I am a motherless daughter. I recently worked as a barber, which I have most experience in. I owned and operated my barbershop for 12 years closed it in 2007. (I saw this state of economy coming spiritually). I was able to support me and my daughter as a single mom on what I made until 2007. I then job-hopped and hated it. I was financially devastated and lost my job and got evicted with my boyfriend out of a rental house we loved in Feb 2010. We had nowhere to go. We put our possessions in storage and also gave the rest to Salvation Army. We moved an hour away to my hometown -which is blacks and Mexicans- not what I am use to, into a hotel that had bugs and mold for three months and three days. I was a paralegal at that time. He got a job in security full time near by; I do it Sundays only but hate the job. I want to make passive income writing books. How to find my one niche topic to write about? How to find my passion in life? Should I be doing something else with my life, in this economy, even if others say it's bad?
Thank you for your many questions. You have real concerns, all of which have real answers. I know multitudes around the world are struggling with similar money issues, home issues and stress issues.
As I read your question, I felt overwhelmed. Therefore, I suspect you also feel overwhelmed. This feeling of being overwhelmed is an important human experience that needs to be recognized, understood and addressed in a way that is helpful.
When you are overwhelmed, you do not know where to begin. You do not know what to do. Everything in your life feels like it is bigger than you. The events are too much, too fast and too confusing. This means the energy in your life is moving too fast.
You are overwhelmed because most of the energy in your life is out of control. This is the reason you are getting the results you are getting. When energy is out of control, nothing can take hold and grow in a healthy, natural fashion. It is remarkable how well and long you have lived in an out of control state.
Look around the world and notice the out of control energy. Some people live from one crisis to another crisis; yet, they manage to live a long life. Look at the countries where the leaders are out of control and the countries exist for a long time. So it is possible to live and function in an out of control state. However, this is not desirable. You will continue to get unsatisfying results and your body will continue to send you signs that it is stressed. So it is best for you to learn to bring your energy into balance.
Overwhelming Energy is Learned
My guess is you grew up in an environment where out of control energy existed all around you. Therefore, you do not notice that out of control energy is unusual. To you, it appears to be normal because that is what you know. Out of control energy is not healthy, but you are used to it and familiar with it. As a result, out of control energy is your default. This needs to change.
You need to learn to observe out of control energy objectively.
Let me define out of control energy so you can begin to recognize it as separate from your authentic self. Overwhelming energy moves too fast. It is irritable, scattered and jerky. It is out of balance, unpredictable and frightening.
Out of control energy flies around all over the place without being grounded. It does not have any flow. There is no rhythm, calmness or security. Out of control energy is not connected to the earth. It appears in the nervous system as anxiety and static. Anxiety can cause acne and many other serious physical problems.
Out of Control Energy is Not Connected to Nature
In the physical world of reality on planet earth, out of control energy does not exist. If energy gets out of control for a few seconds, it is immediately grounded. For example, lightening. Lighting is out of control for milliseconds before it is immediately grounded.
Nature does not allow energy to exist in an out of control state. To do so would disobey the laws of physics. Energy is in a constant state of transformation but it does not fly all over the place and scared everyone to death. Earthquakes, tsunamis, storms and hurricanes peter out and get grounded in due course.
Only the human mind allows energy to become out of control and continue to be out of control over long periods of time. This means, your thoughts are the problem. Your thoughts are overwhelming you. You have too many thoughts, moving too fast and they are often scaring you to death.
For example, let's take the positive thought that you want to write an E-book. You begin with a positive, healthy thought and it quickly becomes an out of control situation where you do not know what to write about. You begin to think there is one thing that you need to write about and you do not know what that one thing is.
This happens because your thoughts are jumping all over the place. So no matter how positive your thoughts are--they are out of control. Out of control energy does not grow corn. It is like you are planting a seed and as soon as you plant it in the earth; you pull it up out of the ground. As long as you do this, there is no way your seed can become a tiny sprout and grow into a healthy planet.
Just like a farmer, you need to learn how to grow corn. If you do not give a corn kernel what it needs, it will not grow into delicious corn on the cob for you to eat. Growing as a person is the same. If you want to grow into a healthy, happy person, you must give yourself what you need in order to reach your goals.
You cannot balance your energy without learning how to balance your energy.
