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After a series of losses I can no longer keep busy and have lost my sense of purpose – I feel so useless, help me.

heart to heart The questioner's philosophy
I am spiritual but not religious. I was raised in a traditional Baptist Church and now attend Unity occasionally.
The questioner's hopes and aspirations
To finally achieve financial success and freedom. To continue to grow spiritually. To have healthy, mutually satisfying relationships with my family. To have a healthy, fit body. To have the time and freedom to contribute to Habitat for Humanity.
I moved from the West Coast (where I had lived 35 years) to the East Coast in 2003 when my husband retired. We had bought property here in order to build our retirement home, then opened a retail store (now closed) in partnership with a family member who lives here. My father died the day after we began our trip East. Our children live in California, Nevada and Arizona. My husband had prostrate cancer, received treatment and is now impotent for the last 6 years. We have no marriage we are just two people living in the same house.

Ever since the move, I have been struggling to find a sense of belonging and purpose; a reason to be here. We joined a camping club, Beekeepers Club, Friends of the Library and sometimes attend Unity Church. I am in the Master Gardner's class, a book club, a Master Mind group, on the Board for Habitat for Humanity and am attempting to grow a home based multi-level marketing business.

I have flown to Washington to attend Ramtha's School there, recently attended the Legacy Center personal growth seminar, have done Happy, Healthy, Wealthy online coaching and various counseling sessions in person and on the phone.

After closing our store, I have worked part time as a personal assistant. Yesterday we had a long talk during which I believed I was being fired. This was very distressing to me as I have a great deal of affection for this person. I now wonder what is the purpose of my life? I have figured out how to be busy but it seems very pointless. If I were not here, everything would continue just the same.

I am looking for something to feel inspired about. I left my husband once but since I have no money of my own, feel stuck here; no where else to go. In my previous life, I managed to earn money and take care of myself. Since living here, that feels nearly impossible. I feel so useless - a waste.

Why am I here? What is the purpose of my life? What am I supposed to be doing? Why was I born in the first place?

Wallace's reply
Wallace I can understand why you feel so bereft. You believe in being active and in giving yourself to life. You think this is the way life is - how it should be. You want to be up and doing, leading an active life, making a contribution - but your body, mind, heart and soul will not respond or cooperate with your intentions. These beliefs worked for you in the past - why will they not motivate you now?

It is natural to have beliefs but it is a mistake to be attached to them. It is best to hold our beliefs about life and about ourselves lightly - always ready to change them as our awareness grows. What if it was OK to not know why you are here? What if it was OK not to be busy? What if it was OK not to know what you are supposed to be doing? What if this was all OK instead of making a problem out of it? What would you do then?

I feel you have a lot of unresolved grief that stems from the many recent losses in your life. Let's look at what you have lost recently.

  • Your father
  • Your home, way of life and friends on the West coast
  • Your proximity to your children
  • Your store closing
  • Your husband's health
  • Your sex life
  • Your relationship with your husband
  • And finally the straw that broke the camel's back: your part-time job as a Personal Assistant

As these losses accumulated your beliefs about having a purpose, keeping busy, etc have kept you distracted from feeling the way you ARE. As a result I'm wondering how deeply you have grieved for each of these losses? Could it be that these losses have accumulated one after another, without appropriate acknowledgement and without the time set aside to feel, explore and grieve for each one? Then the relatively minor loss of losing a part-time job, added sufficient to your burden of unresolved grief for your entire being to cry out to stop - because it needs to assimilate all this human experience. This is a classic case of inner guidance coming through and the ego acting as a distraction - taking the person away from what they really need.

I suggest you stop fighting your inner guidance, which comes from your whole being and which is crying out for you to stop. Instead I want you to trust this intuition and go with it. Take time out to BE. If doing this brings up buried emotions and grief - so much the better. Find ways to express these feelings through art, poetry, physical exercise, music, talking to a friend or any other means to which you feel drawn.

If you have the courage to let go and give up striving you may be drawn into a life of solitude and grief; however like the caterpillar weaving its protective cocoon, you will eventually emerge as a stunningly beautiful butterfly.

Further Help and Resources
I strongly suggest you consider going alone on a spiritual retreat. Choose one suitable for getting in touch with grief and sadness. I also recommend you take my book Unfold Your Wings and Watch Life Take Off on that retreat. It will guide you in moving through sadness, loss and grief and in doing so be able to live out your inner guidance which come from your Higher Self - God Within. As this process unfolds answers to questions like why am I here and what is the purpose of my life will eventually become clear.

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