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Disagreement

Sometimes we are told we get on better with people when we
agree with them.Yet it is part of our experience that
disagreement is probably the way re make true friends, etc.

Certainly, to agree all the time is to be sycophant, and no
one really val our opinions. Yet agreement is a very
important interpersonal skill.Certainly with people we
don't know, we do better by agreeing where we can.A better
way of putting this might be we might understand others.
Even if someone does disagree with us, we might feel strong
empathy with them if we think they understand us or
understand the issue.

The nature of our universe is conflict and disagreement. We
want a new car,but we need to spend the money on something
else. Or we cannot make our minds up which car to get.

When we are in love with someone or perhaps 'in passion'
with them. A lot about them is acceptable to us when under
normal circumstances it would be even offensive.

When someone is the 'light of our life' we might accept
their views on things which we really basically disagree
with.

I suppose a problem with relationships is that after the
'passion' stage, we start to look at the things we agreed
with or 'put up with'.

To put this extremely, the girl-friend of a gangster might
support him unquesionably, whereas is she was not involved
with him she would be crying for his severe punishment.

Later on, when such people look back on their lives they
might feel extreme guilt or shame to think they had behaved
as they did.

Disagreement can help a relationship or an understanding to
progress.However, mere disagreement without understanding
and reason may be destructive. It helps increase
understanding when we search and question why we think, etc,
differently from the other person or people.

In fact, in all disagreements there are areas of agreement
and disagreement.Sometimes a disagreement is a
misunderstanding. The classic disagreement is between Israel
and Egypt where they both wanted the same land. Israel
wanted Security. Egypt sovereignty. Expressed in these terms
an agreement could be reached. At the level of land
ownership there was no possible agreement. But by clarifying
each others needs in the matter, an agreement could
be reached.

In life, agreements are a temporary state. Today's law of
science is tomorrow's silly superstition! Hopefully the
process of agreement and disagreement progresses to greater
understanding. But both are needed.

Perhaps agreement is always possible, if we can isolate the
needs and wants of those concerned. But without the initial
disagreement there would not have been the analysis and the
growth of new understanding.

In spiritual development there is often the 'Dark night of
the soul',wherein progress seems to be halted and we are
getting nowhere, or even going backwards. Yet out of this we
can bring about a greater undertanding which leads us
onwards in our quest.


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Most Recent Revision: 4-Apr-99.
Copyright 1998, 1999 Ken Ward,
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