I have lived alone with my two dogs for the past 5 years and love it. I own my home and yard (with a high mortgage) and travel to work and back everyday 20 miles. I am 57 years old and divorced and am not looking for a partner. I was in a severe auto accident nearly 2 years ago that left me quite broken, but I was put back together again, only to come back to work doing the same old thing with the same people - only now with PTSD and pain. I have to work to support myself, but I KNOW that there is an alternative out there for me. I don't want to do what everyone else is doing, get up, go to work, come home, eat and go to bed only to start it all over again the next day.
Because of the accident and PTSD, I have low energy levels; so don't feel motivated to do much outside the usual routine. On top of that I live in a very small town (nice and very quiet, which I love) and drive to a small state university. Driving in the winter causes extreme anxiety because that is when the accident occurred, driving on black ice and losing control and hitting an on-coming vehicle head-on. I don't want to have to drive everyday; I want to retire but would only bring in $325/month. I want to work from home, but at what?
I've been looking for my life purpose and a passion for what seems like forever. I've gone through self-help books to help me discover what that is, I've meditated on the question, but nothing is coming to me. I have NO extra money, only just enough to pay the bills and my mortgage and not much left for groceries each month. I've cut every bit of extra spending so I have no TV, no Internet. I've tried applying for part time jobs, but there aren't any; I've sold a few things online but not enough to make much of a difference. The financial constraints are secondary to this extremely frustrating, lost, drifting, soul-draining life I have right now. I can't sell my house in this economy and I don't want to. Why am I here, what is my purpose, how can I retire and work from home?
"Why am I here?"
"What's it all about, Alfie?"
Hear Peggy Lee singing her famous song... "Is That All There Is?"
I used to listen to "Is That All There Is?" over and over on the radio wondering why I did not feel fulfilled and contented. I had just graduated from East Carolina University and had been accepted into a Ph.D program at Baylor University in psychology. I was living with my best friend, soon to be my husband... and yet I still did not have joy in my heart and feel satisfied.
So, thank you for asking this challenging question that goes straight to the heart of human existence. Even the people who have all the money they need and a loving relationship can identify with this question because they too, long for more.
Your money issues need to be faced and dealt with in a responsible fashion. Some suggestions are to get your mortgage cut in half by negotiating, like a friend of mine just did. Rent out a room to help with payments. Continue to sell online. Do part time work as a Virtual Assistant. Become a Virtual Assistant who works from home.
Back to your major concern and a question I have spent this lifetime asking, "What is the purpose of being a human being on the planet Earth?" Some of the answers I have found are below and more are in my unpublished book, "Fear is the Pathway to Freedom and Joy." I am looking for a suitable publisher or agent. If anyone has referrals please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Since Earth is such an emotional planet we currently experience a great deal of suffering, pain and sorrow. As a licensed psychologist, I have heard stories of sexual abuse, physical abuse and emotional abuse that bring tears to my eyes and a searing pain to my heart. How does one find hope, direction and answers in the midst of these earthly dramas?
Looking at our "earth dramas" from a spiritual point of view seems to be the only way to make sense of what is going on down here. Otherwise, there does not appear to be any purpose whatsoever to the hardship and difficulties that we face. So the older I get, the more spiritual I become. I consider myself to be a spirit who is seeking to be incarnate, which means in the flesh. My goal is to be the best human being I can be while I walk on this planet and to leave it a better place than when I arrived. Therefore, every experience I have is to feed my soul and make me stronger.
Thus, I am happy to report that I no longer feel unfulfilled, numb or melancholy. At the age of 34, after a servere loss, I started to open my heart and solar plexus. This appears to be the real secret to living on this emotional planet. I discovered that the process of opening your heart and feeling your feelings leads you to meaning and purpose.
Let me share with you some of the information and methods I teach my clients about how to create this wonderful shift into fulfillment. At this point in your life, your ego dominates your personality and not your authentic self. You are getting the results you are getting because your ego is the one you indentify with and follow. Your life will improve the moment you decide to choose your authentic self over your ego.
Therefore, the task before you is to find, accept and follow your authentic self if you want rich meaning and deep purpose. As you work on your personal growth, your authentic self will gradually replace your ego as the dominant force in your consciousness. When this happens, you will be "in the flow of your own authentic energy," consiously taking action steps to fulfill your purpose.
The spiritual journey begins by acknowledging the truths in your heart. If you want to know why you are here, look inside your heart. Your heart, in the form of your emotional self, will lead directly to your soul. Your soul is your authority. There is no other. Your soul contains all answers. This is the pathway you need to follow to find meaning and purpose.
