Should I continue my secure career, or follow my inspiration and become a musician?
The questioner's philosophy
I've been through several severe psychological diseases, I've been diagnosed as schizophrenic, but always succeeded in recovering and going on in my life. Nowadays, my life has been stabilized, through medication and through self development. I'm wiser than yesterday, I take my time, try not to respond to inner urges, feel deeply what I want and what I need. Now, I have really taken in hand the driving of my life. Obviously, I make mistakes but I think that I'm on the right path.
Recently I have been practising violin, little by little, as an amateur. There is a deep love between me and my instrument and I really feel like my goal is to become a musician, authentically.
Nowadays, I work in a research lab as a mathematician. It pays well, schedules are flexible, and I find a kind of well being in doing my job correctly. This rewards me with pleasure. Nevertheless, I feel tormented when I do math, I rarely feel that inner sparkle, this pure water that connects me to the Source as when I play violin. My hypothesis is that I'm doing math for wrong reasons, just practicing for obtaining celebrity and congratulations of my colleagues. This seems to be a kind of ego-trip for me. Ugh...
On the other hand, I feel the deep call to become a musician. I feel quiet when I practice, very centered, and very refreshed. I work hard when I do it and I'm rewarded by a strong inner peace. The problem is that I'm not a "virtuoso." And there is my fear: I don't know if I can succeed as a musician professionally.
So, my Soul is divided. Should I follow the "math" path, looking in the mirror of myself to find who I really am, or should I follow my inspiration, even without "material" success. This is my strongest fear.
I always recommend following your heart, or inspiration. That is necessary to be truly happy. However, Earth life does have requirements. Until the path of the heart can demonstrate that it will also support you financially, keep your day job. But make the path of the heart your number 1 priority. Give it all the time you can and ask your guidance to help you find a way to make a living at it. Then you will have both.
Look at it this way, you are in an old house that no longer meets your needs. You want a new house. So you start building the new house. You bring to it everything you want, everything you know will make you happy. Until the new house reaches a certain stage of development where you can actually move in, you must remain in the old house. But you visit the new house everyday and keep adding to it. A point comes where the new house is ready for occupancy. It may not be finished, but it is well enough along to allow you to move in. And that's exactly when you move. You say goodbye to the old house and move into the new one. Once there, you continue adding to it, finishing it and making it your own.
Make a plan for the new job, the job that lights up your heart and start your research. Learn everything about it. Where are the opportunities, who is hiring, or should you start a business. Once you've done your research, you can lay out a plan, because now you know where you are going. When it's time to make the leap, your heart will tell you.
This is the power of "Intention." You identify your target. You focus on it. You work toward it. And when the timing is right, you leap.