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Getting into Rapport Quickly - even with difficult people.

 
  This is a hidden technique of influence. You can affect anyone with this technique, without their knowledge, and they may be affecting you with it without yours! You can learn this technique to influence others and know when they use it to influence you.

Here's how:

Mirror their

  • Breathing,
  • Body posture,
  • Voice, Speech Rate
  • Inflection and
  • Speak at the rate they are breathing, saying your most important words when they are exhaling.

How do you know when they are inhaling and exhaling?

When someone is talking they are exhaling, when they stop they are inhaling. So, when they are talking you should be breathing out, and when they stop talking (for a gasp of breath!) You should breath in.

How do you tell whether they are inhaling or exhaling when they are not talking? Look at their shoulders (not at their chest!!!) and notice the rise and fall of their shoulders against the background. Try looking at them at different angles, to determine what is best for you. When you speak at the rate they are breathing, using the same tone of voice as they are, you are irresistible. It is as if you are their own unconscious mind speaking to them.

As you breath in rapport with them, begin to experience the emotion you want them to feel. Gradually turn it up. Eventually, you will have created in them a state of extreme excitement, or whatever emotion you wished to create in them. Or another may have done the same to you! So make sure you learn this technique!

15 Seconds to Mirror and Match!

When Matching the posture and mannerisms of another it is important to wait about 10 seconds or more before you match, otherwise the technique may be obvious. Get the idea of how long this is! Ten seconds is about the time we listen and wait when we hear a strange sound, and we wait to find out more. If we hear nothing else, we tend to forget what we heard before.

Are you aware of how easy it is to change when you know how to?

This short article is written by Ken Ward.

Ken Ward and Peter Shepherd are co-authors of The New Life Course.

Most recent revision 11 November 1999
Copyright 1998,1999 Ken Ward,
All Rights Reserved.

For more information please visit: The New Life Course