I am completely lost, have no direction, and feel consumed with sadness on all levels. I want so much to be full of life again.
About the Questioner
Hopes and aspirations: To find myself, see myself, and obtain self-worth, and wholeness. To free myself from whatever it is that is keeping me from being a participant in my own life. From allowing myself to be free to be me just as I am creatively, unlocking my full inner potential for joy, love, and abundance. Ultimately finding myself and begin living my true self and discovering the path to soul purpose. And being, absorbing my life's purpose, so that I may give back and be the change I want to see in the world. Healing purely from the heart.
I have always had a heavy heart, its something I've had from the beginning, even before choosing to come to be born. I am completely lost, I have no direction. I have always put everyone and everything else before me for so long, that I allowed myself to fade away. In a way I feel as if I truly don't even know myself or who I once was. Possibly I never have known who I am. My whole life has been filled with feelings of being worthless, unlovable, and not really having anything to bring to the table. You know, never feeling that I'm good enough, or worthy enough for anyone or anything.
I have a 2½ yr old little boy and I want so much to be full of life again. For so long nothing moves me, excites me, or interests me. I'm a single mommy and I live as though I am a hermit; always by myself, never leaving the house, or even dating or being in any relationships. I have fully stopped living if you will. I am so ready for change and the opportunity to pull myself out of this RUT! Just not sure how to go about it.
I know I am a healer and a deeply spiritual person. It's just that when it comes to me, it just doesn't feel natural to put my needs or desires to attention. I feel selfish if I think about what I want or may desire to do. So it's me myself who allows such neglect of myself. I don't know how to free myself from this prison I've had myself in for so long. I'm ready to fully come into my own, and live every moment of everyday consciously and in the present. I have to find a way to allow myself the ability to LET GO!! Do you think you could guide me and give me some insight as to your thoughts and feelings of my current situation? From the heart.
As a result you are stuck in helplessness and despair. You don't even "try" to reach your goals anymore. You sound as though you are extremely depressed. As a holistic psychologist, when I use the term depression, I mean that your energy is depressed. For example, you have very little energy and do not move much. In addition, the energy that you are stuck in is dense, heavy and dark. This is the energy of depression.
The heavy heart is also a sign of depression. Depression is a state of mind. This is because depressed energy is mental energy as opposed to emotional energy. Authentic emotions are energy in motion so they add colorful, vital energy to the body and energy field. Depression is composed of dark, dense, heavy energy. I have literally seen clouds of black and grey energy around people with depression, especially around the head.
Your "feelings of sadness" also sound like depressed energy that is not moving. I can feel and hear the weight in your words so it appears that you are not directly experiencing the emotional pain that is in your heart. Instead, you are stuck in a type of physical numbness that is typical of depression. If you open your heart and solar plexus by feeling your authentic emotions, you will drop into the authentic emotion of sadness. When you directly experience the sad energy, your energy will move and naturally resolve itself. As a matter of fact, your sadness will motivate you to "try again" and help you be successful in reaching your soul's purpose. Pain is the prime mover for positive action. Your emotional energy is the necessary, vital energy you need to be fully alive and successful in your body, here on Earth.
Having studied the relationship between anxiety and depression for many years, I finally discovered that depression is an avoidance response. As a learning researcher, I noticed that my clients depressed their energy to avoid the critical, nasty, judgmental thoughts in their psyche. Again, notice your behavior. When you start to do something you like or love, your critical thoughts call you "selfish." This immediately stops you. You think you are selfish and you don't do what you like or love! Therefore, you stay in the depressed state. This is exactly how your judgmental, critical thoughts keep you stuck in depression.
Isn't it fun to discover the emotional energy dynamics of what is going on inside of you? Now, you can learn how to face your nasty thoughts instead of depressing your energy! To be successful, you need to learn how to reduce your anxiety and stop your nasty thoughts from blocking your successful movements forward. As you reduce your anxiety you will automatically narrow the gap between what you plan to do and what is physically possible. This is because an essential part of anxiety reduction is learning how to create small, baby steps that are realistic. These small steps will successfully take you out of your depressed energy into your authentic heart felt, emotional self.
