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I have been sexually molested and I think I may be homosexual. I fear that I may be left alone without companionship - Can you help me?

heart to heart
I have been experiencing homosexual feelings from as early as five years of age and I have been molested by both males and females. I have only talked about it two years ago. I have practiced homosexual behavior up to six years ago.

My problem is I have never had sex with a woman and do not have any sexual feelings for them. As I grow older I am starting to panic - all my friends are getting married and I am afraid of being lonely since after marriage these friends disappear or communicate less or not at all. This affects my entire social life and I am near to giving up my Christian faith. Is there any way I can develop feelings for a woman. Can you help me?

Wallace's reply
Wallace In life we find happiness by marching to the rhythm of our own drum. The question that helps us achieve this is "Who am I?" This is the question for you now. I do not know whether your previous sexual experiences have affected your tendency to have sexual feelings for women or whether you are homosexual. To answer this question you may need to get counseling locally to ascertain this and also to come to terms with any trauma you may be carrying from these early sexual encounters.

If, in answering this question, you conclude that you are homosexual - accept that. Do not fight against it. Each of us is unique and each has a unique path. Maybe marriage between a man and a woman is not your path. This does not mean you need to be alone. Find other people who share your values and interests and befriend them.

Rather than give up your Christian faith I would encourage you to get the truth of what it offers. Christianity is about being true to yourself and about learning to love who you are. Christ's life was an example of this. He was not married (as far as we can ascertain) and He led a very unconventional life - a life that fundamentally challenged the conventional authorities of His day. Use His life as your example. To do this you need to get more in touch with your inner guidance, the voice of conscience and inner truth, and make your decisions from there. Christianity is not about living a predetermined or conventional life, it's about living your life, in accordance with your own inner sense of what is right for you, with all the uniqueness this suggests.

Many of the great leaders of humankind have been the misfits, the thorns in the side of authority and convention, the trailblazers and the pioneers. Do not feel concerned at leading an unconventional life. Although such a life can be more challenging, the trials you face will strengthen you and give you compassion for those on the margins of society.

By pursuing your hopes and aspirations, you will open your heart and attain the position of wise and compassionate leadership, because the thing that now irritates you will have been the very thing that also prompted you to ask the question "who am I?" today, and not on your deathbed, as so many do. For it is in asking this question, while pursuing your own unique calling, that there lies the healing of your doubts and fears.

Further Help and Resources
Like you I was prompted and challenged to discover my uniqueness early in life. My book Unfold Your Wings and Watch Life Take Off, will inspire you to lead your own life with confidence. It is based on the story of my life and how I came to discover my sense of inner truth through listening to and following the inner guidance that came from God within my own heart.

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