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How can I make new friends when people all seem established in their friendships and don't seem to want to connect?


heart to heart Question
I started to feel lost in life when, in trying to escape the stresses of teaching, I obtained a job with a charity 150 miles away from home. I moved to the new city but became disillusioned as I just didn't fit into the culture of the place and the job was not for me. Two years later, after trying to make things work, I have come back home to live with my parents as I had been battling with anxiety and depression and isolation. I just felt unable to connect with people properly and decided it was better to have the company of my parents than live in a city alone.

I really want to be the bubbly fun person I know is inside but it's like my self esteem has taken such a knock and I feel dull and it is so hard to find people with whom I feel I can connect. How can I make meaningful friendships in a place where people all seem established in their friendships and who don't seem to want to connect in a more meaningful way?
Reply by Coach Phil Evans Phil Evans
I'm going to go out on a limb here and get you to ask yourself a couple of critical questions. Firstly... at any stage of this journey that you're on (after leaving home first time) have you been true to yourself ? Or - were you running away from someone or something? I feel that this question is about how YOU are feeling about life and yourself, rather than others not being so nice or easy to befriend.

As you think about this situation of yours, please remember this critical principle of life: To thine own self be true! Also... at any time during this journey have you felt that you've connected with your real purpose in life - or are you doing all of these things for an underlying reason? In other words... what is your real passion in life? What really rattles your inner self to the point of absolute joy and enthusiasm?

Your not-so-good feelings are possibly a result of not being true to whatever that purpose or passion is. I will explain what depression or long term sadness is usually based in... One of the foundations of feeling horrible is often pure guilt. We can feel guilty that we are NOT doing what we know that we should be doing; or we can feel guilty that we are NOT where we know that we should be; or we can feel absolutely terrible if we are NOT with the person that we know we should be with! We can also simply feel guilty for something that we have done which was unlike love or good integrity.

Does any of this resonate with you? Please let me know, as I am intuiting some of this, and some of it is just out of experience. If you feel more comfortable with yourself, and enthusiastic about what you are doing, you will also feel closer to those around you and it will just naturally follow that you make associations, particularly if they share your interests and passions as well.

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