feeling as often as you want...

The good news is that you're a human and not a monkey. You have the advantages of using your conscious mind to overcome any and all psychological insecurities. That's what's so cool about personal development. If you are suffering from insecurity issues, you should be doing LOTS of personal development every day, and also meditation every day, and that will eventually solve all your issues. It's up to you to undertake this process. There's no reason to stay afraid, depressed or unfulfilled for the rest of your life.

Build Your Self Confidence!

be confident

Problems with poor self confidence or low self esteem can effectively ruin your life. Anyone who has ever suffered in this way knows how difficult it makes things. Your work suffers - interviews can become terrifying, promotion prospects fade as job performance suffers, you avoid networking, public speaking is horrible, and so on. Social life can become painful instead of fun - meeting new people becomes a struggle, even going out with friends can be hard. And even if you manage to bravely force yourself to keep doing these things, the sparkle goes out of life when everything is a struggle. But it doesn't have to be like this...

Luckily, developing self confidence and beating low self-esteem are easy once you know how. It's no accident that some people seem to be highly confident. They simply know how to do it! Belief in yourself and your abilities is a skill, it can be learned, and it can be learned much more easily with the aid of gentle, light hypnosis.

Modern techniques of hypnosis are nothing like the stereotyped dangling watch, with commands like "when I click my fingers you will forget who you were and become..." That manipulative old approach is neither helpful nor effective. With modern therapeutic hypnosis the techniques are not at all manipulative and they are extremely effective. YOU are the one who is in control!

Modern methods are about helping you to change your mind-set, through giving you powerful information in a relaxed and open state of mind, so that you can get past the self-erected barriers in your thinking, overcome your fears, and adopt effective new strategies to transform your life.

I used to be frighteningly lacking in confidence in social situations. And although people who know me now would never believe it, I used to doubt myself so much that I literally had to learn confidence until it became a natural part of me. I can tell you: relaxed optimistic confidence is just, well, so much more fun! Here I'll tell you about the things that made the most difference to my confidence levels...

Some people have naturally high levels of confidence but everybody can learn to be more confident. Firstly, it's important to get a clear idea of what self confidence really means, otherwise you won't know when you've got it! So, self confidence means:

  1. Being calm. For every situation in life you need to run on the appropriate level of emotion. Too much emotional 'leakage' into a experience can spoil the experience. You make great strides towards confidence when you begin to relax in a greater range of situations.

  2. Being cool. The second part of self confidence is about being able to relax with uncertainty. To be 'cool' in a situation really means relaxing with not knowing how things will pan out. If you truly tolerate uncertainty, you can do pretty much anything.

  3. Not being too concerned with what others think of you. You know when you imagine what some place is going to be like before you go there but when you get there it is totally different to your imagination? That's how reliable your imagination is! Stop trusting your imagination so much. I've long since stopped bothering to imagine what others think of me because so often I've turned out to be wrong.

  4. Being specific - where do you want confidence? 'Confidence' is meaningless until you tie it to something specific. You are already confident that you can read these words or can switch a light on and off. So you don't need more confidence everywhere. To get what you want in life you have to establish exactly what you do want. Where do you want confidence in your life? Think about the specific situations now and write them down. You beginning to steer your brain towards confidence.

  5. Understanding that what you expect is what you get. Your brain is an organ that needs clear goals to work towards. When a task has been set in your brain it will do everything it can do to bring about the completion of that task. If you've tried to recall someone's name but can't, hours later you'll often find their name pops into your head.

    The 'trying to recall' experience set the task or blueprint for your brain's future subconscious behavior which eventually produced the name for you - when you weren't thinking about it consciously. You can use this natural mechanism to start feeling more confident. But, to ensure you set the right task for your subconscious mind, the next point is vital.

  6. Don't task your mind with negatives. Instead of: 'I don't want to screw up' (which sets the task of 'screwing up' for your brain), set the blueprint for what you do want! Your brain doesn't work towards what to do by being told what not to do. And nature has given you a wonderful natural tool to set the right task blueprints with.

  7. Use nature's goal-setter: Now you understand how vital it is to set the right task for you brain, you need to know how to do this reliably. Good hypnosis will strongly 'program' the right blueprint in your mind through the use of your imagination. If you powerfully imagine feeling confident and relaxed while in a relaxed hypnotic state it will be hard for your unconscious mind to do anything else. The blueprint for relaxation has been set firmly into your subconscious mind.
3 simple strategies to get you feeling confident quickly:
  1. Think specifically of the time/place/situation you want to feel confident in. Remember 'confidence' doesn't mean anything until you attach it to something specific.

