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I am backing off from completing a project that's important to me and don't understand why.

heart to heart Question
I am a 41 year old woman, happily married for 18 years, mother of 2 lovely children, living in the land I love to live most (we are a Dutch family that moved to Austria 5 years ago). Living my dream, I am still walking into a wall when it concerns the work I would love to do.

Always having an open ear for people, I have coached a lot of them during my lifetime so I decided to do a life coach course. This is really it for me, but I just heard that I need a University Education to do that kind of job here in Austria. Very disappointing of course, but I learned I could give workshops on those subjects.

I am working hard on my first workshop, but now that I am close at completing the writing for the workshop, I find I am stopping myself one way or another. I find myself doing things that are suddenly "very important" to do (although I must admit that exploring FaceBook can't be that important...) and stop continuing with this workshop.

I've got the feeling that I am scared off by something, but I cannot find exactly what it is. It might be the fear of success, the fear of failure, of being rejected.

My husband is very supportive and tries to help me as good as he can, but this are something I know I have to do myself. Do you have any suggestions on how to help myself finish this project and not facing a dead end again (this is a behavior I find myself doing again and again)?

Reply by Coach Doris Jeanette Doris Jeanette
Many of us have what my business mentor, Marcia Yudkin calls "unfinishitis." We can complete many tasks, jobs and climb mountain peaks and yet have great trouble when it comes to finishing another goal that is important to us. I have explored my own "unfinishitis," so I know how you feel and what you can do to help yourself.

Give yourself credit for moving to a new country and living your dreams in many ways. This is wonderful. Now you have a new mountain to climb in front of you. The goal is to reach the top and enjoy the climb.

There are basically three reasons for unfinishitis:

1. You don't know how to do it.
2. You are scared to do it.
3. You don't want to do it.
You may know straight away which category or categories apply to you. I would need to do a consultation to make an accurate personal assessment of where you are stuck. Here are some comments about each category.

1. You do not know how to do something.
Since workshops are new for you, this means you have to learn how to do them. You are in a beginner's role and need to accept the natural process of what it takes to learn something new. There are many interpersonal, speaking, presentation, group and body language skills involved in being a good workshop leader.

Working with a teacher, mentor and coach would be helpful if you want to excel at what you do. Take note that the world's greatest singers have used singing coaches even at the peak of their career.

As soon as I got my doctorate degree in psychology, I did a post doctorate in sex therapy and behavior therapy. Picking and choosing skillful energy teachers over the last 34 years helped me develop my natural gifts so I could be more effective with my clients. When managed care changed my private practice in the USA, I quickly found marketing mentors so I could continue to flourish without insurance regulation.

One personnel study in the USA showed that training via reading manuals and listening to audio improved people's performance by 23%. However, when they added coaching, people's performance skyrocketed to 88%! This is huge.

Teachers, mentors and coaches really help you finish your tasks and reach your goals. Use them.

2. You are scared to do it.
I am sure you are correct about your fear of success, fear of failure and fear of rejection. Use these fears to help you prepare and develop the skill set you need to be successful. They will help you avoid embarrassment and failure. Face your fears realistically as you approach your goal.

Anxiety on the other hand is quite different from fear. It is well documented that anxiety impedes the performance of any mental or physical task. From athletes to workshop leaders, we have to learn how to overcome our anxiety in order to do our best.

Even a little anxiety can make you avoid your workshop tasks instead of completing on them. The anxiety in your body and nervous system needs to be reduced. One option is to learn the basic body skills needed to reduce your anxiety in the online course, Overcome Anxiety Naturally. It shows you how to remove self-judgments, get grounded and overcome conditioned responses.

3. You do not want to do it.
It is possible that you are pushing yourself to do something you do not really want to do. This means you are resisting the workshop by getting in your own way simply because you do not want to do it. The inner workings of your psyche are very fascinating so never underestimate its power to get what it wants!

Help yourself with any of the three reasons that apply to you and you will be on your way to a satisfied, fulfilling career. Completely check out the laws about coaching in Australia. I would love to know what they are myself. You can be creative about how to present yourself and your skills to others so you are within the law and still able to offer people the skills you have that are valuable.

It is possible that you may be comfortable with coaching and not comfortable with workshops. Workshops skills are completely different from coaching skills. Of course you can become comfortable doing workshops but give yourself time to learn and grow into the new responsibilities.

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