|Conflict is a part of worldly life. Or, more accurately, opposition exists within
everything we do. Our last posting looked at resolving issues within ourselves where we
want to do something, but seem to do something else, or we don't want to do something, but
seem to do it anyway. Our internal conflicts are played out in the world, sometimes with
Normally we will label one part as good and the other part as bad. We then pour in our energy to make the good part as strong as possible and try to weaken the bad part. The bad part, of course, resists all the more. This creates a game - perhaps a deadly evil game - where all parts suffer and nothing is really resolved.
In 6-step reframing, we find the positive intention of the part that seems to be causing us trouble and take the road of agreement. In taking this road we do not sacrifice any of our true wants or beliefs. We get what we want, and so does the other. Yet the really important things are achieved and we avoid the things we do not want.
In 6-step reframing, we mentioned that there may be some parts which might disagree with the solution we have found for the first part. And we suggested that these parts may need reframing too. We can enhance the technique by using what we will call Polarity Integration. However, this is just one way of integrating polarities.
So, let's get started.
First identify a part of you that seems to do or not do what you want. We are interested in behaviour here, so you might note some behaviour that you don't want to start with. Try to pick something not terribly important to start with. Let's use an example. Say you go very quiet when talking to authority figures. You clam up. This is just an example for use to use as we go through the process.
First identify a part of you that controls this behaviour. If this part were you, then you'd just stop it. So its a part that does this. It is, of course, your part and you are responsible for it.
Now try to find an opposite part which opposes this first part. Now recognise that this too is a part of you. It might be one closer to you heart, but it is a part. If it wasn't, then you could do or not do what it wants.
So at the end of the first step, you have:
Identified the parts
Recognised they are parts and not you
Realised that because they are parts, you can study them (rather than be them).
Now go back to the first part, Part A, and ask it what it is doing? Find its positive intention. Find out what it is trying not to do. And what it is definitely not doing.
Find out about Part B in the same way.
Discover how the parts relate to each other. Do they exist at different times, or at the same time. If one part is active and another isn't, they might not know the other exists!
Get the good qualities of each part and what each part is lacking. (You might want to write this down). Avoid getting naughty things about the parts, but find out what it is lacking, what it would like to have as a good quality, but thinks it hasn't got!
Having got into communication with the parts, you will probably have got them on the left and on the right of you. Remember, as with 6-step reframing we avoid going into the parts. We treat them as different and separate from ourselves.
Get the parts into communication with each other. Ask what would Part A say to Part B. And ask the same for Part B. You can ask these questions more than once.
Ask them if they like each other. If they envy parts of each other. If they love each other. You may be surprised at the answers to these questions!
Because these parts are apparent opposites, there is something that the other part has which the part wants. So there is always something to admire, like, or what have you, about the other.
We really want them to realise that they are parts of each other. Even if they are two sides of the same coin.
You could ask them what game they are playing with each other!
Each part has something that the other lacks. For example, if we are shy with authority figures, there is a part of us which gets what it wants - the shyness - and a part which doesn't get what it wants - the part that wants to be more positive. Both parts will have something the other wants.
Get the parts to exchange qualities. You might imagine the two parts exchanging energy so that each gives the other something it wants.
Are the parts uniting? If something is holding them back, then find out what it is. It might be they need to exchange more qualities or energy. If so let them do so.
To speed up the process of unifying you could imagine one part in one hand, and the other in the other hand. Bring your hands together only as quickly as you can bring about a smooth reconciliation of the parts.
Do the process in an easy and relaxed way. You might need to come back to the process and do some more work. If they think they are better kept separate, but much closer than before, this is fine. Don't force them.
Now, ask yourself:
If you had all the good qualities of the parts and could do what they do, how would your future life be different? Let your imagination run wild here, if you want.
Notice what effect this technique has on your life.
Most Recent Revision: 4-Apr-99.
Copyright © 1998, 1999 Ken Ward,
All Rights Reserved.