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I have put everyone and everything else before me, for so long that I feel as if I don't even know myself or who I once was.

heart to heart About the Questioner
Philosophy: I would describe my philosophy on life as truly being from the heart, in all things big or small. Always help others anyway I can, treat everyone as a special being to which we all are connected, as one. Lovingly being all that I am to learn, grow, change, and make a difference in a huge way. Living my purpose, and searching for total oneness to all of humanity. Giving and assisting in way that's needed to make a difference; even if it's in a small way. It feels my heart with joy to be able to heal and help others. I am called towards the teachings of the Buddha.

Hopes and aspirations: To find myself, see myself, and obtain self-worth, and wholeness. To free myself from what ever it is that is keeping me from being a participant in my own life. From allowing myself to be free to be me just as I am creatively, unlocking my full inner potential for joy, love, and abundance. Ultimately finding myself and begin living my true self and discovering the path to soul purpose. And being, absorbing my life's purpose, so that I may give back and be the change I want to see in the world. Healing purely from the heart.
Thank you so much for taking the time to allow me to express my feelings with you. Let me start by saying that currently I am experiencing a feeling of being consumed with sadness on all levels - spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I feel as if my heart has left my chest and moved into my stomach.

I have always had a heavy heart, its something I've had from the beginning, even before choosing to come to be born. I am completely lost, I have no direction. I have always put everyone and everything else before me for so long, that I allowed myself to fade away. In a way I feel as if I truly don't even know myself or who I once was. Possibly I never have known who I am. My whole life has been filled with feelings of being worthless, unlovable, and not really having anything to bring to the table. You know, never feeling that I'm good enough, or worthy enough for anyone or anything.

I have a 2 1/2 year old little boy and I want so much to be full of life again. For so long nothing moves me, excites me, or interests me. I'm a single mommy and I live as though I am a hermit; always by myself, never leaving the house, or even dating or being in any relationships. I have fully stopped living if you will. I am so ready for change and the opportunity to pull myself out of this RUT! Just not sure how to go about it. I know I am a healer and a deeply spiritual person. It's just that when it comes to me, it just doesn't feel natural to put my needs or desires to attention. I feel selfish if I think about what I want or may desire to do. So it's me myself who allows such neglect of myself. I don't know how to free myself from this prison I've had myself in for so long. I'm ready to fully come into my own, and live every moment of everyday consciously and in the present. I have to find a way to allow myself the ability to LET GO!!

Do you think you could guide me and give me some insight as to your thoughts and feelings of my current situation. From the heart.

Reply by Coach Doris Jeanette Doris Jeanette
Thank you for sharing how lost you feel and how much you put everyone else first. It is no surprise that you do not have direction and fulfillment. Read the columns on the good girl, depression and emotional maturity for additional information that can help you learn to cultivate more self-love.

The heavy heart is a closed heart. Your heart longs to be open and full of energy. Your heart longs to be used and enjoyed. Your heart is the most powerful part of your mind body energy field.

The human heart is where the light from above meets the fire from below. If it is not impeded, the pure spiritual energy that comes in automatically through your crown chakra goes through your head and spine until it reaches your heart. Once it enters your heart, the light transforms into fire. As fire, it moves down your body out of your root into the earth.

If you are grounded, this powerful energy is safe, solid and available for use to fulfill your purpose in life. The same transformation of energy happens from your root chakra upward. The fire of the earth flows into your body through your root until it reaches your heart. Your heart transforms your fire into light. Your light travels upward to the source completing the circle.

This means we are half physical and half metaphysical. We often call the metaphysical part spiritual because it is so much bigger than we are. As mortals, we worship that which is bigger than we. As well, we need to!

This river of energy is only one of the many natural flows of energy in your energy field. The reason this particular flow is so important is because your physical body needs to be "attached," to the earth for you to be safe. You cannot be physically secure on earth without your root being attached to earth.

In addition, your energy field needs to be "attached" to the source above you. Otherwise, you will not be receiving the light energy you need to give you power. Your body needs to be anchored above and below for you to be safe secure, effective and powerful.

Divine energy is automatically within you. You do not need to do anything to get it to work properly. It flows freely at birth and knows what to do on its own. In fact, you have to work hard to block this powerful energy from flowing through you. And hard does humanity work at blocking out the light from above and the fire from below.