  2. Focus on words in your mind right now that describe how you do want to be in that time and place. Maybe words such as 'calm', 'relaxed' or 'focused'. Remember your brain works on clear positive instructions.

  3. Close your eyes for as long as you like and think about how those words feel. Then, imagine the situation itself and rehearse it in your mind feeling confident and relaxed. This way you set the right blueprint or 'task' for your unconscious mind.
You can repeat this often to make it more effective and use it with as many areas of your life as you need to. If you listen to a hypnotic cd or download that can make the benefits even more powerful. So if you feel like you've been blessed with less confidence than other people you can start redressing the balance by using your mind in the right way - right now!

It took me years to learn how to be more confident - now you can do it in a fraction of the time. Good luck!

Get the Hypnosis Download: Boost Your Self Confidence Now

Watch the video: What is Hypnosis?

Meet the People: About Hypnosis Downloads & Uncommon Knowledge

7 Ways to Soothe Your Shyness

Shy people instinctively know that they are missing out. Shyness equals lost opportunities, less pleasure and fewer social connections. Shyness can be crippling but there are tried and tested ways to make it a thing of the past.

When I was fifteen I was shy. I recall an attractive girl attempting to engage me in conversation. My shyness made me focus on me instead of her. I heard my own voice but not hers and I thought about what I was trying to say instead of what she was trying to say.

The formula for shyness is "too much focus on the self" plus anxiety. To make it even more unpleasant, sometimes when you are feeling shy you experience physical sensations which 'hijack' your calm logical self.

My pulse raced, my mouth dried up and I felt like the village idiot! I couldn't think what to say so I said nothing apart from making barely audible grunting noises! Cary Grant eat your heart out! When I detected pity in her eyes (or was it contempt, or boredom) I mumbled my excuse and got out of there. I hated being shy and was determined to change it.

How shyness is developed and maintained
Shyness really is a combination of social anxiety and social conditioning. To overcome shyness you need to learn to relax socially. This enables you to direct your attention away from yourself and gives you the space to practice certain conversational skills. In most cases, the heightened emotions of socializing when young simply condition the sufferer to respond to social events with fear, instead of excitement and pleasure.

Relaxed socializing is so pleasurable, not to say productive, but it is an advantage denied to many until they learn to relax. To start reducing your own shyness, I want you to absorb the following tips and ideas and start to put them into practice:

  1. Think about the way you feel and behave around familiar people you are comfortable and spontaneous around. It's that feeling transferred to new people and situations that equates to your emerging social confidence.

  2. Focus your attention away from yourself. Sure, you can think a little bit about how you are coming across, but if all your focus is on your own words and feelings then you might as well be by yourself. Notice what other people are wearing and make a mental note, listen to their conversation, imagine where they might live, make a point of remembering names. Not only does this give you more to talk about, it also 'dilutes' social anxiety leaving you feeling calmer.

  3. Ask people open questions. Many people like to talk about themselves and will find you interesting if you find them interesting. Ask questions that require more than a 'yes'/'no' response such as 'What do you like about this place?' rather than: 'Do you like this place?' Once they've answered use 'add-on' questions connected to the first such as: 'What other places do you like in this city…?' Next you can express your views. This is a great way to get the conversation going. If the conversation doesn't 'take' then no matter, you've done your bit.

  4. Stop trusting your imagination so much! Have you ever had an imaginary picture in your mind of a holiday destination only to arrive and find the reality is different from the way you had imagined? That's how reliable imagination is. Stop imagining what others think. I do lots of public speaking and I've long since stopped trying to second guess what others think of me - it's just too painful. Besides, what a person thinks about you has a lot more to do with who they are than who you are.

  5. Stop using 'all or nothing' thinking. The 'completely this/completely that' style of thought occurs when you are emotional. People who are depressed, angry or anxious see reality in terms of differing extremes, simplistic all or nothing terms. An angry person is 'right' and you are 'wrong'; the depressed person feels like a 'failure' while others are a 'success'. In reality, life is composed of infinite gray areas. So stop fearing that you might say the 'wrong' thing! Or that people will 'hate' you. Once you start to relax more socially you'll notice much less black or white thinking because anxiety actually causes you to think in all or nothing terms.

  6. Take your time. You don't have to blurt things out. Ask questions and if questions are asked of you can take time to consider your response (within reason). Don't just blurt out what you think might be the 'right' answer. A slow answer is a relaxed answer.

