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Although I love the course I feel overwhelmed by my studies - I may be still afraid of my ex-husband's judgments. How can I get focused on my studies?


heart to heart
Question
I have always worked in the medical field, in an administrative and/or specialized capacity, and am currently signed up to complete a Medical Transcription course. I was always drawn to this work, and I love learning and medicine.

My problem is I have been unable to sit down the last 2 months and "learn." I feel overwhelmed by the work, even though I know I can easily do it (I worked as a medical transcriptionist in years past), and I love it when I am actively engaged in the process. It's the sitting down and not allowing anything else to distract me - that is the problem. I did attempt to go through a similar course years ago, but my ex-husband was always putting me down, making derogatory remarks and I allowed that to discourage me.

My life has gone through several major transitions since then, and I am now effectively single, and want to be able to not have to worry about child support and making sure my financial obligations (house, utilities, etc) are met. I always come from a place of gratitude. I have drawn up a schedule to follow once I return home from work, but somehow find that "I have to take care of this or that first."

My health is not the best. I suffer from asthma, fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome, occasional migraines, and irritable bowel syndrome. Most of these conditions were made worse or caused by the stress of my marriage, which is why I asked for a divorce. Can you give me any advice on how to become more focused?

Wallace's reply
Wallace
My feeling is that you may be separated from your ex-husband physically, but you are still tied to him through fear of his judgment. This is manifesting as difficulty in taking up the path that is right for you. Before you proceed with this course you need to cut the ties that are still binding you to your ex-husband. I suggest you write a letter to your ex-husband thanking him for the time you spent together, forgiving him from all the hurt you felt while married to him and telling him of the current direction you are now taking in your life. If you have the confidence I suggest you post it to him, if not write it and burn it. If doing this brings up emotion, go with the feelings that are emerging and express them in whatever way feels appropriate.

You are at an exciting stage - preparing to find your own path and your own voice in the world. You are preparing the way for your current endeavors to proceed in a much freer and easier manner by cutting the ties with your husband and severing these invisible bonds should also help alleviate your health problems.

Further Help and Resources
Phyllis Crystal's excellent book "Cutting the Ties that Bind" gives exercises and advice to empower you to break unhealthy links with your past and move on. I strongly recommend you buy a copy. By working with this book you will also be preparing the ground for your future career intentions, because we must first heal ourselves before we can move forward to facilitate the healing of others.

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