Your emotional self will naturally lead you to your beautiful soul energy. As a result, your life will be full of purpose, meaning and joy as you do what you came here to do. Please note that healthy feelings will occur as soon as you drop into your authentic emotions, you do not have to wait until you reach your soul to feel good, you will feel better as soon as you tap into your natural flow of healthy energy. This is because the journey to your soul is fun, rich and meaningful, every step of the way.
To learn more about depression from a holistic psychology point of view, visit the free library at drjeanette.com and order the educational audio Overcome Depression Naturally, which will help you move out of depressed energy.
To learn how to take small baby steps toward your goals and face your nasty thoughts instead of depressing your energy, take the Overcome Anxiety Naturally online course, which includes audio, body exercises and written lessons.
Coaching copyright © 2010 Dr. Doris Jeanette
Read more questions on this topic
John Green, comments August 2010:
Firstly, in my opinion what Coach Doris Jennette has said is excellent advice which I would assume is most likely born of experience, training, knowledge and talent.
I too have suffered from anxiety and depression from time to time through life... and have found the simplest way to change this situation within is first to accept that you got this way so far by your own decisions so you should be able to change it to a positive outcome in a similar way.... which meant for me.... was to take action... then decide that your common sense is telling you that it also means that action can be anything positive.... and if I repeat that enough times it ought to become a habit I can get into which would produce the appropriate result I want for myself...
It will also tell you that in order to get positive you need to decide to stop sabotaging your efforts to act positively... your mind being the biggest culprit.... if you let it tell you you are tired and sad.... that will become your conscious reality ... allowing yourself to become helpless looking for a way out but not wanting to change how you think... we all become what we think about ....none of us are bad or useless we decide that for our selves...and it always starts in the mind...
Quote: "I have always had a heavy heart, its something I've had from the beginning, even before choosing to come to be born. I am completely lost, I have no direction. I have always put everyone and everything else before me for so long, that I allowed myself to fade away. In a way I feel as if I truly don't even know myself or who I once was. Possibly I never have known who I am. My whole life has been filled with feelings of being worthless, unlovable, and not really having anything to bring to the table."
To change this.... only one way I know of is STOP thinking about your past negatively.... throw it out.... it no longer serves you... everytime you think about that pull yourself up and tell yourself you dont need to think about that anymore... you got the message... and leave your past where it belongs.... and STOP thinking about your present and your future using your past as a reference point.... there are many ways you can do this... and one I used as I didnt have much money to buy therapy was to look myself in the mirror eyeball to eyeball and tell myself I loved me... over and over everyday until I stopped squirming inside and started to believe it... ...telling myself I was worth the effort I was putting in... and closing out all thoughts of feeling silly, stupid, idiotic, foolish, selfishness, ego, self indulgence etc etc, and any desire to stop doing it........ this was my rescue line and I could do it myself without help or cost financially and it worked.... I started feeling better and better... I started counting my blessings everyday looking for them in everything I saw touched and felt... simple things... a fine day... a cloud ... a little rain... sunshine... a tree, a flower, a hat, a blouse, eyes, hair, clothes...old wrinkles, young faces, animals...... etc etc... and things around me started changing for the better without seemingly me doing anything to make it happen....!!!
It's almost like add love to yourself and everything around you adds love to you too including people around you no matter how much you try to avoid them..... so I figured that love was a decision and if that was true then all I had to do was to decide to give it to myself... it worked... and is still working.... I am grateful every day now for the life I have found and the person I found in that journey.... I also realised that if I kept blaming the childhood I had growing up in deprivation abuse and violence for the way I was as an adult I could never be free, I would always be at the mercy of my young past and would have to wait for other people to change toward me before I could have happiness for myself...
I wish for you all the very best because you are human just like me with the same feelings outlooks and intelligences that fluctuate and adjust to our environments ...and I know you will become the spirit that exists within your heart that is full of love.... we live on a planet of opposite magnetic poles and therefore have to experience negative and positive- light and dark - night and day - to be able function and learn to grow from the experience...but we dont have to get lost in that...we always carry the key to both sides within us... just a choice to make for we also have all the power necessary to manifest our own reality at all times.