Even though it takes a great deal of effort to stop a natural energy faucet, all of us block our divine energy in many places. As a result, humans are like little dots of "nonsense energy" darting all over the place, acting important and being nothing but "a minute before midnight" in the grand scheme of creation. "A minute before midnight" refers to how long humans have been present on earth in terms of evolution.

Alas, will we wake up in time? "Yes, there is hope. Some of us will let go of control and allow our energy to flow!"

To Help You Wake Up and Let Go
You mention you have had a heavy heart before you were born. I have never known a baby to be born with a heavy heart. If this were correct, then I would conclude that you absorbed this energy from your mother and your surroundings in the womb. However, it sounds like you have experienced an open, loving heart. Even if your heart was open for only for a few minutes, this is helpful. The real life experience of a loving heart is extremely important because this is the crack that opens your heart.

As Leon Cohen, a Canadian poet sings, "There is a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. That is how the light gets in." So bless your cracks! I remember my first opening because it was a vibrant moment. This is the reason I call my free holistic psychology newsletter, "The Vibrant Moment." Being alive in the present moment will always be a full-body, vibrant moment.

The journey to opening the heart begins when you fall in love or otherwise open a tiny crack so love can seep in. You may have opened a crack when you fell in love with your son's father or when your son was born. To continue your personal growth, you must continue to open your heart through real life events.

As children, we closed our hearts when we were hurt and wounded. The scientific community reports that the thymus, which regulates the heart chakra, is atrophied by the time we are teens. This means our loving nature and our divine energy has been blocked.

Your emotional wounds are deep and as a child you did not have the resources to take care of yourself. Therefore, you became anxious and scared. You stopped trusting and closed your heart. This conditioning happened automatically and you were not aware of closing your heart.

However, as an adult you begging to engage in personal growth and realize you must unlearn your unhealthy conditioning from your past in order to have healthy relationships. You discover you must open your heart in order to become more alive and vibrant. You become conscious that you are impeding your natural flow of energy by tightening up your body and squeezing everything tight. You know you are accountable and can choose what to do from henceforth.

Mental Concepts are Not Real
I have often commented on the vast distance between a person's philosophy and her behavior in the past columns. A mental concept is not the same thing as a real life experience.

Energy is everything. If you do not physically open your heart, your heart is not open. If you do not physically open your solar plexus, it is closed. Energy must flow between you and reality or you are just a mental concept. Being a mental concept is an image. Most people are stuck in this controlled, image, ego stage.

In an ego state your energy is frozen and does not move spontaneously and freely. You are controlling your energy and not allowing it to flow naturally and organically. Transformation is the act of letting go of your control over your energy and allowing it to flow.

Where to Start Transformation?
The only place you can start personal growth is by being fully present in your current reality. You need to become aware of who, what and where you are in the present moment. Look for physical, mental, emotional and energy facts.

It appears that your judgment is paralyzing you. For example, you call yourself "selfish" if you do something for yourself. This judgment stops you. The sadness and heaviness you report is a form of depression and helplessness. Depression is not an emotional state; it is a numb, mental state caused by judgment.

I suspect there is literally, dense, grey, judgmental energy sitting on top of your heart. This energy is composed of unhealthy energies like resentment, blame and guilt. These are nasty energies that you need to become aware of and learn to transform.

You will find underneath your heavy, judgmental energy, your real emotions and feelings. Emotional hurt is the first sign of life. To heal, you need to go all the way back to your original wound. There is a great deal of anxiety and fear to overcome in the healing process. This is the reason it is best to have a guide who knows the territory.

I am sure you will look inward and be honest about what you find. This will immediately allow your energy to flow. Learning to love your emotional self will give you direction and meaning.

Relax and enjoy your flow. You will hold your head high as your fears of being selfish are faced.

Action Steps to Take

Coaching copyright © 2010 Dr. Doris Jeanette
Doris Jeanette closed her heart at six. The first crack was at 21 and her original wound was healed at 34. She continues to clear the debris from the back on her heart that still judges all the unfairness she sees in the world. Dr. Jeanette mentors and trains professionals in the art and science of opening up to natural energy flow. Find out more and sign up for her free holistic psychology newsletter, "The Vibrant Moment."

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