My relationship with my mother is not the way I want it to be - How can I take it forward?
The questioner's philosophy
I am stuck right now in relationship problems with my parents. My mother behaves in a very immature manner. I try to relate to her as an adult but she still wants to relate to me as a child. This doesn't work. My parents were abusive toward me as a child and my mother still attempts to be abusive toward me. My father was an alcoholic and the boundaries were not clear. My mother was depressed and over-emotional when I was growing up. Now she does not seem to be depressed but is still over-emotional and manipulative when I point out specific things that she does or says that are attempts at manipulation, or just plain mean.
I am having trouble finding a starting place for recovering the relationship. She does not respect my private information and shares things inappropriately with other family members. When I told her that I wanted her to stop doing that as it was a violation of the trust in our relationship, she continued until I finally stopped sharing almost anything with her. This also makes her angry and resentful. This is not the way I want things to be. Although I read articles, search the Internet for solutions and pray about this matter, I have not become clear as to how this relationship can move forward. Can I have some suggestions and recommendations?
Why not replace "This is not the way I want things to be" and "I want you to change" with "I accept this relationship the way it is" and "I love you as you are." Instead of placing subtle pressure on your mother to change, focus on those things that you see and admire in her and appreciate them. Remember that your mother has God within - relate to that and do not be distracted by negative or difficult behavior.
When people are loved for what they are sometimes miracles happen!
Further Help and Resources
To accept "what is" is not to say that you like it or that it is not a good idea to work to improve the situation, but that you can face it squarely, with equanimity, and without resistance. Resistance is what energizes a condition you cannot accept and causes it to continue. For help to release such resistances in your life, and so to be better able to handle such situations, I suggest you read about the Release technique.
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