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How can I accept the conflict between my worldly and spiritual sides and move into alignment with the person I feel I need to become?

heart to heart About the Questioner
Philosophy: I enjoy the Buddhist take on things, but find it too unconnected with our time, and see many of the traditions and rituals as pointless. I definitely would say I am more connected with New Age philosophies.
Hopes and aspirations: For my life I want to let go of suffering, and live a happy life doing things I'm passionate about. For my spirituality, I want to connect more with my greater self.
Firstly, I'd like to tell you how impressed I was by your answer to the woman who was struggling with herself and her former relationship. It was a fantastic answer, and that's basically all I wanted to say. But now that I'm here, although I don't have any crucial, do-or-die issues in my life, there are some recurring themes which I'd love to see your perspective on. So here's my question...

I am becoming more aware that my life seems to be about cycles, peaks and troughs. Movements into focus, clarity, connectedness, contentment and peace... then diversions into confusion, lack, ego and neediness.

This is especially evident when I consider my spirituality. For long time spirituality has been an important theme in my life, teaching me many fantastic perspectives, values and practices. To me, I go back to spirituality often, because I agree on the principles on an intellectual level, and when I believe in them, it feels good, and that also seems to be an excellent way of my higher self showing its agreement.

But... not all of me agrees, it seems. And this is where, I think, my conflict and polarity lies. I would call this part of me the part that lives and deals with the world, the ego and my conditioning, beliefs and importantly, my instinctive drives. Where my spiritual side would have me sitting at home practicing breathing enjoying the moment, my instinctual drives are demanding me to be at a bar, closing a once night stand. Where I, from my center, suggest eating a fruit salad; the other side is dominating me into ordering the steak, chips and salad. Where one side is suggesting it would be nice to help and give to others, the other is threatening and conniving me to work longer hours in my business so to buy the Mercedes.

How do I accept those parts of myself but also let them go and move more into alignment with the person I feel I need to become? In other words to listen to the whisper, not the roar.

Reply by Coach Doris Jeanette Doris Jeanette
Thank you for your kind remarks and deep appreciation. Your feedback goes into my grateful gem box to take out and admire as needed!

You are a young man with a wise soul. It is uplifting to hear how committed you are to your spiritual journey. I am delighted to address your inner conflict for it is indeed universal. Anyone on this gorgeous blue planet who is a spiritual seeker has the same struggles, conflicts and challenges.

How do you know which voice to listen to?
How do you know truth when it hits you in the guts, face or darkness?
How can you recognize the ego and its denial, distortions and lies?
Everyone desperately needs reliable information and practical tools so they can answer these questions for themselves and stand on solid ground. I have spent 34 years exploring these issues personally and professionally. The old, traditional psychology and the pathology- based, medical model are limited and ineffective in helping us face our current mind-body challenges. As I discovered and began to trust the natural process of transformation, I let go of the old psychology and developed a new psychology.

The goal of the New Psychology is to provide safe, effective solutions to human problems that empower you and equip you for self-realization. If you have not read the holistic psychology definition offered by the Center for New Psychology, take a look. It contrasts the difference between the old, traditional psychology and the future, new psychology. The New Psychology is needed to help humanity take the next quantum leap into a magnificent human being.

Currently, the human brain has the ability to override our physical senses and confuse us about reality. We are taught that we should not trust our feelings, emotions, instincts and intuition. In addition, the medical community in USA has the ability to label people as mentally ill when they are not. Both psychologists and MDs are rapidly labeling many of our sensitive, creative children. Subsequently, this gives parents and schools the right to drug our children. Consider what is happening to our future Albert Einstein's and Abigail Adams! We are drugging the genius that could provide the answers to our problems.

Mental illness is a widespread problem in our species because of our inability to sort out the difference between the ego and the authentic self. There are many times when we cannot differentiate what we know from what we learned. And we cannot always tell what is healthy and what is unhealthy. For this reason, creativity, mental illness, genius, peak performance and spirituality are all intertwined.

So how can you recognize the authentic voice that is inside of you? You cannot use the whisper and the roar as feedback because the ego is an expert in whispers just as it is in roaring! Volume means nothing in terms of truth. Most people are totally unconscious of their ego; they live their whole lives on automatic pilot and do not notice they are being controlled by a silent, sweet ego. Many so-called spiritual people have a very quiet, sugary ego.

Psychobabble prevails, spiritual hype deceives and denial is everywhere. This means you need facts and physical data. I have found that the only way to know truth is to use energy for feedback. This means you need to learn to read, sense, feel, see, taste, hear, and smell energy. It does not matter the means by which you perceive energy, just learn to directly perceive energy. When you can reliability read energy you know the truth.

This means you must learn to perceive the energy of the ego and the energy of the authentic self with accuracy. You need to recognize the energy of your real, emotional self as separate from your learned, controlled thoughts. This difference is huge after you learn to read energy. However, until you recognize the difference it is like being in the middle of a maze without any clues.

The ego is so sneaky; it will fool you at every turn. You cannot use words to know the truth because words lie. You must use energy to know. The game of the ego is always control. If your energy is controlled or out of control, look around for your ego. Only when your energy is flowing naturally are you being authentic and real. I have written a whole book, "Fear is the Pathway to Freedom and Joy," to help people discover and know the truth from the lies. The book is not published; I am looking for a publisher or agent.

There is no magical way to be successful. All mystics over the age's talk about "the dark night of the soul." If you have not experienced "the dark night of the soul," then you are not transforming your darker, denser energy into more light and love. To be successful you need to develop your ability to let go of control because this is the only way your energy can flow freely. As long as you control your energy there is no way you can trust spirit and allow spirit to move through you. You will know you are on the correct path when you let go of control over and over again as you make your way through the unconscious.

Strange as it may seem, fear is the healthy energy you need to follow in order to get out of the maze. Do not confuse anxiety with fear. Nature knows what she is doing. She gave you everything you need to survive and flourish. Real fear will keep you safe as you move through the dark maze of the unconscious. The natural process is such that fear turns into desire, which automatically brings you back up to the light of the conscious mind. This is explained in more detail in the "Opening the Heart" audio and E-book. When you pop back up, you are full of new strengths and great joy! This process happens naturally just like being tumbled by an ocean wave. If you stiffen up, you could get hurt or drown, if you let go and relax, you will pop back up to the top and be free.

Your observation that life goes in cycles is truth. A real person does not go in a straight line anywhere. Neither does Mother Nature. It is only the ego, which thinks it "should" go in a straight line! You will go up and down in natural cycles that are perfect for you and your growth process. You need to follow your natural process. Your natural process is the healthy energy flow that is taking you to the place you need to go. When you "do" something that you "should not" do, it might be just what you need to do to bring more light and love into your body.

The task before you is the most exciting, joyful path one can take. You will move through the unconscious maze again and again so you can walk in wide-open spaces with your body alive, your heart open and your head high. Enjoy every step.

Action Steps To Letting Go

  1. Read about energy. I highly recommend one of my teachers, "Human Energy Systems" by Jack Schwartz.
  2. Learn to let go, a necessary skill for transformation of energy.
  3. Learn to perceive the energy of the ego and the energy of the authentic self with accuracy so your ego cannot fool you or overpower you. I recommend the "Opening the Heart" audio series which guides you into your heart so you learn to recognize the energy of your real, emotional self as separate from your learned, controlled thoughts.

Coaching copyright © 2010 Dr. Doris Jeanette
Doris Jeanette has been a spiritual seeker since she went in search of a playmate at the age of two. She got her first spanking and learned the hard lesson of the dangers of physical life on planet earth.
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