Margaret Both comments, Jan 2010:
There appears to be a misunderstanding about the teenage children. They are not the biological children of the husband, rather he is their step-father.
It is a sad situation that the man’s parents are so unforgiving and inflexible. However, he owes his allegiance to his wife and then to his step-children if he is to be a good and proper husband and parent.
He needs to stand up to his parents, without dishonouring them, and state that he is now married and the step-father of teenagers; he loves his wife and step-children, and his parents are causing unnecessary grief all round by not accepting that fact; that he has his own life to live the way he see most fit. Because he has seemingly not taken a mature approach and has allowed himself to be dictated to by his parents, then they will never respect him and will invariably dominate the situation. Parents have no right to treat their adult children as children, unless that adult child gives permission, which it appears what this man has done.
I think that the 675 acre family farm is probably at the crux of the matter. It could be that the son, as the eldest, may lose his share of the inheritance if he doesn’t ‘kowtow’ to his parents. As this man does not appear to have biological children of his own and his wife is 10 years his senior, then perhaps his parents have real issues about their Will. Money or property is often the cause of family disputes.
Anita comments, Jan 2010:
Wow, this woman's situation sounds very similar to what my family went through. After a year of not seeing my husband because of 'always being at his parents farm' at the drop of a hat (yes, parental approval wanted here), coming home always grumpy and tired - and yelling at the kids..... I finally told him I would leave him. Not because I didn't love him, but because I could not carry on living this way... my head space was not good... I was yelling at the kids in my frustrations... basically not a good life.
He was never appreciated from his parents since a kid... always left alone to watch his younger siblings... parents too busy to spend time with them etc... So there was a lot of those 'childhood' repercusions etc. And yet he was still never appreciated to this day. Anyway, basically I asked him to CHOOSE between me or his parents... His life was here and now with us... not his parents..... (in my way of selfish thinking anyway).
To cut a long story short.... it didn't help that we lived only 10 minutes away from the farm... but one week later he got offered two jobs... took one of them and now works four days on and four days off... he is very happy with four days at home with us.... getting things done that HE wants to do round the house... and is no longer stressed all the time....
Basically, he focused on what he REALLY wanted out of his life... and did he love the lifestyle he was living. His answer was no. so he focused on what he wanted - and HE GOT IT!
Our family life is amazing, he gets more 'loving' from me... and I no longer put pressure on him IN ANY FORM whatsoever.... everything happens for a reason and at the right time... I guess it had to take a year for us to make these huge changes... but well worth the wait.
Maybe something of the above may help.... maybe not.... at the end of the day... maybe ask yourself.. am I happy.? If no, then what actions can be taken to be happy.... you only have one life... it is long... it needs to be enjoyed by all.