  7. Finally, use hypnotic rehearsal. Hypnosis is the quickest way to change your instinctive/emotional response to any situation. Only think about meeting others when your mind and body is relaxed. This conditions you to associate relaxation with being around new people. In fact you'll find that when you relax deeply enough often enough whilst hypnotically rehearsing being comfortable around others you'll reach the point where you just can't be shy any more! This is what I call a 'happy inability!'

I now love meeting new people and suspect that my current social confidence would be unrecognizable to my fifteen year old self.

Get the Life You Want!

Changing your life for the better isn't easy. You know what you want but getting it seems a lifetime away. Family commitments, financial problems and fear of the unknown can all hold you back - but going for your goals can give your life the boost it needs. Happiness often depends on how close you are to what you would like to be. Here, we take the first steps towards finding the new you.

  1. Make a list of things you used to enjoy in the past - aim for 10 or 15 activities. Put a tick next to those you still enjoy. From the others, pick one activity and do it in the next week - yes, do it!

  2. Force yourself out of the comfort zone. Taking steps to push out the boundaries of your experience will ensure that you continue to enjoy life. Think of an activity that you normally wouldn't consider, such as taking a cold shower. Each day turn the water from hot to cold while you're under the shower, and gradually lengthen the time you stay there each day until it's a minute or more. After a week, turn on the cold water for just 10 seconds - it should seem easy: Your comfort zone has expanded.

Of course, this takes self-control. For this week, every time your lazy or scared self wants to say 'No', say 'Yes'. It should be quite an educational experience.

Decide what you want
Write down five things that are really important to you: they might include a nice house, loving supportive partner, the chance to travel, a good job, etc. Now look at your current life and see how it matches up. These questions can help you pinpoint problem areas:

What are you doing that you want to do?
What are you doing that you don't want to do?
What are you not doing that you want to do?

In the light of this information, clarify your goals. Be specific - before you can plan how to achieve a goal it needs to be stated in a way that is realistic, measurable and time-targeted.

Your action plan should be broken down into manageable chunks - the steps you know you can make that, one by one, will take you to where you want to go.

Unpredicted obstacles may occur so it is important to stay flexible and to think laterally. Life is a game - think of it like that and don't take anything too seriously. Enjoy the challenges life offers!

Some Tips to Conquer Melancholy

Being lonely is a normal part of our everyday lives. We get sad when we fail in our exams, when we're rejected by the person we love, or when someone very close to us passes away. Depression, however, has consequences that could ruin your self-esteem, health, and well-being. Here are some simple tips to conquer the melancholic mood and get the most out of your daily activities...
  1. Get Enough Light and Sunshine.
    Lack of exposure to sunlight is responsible for the secretion of the hormone melatonin, which could trigger a dispirited mood and a lethargic condition. Melatonin is only produced in the dark. It lowers the body temperature and makes you feel sluggish. If you are always cooped up in your room (with the curtains closed), it would be difficult not to feel a bit down. This is the reason why many people suffer from depression much more often in winter than in the other seasons. It's because the days are shorter. If you can't afford to get some sunshine, you can always lighten up your room with brighter lights. Have lunch outside the office. Take frequent walks instead of driving your car over short distances.

  2. Get Busy. Get Inspired.
    You'll be more likely to overcome any feeling of depression if you are too busy to notice it. Live a life full of inspired activities. Do the things you love. If you're a little short on cash, you could engage in simple activities like taking a leisurely stroll in the park, playing sports, reading books, or engaging in anything that you have a passion for and love to pursue. Find a goal, a meaningful purpose in life - something that really gets you going, and sets your heart on fire. No matter how difficult or discouraging life can be, remain firm and have an unshakable belief that you are capable of doing anything you set your heart on. With this kind of positive attitude, you will attain a cheerful disposition to beat the blues.

  3. Take a Break.
    Listen to soothing music. Soak in a nice warm bath. Ask a close friend to massage you. Take a break from your stressful workload and spend the day just goofing around. In other words, have fun.

  4. Eat Right and Stay Fit.
    Avoid foods with lots of sugar, caffeine, or alcohol. Sugar and caffeine may give you a brief moment of energy; but they are stimulants and later bring about anxiety, tension, and health problems. Alcohol on the other hand is a depressant. Many people drink alcohol to "forget their problems," but the problems remain and only seem more oppressive, not less.

    Exercising regularly is a vital depression buster because it allows your body to produce more endorphins than usual. Endorphins are sometimes called "the happy chemicals" because of their stress-reducing and happiness-inducing properties.

  5. Get a Social Life.
    No man is an island. Your circle of friends are there to give you moral support. Spending time and engaging in worthwhile activities with them could give you a very satisfying feeling. Nothing feels better than having group support. Friends are important - not to have many shallow ones but just a few really genuine ones. To find such friends you simply have to be friendly yourself, then friendships naturally follow.

