[Articles on Communication][Freeing the Mind - Articles on Personal Development]


Personal Equality

When something means something else, then we are
making an equation. We are saying that something is
something else.

For example, 'You were grumpy with me so you don't
care'. The speaker is saying that being grumpy means
that you don't care. We are saying that A equals A.

In a way, this is never really true. Grumpiness
doesn't mean lacking a caring attitude. But often we
assume it has this meaning although we fail to realise

We can, of course, step back and realise that
'Grumpiness' is just a word, and the thing we are
calling grumpiness is a behaviour or words, which even
less mean 'we can't care'!

So we can deal with the meaning and redefine it we try
to find out the wrong equation the person is using.
When we can determine this, we can apply our rules to
redefine the experience.

We might want to delve deeper. We might ask, 'What,
specifically, do you call grumpiness?'

How does my answering you with a grunt on one occasion
mean that I am grumpy. This is the Being Specific
Model. Here we will eventually do just the opposite
and instead of beaming in we will beam out.

Very roughly events have causes or motives,
circumstances and consequents. We can use these to

A simple redefine is denial.

Being grumpy doesn't mean I don't care. It means I
have a headache.

Being late for work doesn't mean I don't care about
the job. It means I worked so late last night on the
project that I overslept. Or,

Being late for work doesn't mean I don't care about
the job. It means I have a faulty alarm clock. I'll get
a new one at lunchtime.

That thing you are selling is too dear (expensive).
The price doesn't mean the item is too expensive. It
means it is the highest quality and so it will do what
you need it to do.

The world is evil, because bad things occur
That bad things occur does not mean the world is evil.
It means that there is more to do to make this planet
great for our descendants.

Sometimes we know what meaning the other has given to
our behaviour or our words, but sometimes we have to
dig a little deeper to find their meaning. When we
know the equation they are using (or image we do, then
we can use our techniques to redefine it).

Freeing the Mind - Many articles on personal development!

Most Recent Revision: 17-Sep-99.
Copyright 1998, 1999 Ken Ward,
All Rights Reserved.