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Relationship or personal growth - which do I choose?
The questioner's philosophy
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I am a New Thought Christian.
The questioner's hopes and aspirations
It's my dream to teach others how to find their own truth through learning of the realities of the self.
I have been living with my boyfriend for the past six years. He is a wonderful, kind and loving person but he is absolutely not for me. I look back now and can see that I chose him at a time when my self esteem was quite low and I needed someone to shore me up, someone who deep down I felt I was "better" than and so I could point my fingers at all his perceived faults and thereby feel better about myself.
Reply by Coach Maurice Turmel
Four years ago, I began to study the teachings of Neale Donald Walsch, Louise Hay and other renowned metaphysical teachers and my life turned upside down... for the better! There followed a period of rapid growth and I was given many insights into many aspects of my feelings and behaviors. I tried very hard to share my newfound knowledge and awakenings with my partner but was soundly rebuffed. In fact, I was told I was trafficking with the devil and his black arts! Needless to say, this was the beginning of the demise of our relationship.
I continue my studies and meditations despite his objections as I do realize we each evolve differently, in perfect accord with the will of the Divine. In other words, I allow him to be who he is, where he is. He does not grant me the same favor. I would like him to move out (the apartment is in my name) but because he is a "nice guy" I hesitate to hurt him and I know he would be hurt. However, I am drowning and getting desperate to move on. He, however, will most likely use the excuse that he has no money right now (true) and needs time to save up to move (he's used this excuse in the past when we've quarreled and I've asked him to leave) in hopes that all will blow over and I'll change my mind. This time, however, I won't.
I don't know how to proceed and would truly like an objective outside view and advice. Thank you so much.
You sound like a very intelligent woman who is beginning to recognize who and what she is beyond the bounds of the physical. You are on a growth path. You are passionate about what you are learning. You're exactly the kind of person that can make the most of spiritual and personal growth resources available on the net and at this website because they resonate with you.
You admit your relationship is dead. You may be living together but you are no longer together at the level of the heart. You say you had low self-esteem at the beginning but that has changed since you've undertaken your personal development. As a result of these interests he accuses you of flirting with the devil. So he doesn't get what you are about anymore, and what brought you together originally no longer exists.
You say you don't want to hurt him by telling him to leave. Perhaps what you're afraid of is how you will feel when you see the hurt in his eyes. Whose feelings are you trying to spare?
It's seems inevitable that one of you has to leave so decide which one. Unless you believe he is going to die from such news then there is no reason to hold back. Make your decision and do it. Trying to spare someone's feelings because their hurt will make you feel guilty will only prolong the misery for both of you. If the relationship is no longer working for one of the partners, then there is no relationship.
By your own description there is no longer a relationship here. So deal with the practical matters. Who stays? Who goes? No hesitation! No excuses! Just do it!
Why is this important? By hanging on to him and making excuses for why you can't take action you are now delaying your personal and spiritual growth. If you value all your New Age readings and personal growth efforts while he still believes in the devil, then you are not on the same path, not even close. People who believe in the devil in this day and age are stuck in worn out religious scare tactics and wouldn't recognize a growth opportunity if it fell on their heads.
I'm just telling you what you already know... It's over. Time to move on.
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