You mention that you are smart but you do not mention the actions you have taken to develop yourself. Reading is one way to learn something new, but reading books is not enough. You want to take courses in the areas you need to learn. You want to work with a therapist, psychologist, mentor or coach. It is required that you listen to audio, take online courses and have real life experiences that teach you what you need to know.
For example, taking an affordable course on anxiety reduction, assertiveness training or money management would be a wonderful place to begin. However taking the course is not enough. It is required that you put what you learn into daily practice in your life. You have to take care of what needs to be taken care of in the physical and emotional areas. You must stay with the tasks and continue to learn new things as you go along. After considerable experience, then you will be able to write authoritatively about one of these topics, and you will have discovered your own unique insights to present to readers.
Meanwhile, it is clear you are educated since you were a paralegal. This is a productive way to make a living in the USA. Being a barber is also a valuable skill. What is the reason you are not using these skills to be financially secure in this recession? My guess is you repeat your overwhelmed pattern so effectively that you sabotage yourself. This means that no matter what you accomplish, you cannot hold on to it and enjoy it. As in, pulling up the plant before it has time to produce what you need.
Out of control energy is irrational and always results in a lose-lose situation. You will never win. This is the reason you need to learn how to balance your out of control energy whenever it appears in your body, heart, energy field or life.
You can learn to feel, sense and know when your energy goes into this unhealthy out of control state.
Once you know when you are in an out of control state, then you can stop your anxiety from doing its usual harm. To stop your out of control energy forming creating chaos you need to bring it into a healthy flow.
You do not want to control your energy because this will result in rigidity, which also has devastating results. Read last week's column for more information about unhealthy, controlled energy and the column on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Flowing energy is the only energy that is healthy, strong and resilient. Your energy is balanced when you allow it to flow. Both controlled and out of control energy are unhealthy. Only flowing energy is in harmony with you and what you need.
In order to get your out of control energy into a healthy, flowing state you must learn how to ground your human energy. When you are able to ground your energy and keep it grounded, you will not experience being overwhelmed.
Your results will be totally different from the results you are getting now. You will be moving toward your goals in a step-by-step fashion. You will find real answers to all your real problems. You will feel in charge of your life because you will be responsible for your results. You will be grounded and secure.
Practical Human Energy Advice:
From now on, when you experience being overwhelmed, stop and get in balance. Do not continue in an out of control state.
"I am a motherless daughter."
You can find your "motherless daughter" who is your wounded emotional self and heal her. Creating a loving relationship with your emotional self is the pathway to your healthy, flowing, energy. Your flowing energy will lead you to your purpose in life and you will know exactly what you need to do each moment of the day.
Strong, loving mothers are grounded. You can become a daughter with an emotionally strong "Inner Mother" who takes care of herself. You will know you have reached this state when you keep your energy grounded and do not allow yourself to be out of control.
Then, you will be able to use your "spiritual insights and discernments"
for your highest good as you grow into the creative, grounded writer that you are.
Action Steps to Balance Out of Control Energy
- Learn what out of control energy is so you can bring it into balance. Contrast out of control energy with controlled energy and flowing energy until you know the difference. Study with energy teachers so you can read your own human energy. Work with teachers who are very, very grounded. Study the "Opening the Heart" audio and eBook to learn to tell the difference between out of control, controlled and flowing energy.
- Stop being out of control with money. Learn how to make money, save it and help it grow for your old age. Take money classes and take action. Here is a free special report called, "16 Ways to Relax During a Recession." Download it here.
- Ground your energy and keep it grounded. Get out of tennis shoes and plug your human energy into gravity. Connect your feet to energy of the earth. Lay around on the earth until you can feel her energy moving through you. Take the "Overcoming Anxiety Naturally" online course, which step by step teaches you how to step out of your thoughts and ground your out of control energy into the earth. Sign up for the Nature Workshop at the Beach in Cape May, NJ, April 30, 2011. Get in-the-flesh grounding exercise as you play and have fun.
Coaching copyright © 2010 Dr. Doris Jeanette
Doris Jeanette grew up with bare feet in the earth. She has spent 35 years teaching people in groups, workshops and conferences how to get grounded. Working with Dr. Jeanette, on the phone or in-person, is a very grounding experience. Sign up for her free holistic psychology newsletter, "