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What is love, what is a soul mate, and how do you know if you have found them?

heart to heart
What is the meaning of a soul mate? How can you know if you are meant for each other? Does love at first sight exist in life? Do soul mates exist? What is love and how can you know if you are in love? What are the signs and intuitions and how can you know or tell if your intuition is telling you something?
Wallace's reply
Wallace I am delighted to accept these questions since there is so much confusion and misunderstanding on the subject of soul mates, love and romance. You have asked a number of important questions so I will take them one at a time.

What is the meaning of a soul mate? Whether someone is your soul mate or not depends on the means you used to make the decision to marry them. Many people, when they make the decision to marry, do so using their mind in a calculating way or the excitement of their emotional feelings to determine the suitability of the partner.

When using their mind they ask themselves questions like - is this person wealthy, healthy, physically attractive - does he/she have good prospects, does he/she have status in their work, etc. When we are immature in affairs of the heart we carry around an image of our ideal partner that is defined by skills, talents or assets that we consider important. If we are using our calculating mind to make the decision to marry we carry these imagined requirements around like a job application form in our heads and if the person ticks all our boxes we consider them a good match.

People can also be swayed to marry as a result of intense emotional feelings aroused when in the company of their prospective partner. These can be feelings of lust, unwarranted admiration, security and excitement when they are with us and feelings of sexual longing, dejection, insecurity and depression when they are absent. We feel overwhelmed by these emotional feelings when in the presence of our partner, or when thinking about them, and mistake these emotions for real love. Using the calculating mind or our erratic emotions to choose a marriage partner will not help us mate soul to soul.

Like its name suggests, to choose our soul mate we must rely on our heart and soul to make the decision. Opening up to our heart and soul in this way can often cause terrible anguish and doubt when choosing a marriage partner. Why is this? In our calculating mind we may have wanted someone wealthy, but our soul may be guiding us towards union with someone poor! In our calculating mind we may dream of a life with someone physically attractive, our soul may have other plans! In our calculating mind we may dream of life long union with someone who is fit and healthy, our soul may be drawing us toward union with a person who is disabled in some way! Also when we do meet our soul mate they may not have the wow factor that overexcites our emotions causing us to doubt the quality of the relationship. Is it any wonder our calculating mind fuelled by our erratic emotions can rebel against the tendencies of our heart and soul?

How can you know if you are meant for each other? When your soul decides on a particular partner and you trust your heart and soul over the influence of your calculating mind and erratic emotions, then that is the person who is meant for you.

Does love at first sight exist in life? Love at first sight exists when you look into some else's eyes and recognize your soul connection. However this is often confused with infatuation, which is when you look into someone else's eyes and become sexually excited.

Do soul mates exist? Yes soul mates exist and I feel I am married to my own soul mate. Our marriage is an example of what I am talking about because if my wife had been ticking boxes with her calculating mind she would not have chosen me, since I have a significant disability which is quite limiting. But I am glad to report that we are blissfully happy as husband and wife.

What is love and how can you know if you are in love? There are many types of love - here are a few examples: maternal love is the love of a mother for her children, fraternal love is the love between brothers, romantic love is the love between partners and divine love is the love we have for God. Of all these types of love the greatest and most important is the love we have for God. When we are filled with divine love that love flows out into all our other relationships empowering and energizing our life.

You know you are in love when your thoughts are filled with love for God and you see him everywhere and in everyone. When courting you know you are in love with your partner because you feel the strength of your soul's power, greater than that of your ego, bringing you closer and closer together. When married you know you are in love with your partner when you feel your soul connected to that of your partner in a bond that gives rise to a light hearted yet profound relationship that is easily able to survive anything life throws at it and is so strong you know it can only be separated by death. Actually even after the death of your partner, a sense of ongoing connection will remain.

What are the signs and intuitions and how can you know or tell if your intuition is telling you something? This is a big question and not easy to answer in a short reply. However the skill of listening to and following your intuition, or inner guidance to use the term I prefer, is the most important skill to master, because this is the one skill that will enable you to find and choose a soul mate. If you would really like the answer to this question then I refer you to my book, Unfold Your Wings and Watch Life Take Off, which along with its supporting web based training, teaches you to discern true inner guidance from the confused thoughts of your calculating mind and the disconcerting storms of your erratic emotions.

Further Help and Resources
James Harvey Stout writes in depth about Intuition, and describes techniques by which we can become more aware of intuition.

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