I must confess, I heard the answer to my purpose many times and could not accept it. Why? I did not like the answers. I struggled and resisted. Kicking and screaming every step of the way I slowly moved forward. You can still hear me resisting at times! "Oh no, not me! I can't do THAT!"
The journey to your purpose will also be full of conflict and struggle because the ego does not want you to ask this question or to hear the answer to this question. The ego does not want you to find, accept and follow your authentic self. Your authentic self is composed of a unique mind, body and soul. If you find and then follow your authentic self this means the death of your ego. The ego cannot live in the presence of truth, love and light.
To be clear about the ego energy, it is composed of dense, heavy energy that is no longer healthy for you. Your ego is made up of false beliefs, conditioned responses, negative thought forms and knee jerk reactions. Your ego is a learned image. Due to the physical reality of the ego there is a natural process of contraction and expansion that you need to learn to move through to be successful in leaving it behind.
The energy of the ego creates a wall of frozen energy around your authentic self. This frozen, rigid energy is completely different from the energy of the authentic self and you can learn to recognize this difference. Then you can choose to follow your authentic self instead of your ego as you please.
The most exciting news is that your authentic self is safe and whole no matter how much abuse you have suffered. She is inside of this frozen wall of energy, waiting for you to find, accept and follow her. Your authentic self is intact, wise and strong.
The reason it is so important to find, heal and follow the emotional self is because this part of you leads you to your purpose in life. Until you find, heal and follow your emotional self you do not know what your purpose in life is. Your emotional self is the authentic part of you that tells you the truth about everything. When you follow your emotional self you know what you need to eat, when you need to rest your body, what you want to do in this moment, who you like and what you need to be learning in order to fulfill your purpose.
So your emotional self puts you in the moment and knows the bigger picture of where you are going. The natural process of finding, healing and following your emotional self will lead you straight to your compassion heart which will lead you straight to the energy of your soul. Your soul knows and tells you the reason you are here. Your soul is the only authority. There is no other.
Let us compare you with a seed. The seed knows what to do without being told what to do. All you have to do is learn to take care of the seed and it will come up out of the earth and grow into a healthy plant. So your job is to learn what you need and give yourself what you need so you can grow into the human being that you were born to be. Everyone is lacking in the emotional area so this is the area where the major work occurs. When you develop a loving relationship with your emotional self you know what to do and when - just like the seed.
At least two major opportunities for growth have occurred to you. Your divorce and accident. Perhaps you have already used these events to help you grow and follow your authentic self. It sounds as if you love the town you live in and have moments of pleasure and joy. This is the energy you need to increase, for more success in living your purpose.
Here is my teacher, Jack Schwartz's definition of spiritual energy: "pure, unadulterated energy." This is the healthy energy you want to flow in and out of your body and chakras.
Each human being has:
- Access to pure undiluted energy, which comes in the top of the head.
- A heart with emotions to feel and experience.
- A body for grounding both physical and spiritual energy.
- A soul that knows the answers needed for fulfillment.
- Access to information about universal, natural laws.
- A unique learning history to discover, heal and transform.
You have all of the above qualities to work with, just like every one else. Therefore, you can find and fulfill your purpose in being here. You have the power to use what you know to reach your goals and you have access to information, education and necessary skills training.
As soon as you decide to listen to your purpose and follow your authentic self, you will immediately fall into your natural process. This means you fall in the moment. When you fall into the moment, you feel better immediately because you are in your own natural flow of energy, not in your ego!
You do not have to wait until anything else happens. When you are in the moment, in your body, with an open heart---it is always ENOUGH.
- Find, heal and follow your emotional self. This will heal past wounds and open your chakras. Meditation does not work because you need to stop thinking and directing and start feeling and letting go. I suggest the "Opening the Heart" audio and eBook. Three hours of audio guide you through the confusing ego energy into the authentic self energy so you can find, heal and follow your emotional self to your soul's purpose.
- Desensitize yourself to the driving incident. Read more about PTSD, anxiety, anxiety attacks and panic attacks and how to overcome them in the free library at the Center for New Psychology.
- Pay attention to your breath and see how deep you allow air to go into your lungs. Do you stop your breath at the top of your lungs? Or do you allow air all the way to the bottom of your lungs? When you are holding your breath, try letting go and feeling what is around you and what is inside of you.
Coaching copyright © 2010 Dr. Doris Jeanette
Dr. Doris Jeanette is a licensed psychologist in the USA and director of the Center for New Psychology which offers a
via phone, online and in person workshops and classes. Sign up for her free weekly newsletter, "