It's at the beginning - a point in my life that has progressed into a lull of desperation - a feeling that a part of me, the most precious part that I once possessed, has been killed off and I am dead, despite the brief moments of empowerment and magic that rush through my heart, frantically grasping at the chains around my neck, the chains that I know so well and hate. I fear I will never get a clear shot to begin again and live life as the grand adventure. As I write to you I am living nothing at all.
Please if you can help this nineteen year old drug addict with something glorious in the way of healing words, encouragement to begin again, to lay steel concrete foundations in the form of a solid brick wall propelling myself so far away from this moment, that I am lost and cannot find my way back, please try.
These brief moments of empowerment you feel - you say that they frantically grasp at the chains around your neck... can you listen to that empowering inner force and ask it to show you a simple first step you can take on your healing journey? Ask this question inwardly in as much a state of calm as you can find. Then keep that question silently present in your heart, visiting it regularly. Be slightly expectant that you will receive an answer but do not grasp or fret for one. Silently trust that your first step will emerge from this inner voice - the voice of life, the voice of healing, the voice of love - God's Voice.
This is now the critical bit - when you receive that intuition for the first step in your healing journey you need to follow it up by taking the actions necessary. In my own case I was lost in a world of dark depression and stress. The quiet inner voice told me that I needed to make my life useful to others if I was ever going to stop thinking negatively about myself. I felt drawn to get a job working one morning a week in a charity shop.
This seemed like too big a step for me to take so I asked my healing voice for a simpler first step. It guided me to just make a phone call to a charity shop and see if any places were available. This was a step I felt I could take. I went to the phone and phoned a nearby charity shop but it was unsuitable. So I asked the voice for another simple step. It said phone another bigger and busier charity shop. I took this step. I was offered an interview - the healing voice said go to that interview, so I went. I was offered the job one morning a week. This felt too big a step so I asked for a simpler step. The healing voice said try it for one week and see if it suits you. So I did that. Then the healing voice said now is the time to commit to one morning a week. Having gone through all the simple first steps committing to one morning a week now seemed possible. I did as it asked.
I was difficult for me to get my act together so I could go to work in that shop for three hours one morning a week. I had been lying on a couch at home for the last two years. But the healing voice knew what I needed and by always breaking down the challenge into smaller steps and by asking the healing voice to show me each small step I was able to persist by following up its inner promptings with action.
Ever since then I have never stopped listening to and following that healing voice - I describe it as my inner swan. It has led me one step at a time on a challenging healing journey, away from sadness and despair, into a pre-eminent life of joy and peace. It will do the same for you. All you need to do is keep asking the healing voice for your next simple step and keep taking each step.
As you embark on your healing journey you are not alone - you always have your inner swan as your constant companion and friend. Learning to listen to and follow your healing voice is your steel and concrete foundation. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Further Help and Resources
I have given you a few guidelines in my reply to help you tap into and follow inner guidance (the healing voice). This inner guidance is always there for you and will never leave you. Regard it as your best friend. If you want more help in learning to listen to and follow your inner guidance then you will find my book Unfold Your Wings and Watch Life Take extremely helpful. It charts my healing journey and describes how I learned to listen to and follow inner guidance. You will see from the book how, as I followed inner guidance, it become clearer and stronger and I was healed of my compulsions and negativity.