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I feel insecure and incomplete, lacking confidence and afraid

heart to heart Question
I always feel that I am in search of something. I need something. I am lacking somewhere. I feel that I am incomplete and I feel afraid of people. Fear of people is not so intense but I feel insecure from inside. I want to do hard work so that I may earn a great name but I lack consistency. When it comes to work hard I really can't. I look cool, calm and confident physically but feel my nerves stretched and nervous. Even if I am innocent on any occasion, I still feel guilty of wrong and fear that I am the defaulter, and then afterwards I fight with my own self. Please guide me so that I can get rid of this lack of confidence and fear.
Reply by Coach Doris Jeanette Doris Jeanette
I know exactly how you feel. Everyone I have seen, read about and known has the same feelings deep inside.

In addition many people have a similar false image that they project out into the world of looking cool, calm and confident. Some people project out into the world an un-cool, anxious and insecure false image. Both of these are images of the ego and do not reflect the real self with the real feelings inside.

Inside we are all alike with the same feelings, emotions and insecurities. I have seen in my office and coached on the phone many extremely successful and famous surgeons, politicians, actors, bankers and football players who all felt just like you do inside. So be reassured, you are not alone.

You suffer from the universal human condition called guilt. You experience guilt even when you are innocent. Guilt is one of the most terrible experiences a human can have. Guilt is a lose-lose situation. No matter what you do, you are wrong, bad, a sinner, no good and awful.

Guilt is not a real feeling, it is a learned, conditioned response. In other words you learned to think of yourself as wrong, bad, a sinner and awful. The adults in your world taught you to judge yourself as bad, wrong and a sinner at a very early age.

Rest assured, you are not bad, wrong or awful. This is not accurate. Instead, it reflects a deep and long lasting problem with the human psyche at this point in our development. Many cultures, countries and religions teach you that you are wrong, bad and awful just because you exist.

This is a false belief that needs to be corrected so that humans do not continue to suffer from guilt about being alive. Guilt is used to control you and make you do what authorities want you to do. Guilt is a massive form of manipulation and deception.

I was taught to feel guilt just like everyone else when I did something someone did not want me to do. I clearly remember the day when I did not feel guilt for the first time in my life. It was a day of freedom, self-acceptance and relief. You deserve to have that day come to you when you get rid of the nasty energy of guilt and feel free, happy and secure.

The energy of guilt binds you up in knots so that you experience life just as you describe it. To break free from guilt you need to recognize the nasty, sticky energy of the lose-lose tangled knot and make conscious choices that get rid of this unhealthy energy.

Currently, you do not know or understand the energy of guilt, you confuse guilt with the truth. To learn how to recognize guilt and understand how mental judgments create it, study the self-help audio, "Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment" (ordering details below).

Once you have the ability to recognize that you are in a lose-lose situation you will know rationally and logically that it is a crazy, unhealthy state to live in. Then you can make rational and logical decisions that are healthy and supportive of you and your life's work.

You do not need to get rid of your lack of confidence and fear. You need to get rid of guilt. As you have already proven to yourself, your image that you are cool and confident does not work. You need to feel confident from the inside in a real and tangible way.

Follow your real feelings inside of you to break free from your false beliefs. They will lead you to light, love and the wonderful world of reality. Reality is the only place that is secure, solid and smart.

In reality you are an imperfect, worthwhile, growing, lovable, precious human being. You can grow and develop yourself into an emotionally healthy person without guilt.

Let me know if this helps you and how.

Doris Jeanette, Psy.D. is the director of the Center for New Psychology a series of holistic psychology self help audios which includes, "Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment." Get the information and support you need to say goodbye to guilt traps, order "Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment" for 29.97 and receive a bonus audio of an interview with Jenna Catherine, author of Conversing with the Future: Visions of 2020, called "Use Your Future Self and Creative Mind for More Success," worth 29.97.

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