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I always want more money and I'm frustrated, angry and unhappy all the time.


heart to heart The questioner's philosophy
Be careful of what you ask from the universe because your wishes do come true, but in what form or shape you never know. I'm a Hindu.
The questioner's hopes and aspirations
I want to love and be loved by all my near and dear ones.
Question
I have always seen my dad complain about how life has been so unfair to him, by taking all that he holds dear - meaning all the money and the status that comes with it. I have always seen him praising people who have lots of materialistic things. According to him, money is how you judge how good people are. And that's how I judge people who come in my life - according to their bank balance.

I'm afraid of the super rich because I feel inferior to them and I look down upon rest of the world who are my equal or have less money then I do. This has affected my life in all the wrong ways - even my married life. I've been married for 7 years. Today I realize I married my husband because I thought him to be of a certain status in society - and he was not, so I look down on him. No matter how much he cares and loves me, he is never able to satisfy me. I was jealous of my sister because she married into a financially better family then mine.

I can't tolerate people who have more expensive things than me. I find them either arrogant or snobbish. This mindset is affecting my life, spoiling my married life, my friendships and relationships. I have turned into a shopaholic, who can't help spending all the time to compete with the world even though I have no money to spare.

Please help. I'm frustrated, angry and unhappy all the time with my parents, husband and myself.
Wallace's reply
Wallace
My dear lady, what an unhappy perspective you have chosen to have on life. Your basic problem is not money but comparison. You feel the need to constantly compare yourself to others, especially with regard to materialistic things. At some point when you were young, listening to your father, you decided to compare yourself to others to see how you "measured up" and ever since then you have suffered from this feeling of lack and the associated feelings of both inferiority and superiority. When we are young we look to our parents to be our guiding light and often come to conclusions early in life that shape us, and that we must, later in life, unlearn and leave behind.

So the first thing I want you to do is to become aware of how you are constantly comparing yourself to others and judging yourself as either inferior or superior. To have this awareness I want you to learn to observe your own mind working, as if it belonged to someone else. Do not try to change it. Simply learn to observe it and in doing so become aware of this tendency you have to compare yourself with others and how feelings of inferiority and superiority follow as soon as you seek to compare. Try and catch this tendency every time it happens, as soon as it begins to happen. By developing this inner discipline of self observation and awareness you will be half way to going beyond your comparative habit.

As you go through this healing process I want you to consciously focus on feeling grateful for all that you have in your life, by composing a little prayer of gratitude and saying it first thing in the morning and last thing at night. To help you I suggest the following prayer by one of our Cultivate Life! contributors, Owen Waters...
"I am grateful for life
And all that I love;
I am grateful for the Earth
And the Sun up above;
I am grateful for my spirit
And my inner being,
For the One that I express
And the joy of this feeling."
Saying this prayer at the beginning and end of the day and recalling it whenever you want something you do not really need will help you exchange feelings of lack and emptiness with feelings of abundance - which in turn will reduce your shopping addiction and cause you anger and frustration to dissipate.

By remaining constantly aware of your need to compare yourself with others as soon as it begins to happen, by taking some time to release buried emotional blockages with EFT, and by saying prayers of gratitude, you will gradually go beyond your attachment to money and materialism and your anger and frustration, which is caused by a continual sense of lack, will gradually lose its hold.

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