I've been successfully working on my own healing for 20 years now I'm in limbo - help me
I'm concerned that I'm not moving full forward with my life's work, because I can't quite get a handle on it yet. I've sought so many avenues of defining what I really want and am here to do. I'm concerned that I'm losing time, and that I may not get to the place of doing what I am to do. I have gratitude for what I'm learning and how far I've come.
The transition between being driven by our ego and directed by inner guidance is just as you describe. When driven by the ego's desires life proceeds a pace. Decisions can often be made quickly - although they may be unhealthy decisions. There can be a sense of direction and power - although this too is an illusion. As we let go of our unhealthy, selfish tendencies, the power of our heart and soul come to the fore to guide and direct us along new lines. As we let go of our ego and tune in to our soul's power there is a period of transition.
When in this period life can go into limbo, like a yacht that has become becalmed. This period can last for years. The reason this happens is because your life is now becoming directed by an inner motive to love and to serve and you need to literally grow this capacity within your heart. Spiritual growth is slow, but solid and steady, and cannot be hurried.
My advice to you is to set aside all concerns about time and to remain focused on those activities and disciplines that are helping your spiritual growth. Trust that a new direction will emerge in its own time. Trust that this new direction, as it becomes clear, will be all you need and more. You are very close now to making the big breakthrough into a life guided from within - all you need do is to have patience and continue to trust in your own unfolding as a spiritual being.
If you need more reassurance I recommend my book Unfold Your Wings and Watch Life Take Off which tells the story of my own unfolding - how I let go of my ego's desires and became dependent on inner guidance. This will let you see what this period of limbo is like and how you can learn to accept and live through it.
Further Help and Resources
In his article The Cycle of Life, Peter Shepherd shares his thoughts on the finer aspects of inner guidance and how we can apply them to our life. You may well find them helpful.