    Never underestimate the power of touch and support. Doesn't it feel so good when someone pats you on the back and gives you words of encouragement during your most challenging times? Hug or embrace someone today. You may have changed another's life.

    Get intimate. Establish close ties with your family and friends. The love and care expressed by others can tremendously boost your immune system and fend off illnesses. Best of all, you'll live a more secured and happy life.

These are all things you can do for yourself, to fill your life with enjoyment, pride, affection and enthusiasm. There will probably still be issues causing anger, sadness, anxiety, guilt or frustration that remain. The mind is complex and heavily conditioned into patterns of behavior and fixed thinking that require a course of practical training to resolve. And there are many life skills you may want to improve and new ways of thinking that you might not have considered.

The Dilemma
To laugh is to risk appearing a fool
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental
To reach out for another is to risk involvement
To expose feelings is to risk rejection

To place your dreams before a crowd is to risk ridicule
To love is to risk not being loved in return
To go forward in the face of overwhelming odds
is to risk failure

But risks must be taken
because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

The person who risks nothing
does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.

He may avoid suffering and sorrows,
but he cannot learn, feel, change, grow, or love.

Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave -
he has forfeited his freedom.

Only a person who takes risks is FREE

Why Do Personal Development?

All too often our personal development has already ended by the time we reach adulthood. We've 'grown up' and know enough to hold down a job. If we are fortunate we find our niche and as much as possible solve the problems of survival, then we stick with those solutions. But our upbringing hasn't taught us most of what we need to know in order to make the most of our potential, to have truly fulfilling careers and relationships.
We've learned to play a role but our emotions may scare and mystify us. We may not have learned to express our needs nor to listen generously to others. We may have lost touch with the intuitive and creative faculties that we knew as children and now try to work things out analytically, hampered by the false information indoctrinated into us.
We cling to a set of beliefs and our minds become less and less open. We may not even like ourselves much, far short of recognizing the power and loving nature of our inner, spiritual selves. Our personal development has only begun; surely it should not stop there?
A natural trait of humans is to be constantly developing, growing and moving toward a balanced and mature way of being. Our present personality is determined by both who and what we have been and by the person we strive to become. The goal of personal development is to learn and apply that which enables us to attain emotional wellbeing, understanding and effectiveness, and mindful awareness, and to share this knowledge with others.
Personal development is the conscious evolution of human nature, and yet throughout history it has been sorely lacking! Although it is in our nature to learn and grow, we are held back by our culture, which is predominantly focused on survival needs, each of us in competition with others, and our spiritual inner nature is repressed. The animal in us rules. We make no room for unconditional love.
Personal Development
Even though the culture may have evolved with technological advancement and administrative complexity, human nature has not moved forward as it might. Our consciousness and mindfulness remain as always. We are now paying the price for Mankind's selfishness and inconsideration. Going forward, the quality of our lives on this planet - even our survival - now depends on each of us taking responsibility for our personal growth.
Trans4mind aims to support your personal growth by providing resources that both educate and inspire, leading on to our training and coaching services. These will empower you through the gaining of further self-knowledge - and encourage the implementation of your insights in practical ways that can transform your life.
The human being needs to awaken to the soul that inhabits each body and is our true self and source of inner knowing. Awaken through a process of self-discovery, leading to one's own, self-directed spirituality. We need to become mindfully conscious instead of ruled by the dictates of instincts, past habits and fixed beliefs. We need to throw away dogma, open our minds and reconsider. Instead of fear about our survival and competitive angst, we will then be motivated by compassionate understanding and creative love.
This is personal development making the human heart visible!
For those that do move forward, the next epoch will be a celebration of human cooperation and shared love. It's our best hope for the future - and it's in our hands.
Trans4mind's vision is to help make the human heart visible in community world-wide by harnessing the full potential of the Internet...
A good first step is the free online 30-lesson Positive Approach Course. Become more clear about your own identity, what you want in life - your life vision - and how to consciously transform your life for the better.
If you are interested in the spiritual path, the Love is All You Need page is for you. It contains a wonderful selection of methods and meditations that are really quite transformative. Plus Your Inner Truth, a phenomenal range of journaling tools to help you find the truth of your situation. You may feel stressed, or confused, there may be a lot going on and choices to make that seem a bit overwhelming. Or you may simply need time with yourself, to decide what is it you really want... and just who are you, really?
Also see the page Tools for Transformation, describing our wide range of personal development resources.
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