I feel very depressed and angry with my children because my love has turned them into monsters of selfishness
About the Questioner
Hopes and aspirations: To contribute to a better world for me, my family and the rest of the people. To be able to enjoy the simple things in life and to be loved.
Teenagers, younger children, and often adults too, can develop anger and rebellious behavior because they don't feel heard ... listened to ... acknowledged for how THEY feel. Without saying or suggesting anything judgemental here, I would suggest that you try to stand back from the situation a bit, and look at it differently. Try to see it from your daughter's point of view, if you can. This is not about you and your feelings just at the moment; it's about doing your best to connect with how your daughter is feeling - and why - and starting to do things differently. If you do things differently; you will get different results.
Therefore I would recommend a different approach: if what I've already said makes some sense to you, then do your best to get your daughter to sit and have a conversation with you, based on you telling her that you really want to listen to what she has to say about the way that she feels; and that not only do you want to listen but you really want to 'hear her' - that you want to hear and understand what she is feeling - by consciously listening without saying one single word. Yes - that's right - please just allow her to speak - and respect what she is saying - even if you don't agree with it!
Even though she is only 19 - and your daughter - she deserves to be shown respect. And that is often one of the biggest hurdles between parents and their children; that the parents demand respect from the children but don't show any respect 'to' the children. They are people too, regardless of their age. And I am hoping that this explanation and suggestion to you is not taken personally - because I don't wish to offend or judge you. I dearly wish to be of some assistance to how you are feeling - and to help you and your family to find some inner peace and harmony. This response of mine might seem quite harsh to you - but I must say it as I see it - based on my experience with situations like the one that you have described. If I have mis-interpreted or mis-understood this situation - then please forgive me for that. You did mention that you are angry with your children and I would guess that they are feeling that anger, and reacting towards it by their behaviors. I sincerely do hope that this loving and caring challenge of mine does help all of you.
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