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My relationship is on/off and we haven't been loyal. Should we keep trying to work this out or do we need to let go and move on?

heart to heart Question
About a year and a half ago I fell in love with the most wonderful woman I have met in my life. We explored each other's fear, love, divinity, and several other intense emotions. We had a very successful relationship until I left for school. We decided it would be best to break up when I went to school because of the long distance. During this time, my lover slept with her ex boyfriend twice even though she knew how it would make me feel. I know that what she did was out of lust and she was very unhappy with her decision making.

After that whole ordeal, we tried to get back together but broke up because it didn't feel right and I felt that we were not holding the highest intention. Once we broke up a second time, I made unloyal decisions and so did she once again. It has been about two months now and we are still in contact with each other, but I feel that I can't be with her because of the decisions we made while we were not together. I am wondering if we should keep trying to work this out or do we need to let go and move on?

Reply by Coach Phil Evans Phil Evans
Your situation is one which is repeated around us so frequently; most of us have made similar 'mistakes' in our lives; and have been in the situation that you are in right now. Decision time: but what the heck do I do?

You need to look at your options really: What is involved in trying to heal the situation? and what are you both trying to heal which is a lesson from the past perhaps? And does it really 'serve' you both to go down that track?

On the other hand, are you both 'hanging on' to old emotional scars which you both (or even one of you) need to heal? Is there a pattern here for either of you? Something which is being repeated perhaps, and needs to be dealt with, or it will raise its ugly head again with someone else .... next time?

I strongly believe that if you ask the questions of yourselves, and divine source, then you will both be capable of seeing the truth in your situation. Heal and grow ... or receive a wake up call and let go?

The most important part of this huge question is this, "If I am true to my inner self, can I really forgive and move on, and choose to discover what true unconditional love really is? And then do I have the courage to risk further pain by persevering and giving it a go?"

One way to create success in our lives is to let go of old stuff ... and move on. May the following piece of wisdom (by an unknown writer) help you with that process...

Letting Go

To "let go" does not mean to stop caring. It means I can't do it for someone else.
To "let go" is not to cut myself off. It's the realization that I can't control another.
To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another. It's to make the most of myself.
To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.
To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To "let go" is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.
To "let go" is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To "let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To "let go" is to fear less and to love more.
I do hope that this gives you some inspiration to look at your situation with a slightly different view as to what the answer might really be (for you both). When you really understand about "letting go" you have understood what acceptance is about, and there is no place in that consciousness for emotions like jealousy that are really about control and manipulation, caused by the absence of genuine, respectful love for self and others - with fear replacing love.

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