The second year was more challenging to find worthwhile projects for me which led me to even more exercise and being invited to teach water aerobics at the "Y" which was an exciting new adventure, and caused me to develop physically in ways that I've not accomplished before.
This is the third year of choosing not to work and I've deteriorated in my desires and although I'm still teaching water aerobics, I need a challenge in my life ... and I'm very stuck in ways to find my purpose. I know a lot of people feel this way although I am very hard on myself.
The only time I feel alive is in my search for meaning and for GOD. And the higher I reach, it seems, the lower I fall into depths of despair. The inner fight that I have is there is no reason for me to feel this way. I'm in a much better situation than a lot of other people and I make this realization daily, grateful to be in the place that I am … however, the search for meaning is even more elusive than ever before.
How do I find my purpose? I once heard that the opposite of pain is comfort and I never understood that until now. I'm in physical comfort without a lot of stress in my life and am in more spiritual and soulful pain than I ever imagined.
So often people blame their lack of personal growth and spiritual development on their job, mother, partner and stress. Blaming outside forces is not helpful, and as we can see from your story, it is incorrect. Outside factors are never the reason people do not do find health, happiness, freedom and soul satisfaction.
With these excuses out of the way, let us examine the universal struggle that humans must face and overcome in order to be successful in waking up and using our human potential. As one begins the spiritual journey of transformation there is a natural process that unfolds.
The Natural Process of Transformation
The natural process of transformation occurs the moment you let go of control. It is wise and effective. Your personal, unique process organically leads you where you need to go in each moment. Thus, your job is to recognize and follow your natural process.
Currently you are stuck because you are no longer following your natural process. Falling off and getting lost is a normal occurrence. However, this means your controlling ego currently has the upper hand. To move forward you need to get back into the flow of your authentic energy.
Your authentic energy is the energy that leads directly to your soul and purpose in life. Opening the solar plexus and heart begins the most powerful part of the transformational journey. You need to first open your solar plexus, which results in self-love. To achieve self-love you must embrace and feel all the emotions that come and go on this highly emotional planet.
Next, you need to open your heart, which is called The Emperor in Chinese Medicine. Your heart is the most powerful chakra because it contains both the light energy from above and the fire energy from below. When you open your heart, you feel love for all of humanity.
Completion is not necessary for you to feel good, free and happy. It does not matter how evolved you are, or how open your chakras, you can drop into your natural process in any given moment. Nature is magnificent, as soon as you enter your natural energy flow, you move forward.
However, at some point, you will turn a noticeable corner. This occurs when you start to live in your natural process more than you live in your ego. The results are deep satisfaction, meaningful adventures and richness in everyday life.
"And the higher I reach, it seems, the lower I fall into depths of despair. The inner fight that I have is there is no reason for me to feel this way."
There are reasons aplenty for the way you feel.
There are many obstacles that work as hard as possible to stop you from breaking free. There are parts of the self and outside forces, which constantly work to keep you chained and controlled. Their goal is to keep you from finding your authentic self and trusting your natural process.
Therefore, you are in the middle of a fierce survival of the fittest struggle. Will your controlling ego win? Or will you find, accept and follow your natural self? It is an epic struggle just like you see in the movies and read in the books. Your daily choices in the moments of your life determine the outcome.
Will evil, insanity and greed triumph? This could easily end the Homo Sapiens rein on earth. Or will enough of us wake up and become aware, just in time to save our species? My book, "Fear is the Pathway to Freedom and Joy" explores these issues and provides the answers for a positive psychological outcome. If you know of an appropriate publisher have them contact me through drjeanette.com.
And you are so correct, the freer you become, the stronger the forces against you become. When you stop to think about it, this is quite normal and follows the laws of physics. If your natural self is getting stronger, it takes a greater force to stop you. Therefore your ego must increase in intensify or it runs the risk of losing its grip on you.
So the conflict you are experiencing is the real, in the flesh, psychological conflict that goes on with anyone who attempts to break free from his or her ego. This inner struggle is one that you must face and overcome. No one else can make the journey for you. And you alone determine the outcome.
However, you cannot make the trip without help from others along the way. I used to think I could do everything alone. I was so wrong. Just like writing a book, it is not possible to make your epic journey without massive amounts of help from many people along the way.
If you read and hear the stories of the people entrapped by Hitler's Energy, you quickly discover that the ones who where able to break free from Hitler's Energy received help. Sometimes help occurred when a Germany officer turned the other way as a Jewish woman walked across a bridge. Or Christian families feed Jewish families hiding in the woods for months.
Receive the Help you Need from Others
You need spiritual teachers, emotional coaches, energy mentors, body workers, friends, groups, and strangers to help you along the way. While a great deal of the inner work must be done alone, you cannot complete the journey without holding the hands of others.
This means you need to open your solar plexus and heart. These are the centers that establish loving relationships with others. First, you need to love yourself, and then you need to love others. Then you will be surrounded with your own spiritual family.
When you get banged up and bogged down, reach out and receive the help you need. There will always be someone there to help you. It may be a smile from a stranger, an acorn from a tree, an energy teacher, or a blooming plant. It is up to you to receive the energy given.
Positive Actions You Have Taken
Congratulations on the effective actions you have taken. You honored your body and found this to be extremely beneficial. Continue to listen to your body at every turn. Follow your body, just like you need to follow your emotional self.
The goal is to become strong and sturdy so your energy can move freely through your body. You also need to become more aware of the tension in your body so you can relax your temple. Tension blocks energy flow and thus you block your natural process.
I have used most of the body awareness approaches and bodywork approaches available in the USA. They are all wonderful and helpful in their own way. Find a good teacher and stay with her or him until your body changes. Then pick another good teacher to learn the next thing you need. The one body approach that I have never stopped using is massage.
Writing is another extremely effective action you have found divine. I do not think it possible to do any serious transformation without writing. Keep writing and use any of the other expressive arts to assist you long the way. You need to be creative as a way of life; this is the pathway to your soul.
You need to add energy awareness approaches and energy work to your personal growth program. It is not possible to deconditon and overthrows the ego without some degree of energy awareness. The more you can sense and read energy, the easier it will be for you to tame your monsters along the way.
For example, if you do not know the difference between how control feels in your body and how power feels in your body, how can you break out of the ego's control? You can't. Therefore, you need to find energy teachers who help you learn the difference between control and power. You also need to practice your energy sensing skills everyday.
Of course you are affected by the energies around you and the energy in the world. This is a given. The goal is for your sense of self and your energy to become strong enough that you do not completely lose your vibration when surrounded by unhealthy energy.
Many psychics and other spiritually gifted people have serious physical and mental problems because their energy is not grounded. Learning how to stay grounded is a process. You do not achieve anything all at once. Move forward slowly and consciously. For example, it took me years to learn how to stay grounded in the middle of the city.
To successfully open up to the higher vibrations you must be able to relax your body and keep your energy grounded. I created an online course, "Overcome Anxiety Naturally," to teach you the difference between power and control. You also receive the body skills needed to relax your body, tame your ego and stay grounded.
Nothing you have experienced or will ever experience is meaningless. Everything you experience has a purpose and meaning. It is up to you to recognize and use each event, situation, and person in your life to help you continue on your spiritual journey.
It is clear you know the way. Rejoice in your efforts to reach the divine for you are succeeding. I would say comfort is the remedy for pain, not the opposite. So, give your body and emotional self lots of comfort to ease your pain all along the way. Get the help you need from others to tame your controlling ego.
Soon, you will drop back into your divine flow and be stronger and wiser than ever before.
Action Steps to Take
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