Although I pretend everything is ok, I work long hours, have few friends and hate myself – is there a way out?
No one that knows me would suspect me of feeling this way, because I put up a good front. Believe it or not I am always smiling and portray a "good mood." My life is pathetic. Is this something I just have to deal with or is there a way out?
True, when you are out in the world doing your work or mixing with people, you need to put your best foot forward - you do need to be circumspect with whom you choose to share your innermost feelings. However there need to be people in your life with whom you can open up and share what you are feeling inside in a genuine manner. If you consider doing this you might quite naturally fear rejection - that is why I am going to recommend that initially you communicate in an authentic manner with a counselor or psychotherapist. By visiting a professional you can be assured of a safe environment in which you can discuss your feelings.
Please remember you are a wonderful special woman, even if you have these thoughts and feelings. If you share these thoughts and feelings with a counselor you will begin to feel a huge weight lift off your shoulders. In time you may find the courage to be authentic with your friends and other people in your life. When this happens your passion for life will return.
Further Help and Resources
You may find my book comforting. It's called Unfold Your Wings and Watch Life Take Off and describes how I went through similar feelings to the ones you have and, by learning to tap into and draw on my inner strength, went on to lead a happy, joyful life. You can do the same.
To discover the spiritual element of your life, Freedom of the Spirit by Owen Waters offers many appropriate suggestions.