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How do I start over when I have nothing?

heart to heart The questioner's philosophy
I seem to lose faith every now and then, but I feel I have my own personal relationship with God and although now is a bad time for me, I know there's a reason.
The questioner's hopes and aspirations
My hope is that one day I can be at peace with myself, watch my grandchildren grow and wait for the Lord.
I left an abusive partner a year ago, whom I have been linked to for 20 years. I have two boys by a previous marriage. Their father is now a pastor, but didn't and still don't have much to do with my kids, who are adults.

Since leaving the abuser I have struggled - I have nowhere to live and no money. My question is, "How do you start over with nothing and I do mean nothing?" Sometimes I want to give up or go back to what was bad and that scares me. I've never had to wake up and wonder where I was going to sleep or eat but now I do.

My youngest son is in the army now; I write him every other day. He knows nothing about the struggle. My oldest has a son of his own and is divorced so I can't burden him. Please do you have any suggestion - I need your help. You are probably wondering about my family, let me explain. I have two daschunds whom are ten years old; my family members have dogs of their own. To some it may sound crazy but they are like my children!

Wallace's reply
Wallace My dear lady, how misguided you are to feel you have nothing! I know you may have not very much in material terms but you have your relationship with your Higher Self - God Within - the source of all abundance and no one can take that relationship away from you - but are you using it to assist you in your present situation?

Let me give you an example of how this relationship with your Higher Self can come to your aid and help you with material concerns and needs. At the moment my wife and I are letting an apartment. Every week the apartment sits empty costs us €200 and like a lot of people these days we have to watch our costs. Furthermore we are letting this apartment in a shrinking rental market in Dublin. Many of the foreign nationals that came into the country during the boom years are now leaving with the advent of recession. I had placed the apartment on the site for two weeks and except for 2 calls and one email just after it going on line the phone has been dead and my email inbox empty of enquiries. Then yesterday, while calm and relaxed when out on my mountain forest walk that I take 2/3 times a week, I asked for guidance from my Higher Self as to what I could do to help attract enquiries from prospective tenants. As I walked along this mountain trail I stayed with this request, visiting it ever so gently from time to time while I took in the peace and beauty of the forest and mountain views.

Suddenly I received the idea of cutting the amount we asked for a deposit in half, from €1,000 to €500. Why had I had this idea? What was its value? Then suddenly I received the insight I needed. Many tenants in the present recession find it hard to raise the capital needed to pay a deposit for an apartment. As a landlord I had access to more capital than most tenants. Therefore I was in a position to reduce the deposit needed. But what about needing the deposit as insurance against the tenant damaging our property? I reflected on all the tenants we had housed over the years and realized that none of them had damaged our apartment in any significant way. I also realized that I was very good at presenting our apartment on the internet and that I had always had enquiries from really genuine people. I also realized that reducing the deposit would give me a definite competitive advantage over other apartments which were let by agents on behalf of landlords and who had rules they stuck to rigidly, rules like always taking the full month's rent as a deposit in advance of letting the apartment.

After this steam of insights I went home and discussed the proposition with my wife that we would reduce the required deposit for the apartment by half to €500. She agreed. Yesterday evening I wrote in capital letters at the very start of the online advertising description of our apartment - ONLY €500 DEPOSIT REQUIRED. This morning I have just clicked out of my email having arranged 2 viewings for the apartment!

So what were the characteristics of this incident that have created such a promising change in our fortunes?

  1. I asked my Higher Self for assistance when I was calm and relaxed (and when in the forest - an inspiring place!)
  2. I revisited the question I had asked my Higher Self from time to time as I walked along to keep it fresh - but did not do so in a demanding or fretful manner. I simply kept the question alive gently while waiting quietly and expectantly for an answer.
  3. When I received the answer I accepted it, took it seriously and asked for further guidance as to why this was a good answer.
  4. When I received further insights as to why this was a good answer I listened and did my best to understand them.
  5. I shared my answer with someone whose judgment I trusted on this matter - my wife and business partner.
  6. When I saw that she agreed I didn't hesitate, I acted on my insights and amended the advert to offer the lower deposit.
When we are in trouble the temptation is to close up and freeze with fear. However this is the very time we need to relax, trust and seek help from inner guidance. Once you have mastered calling on and being supported by your Higher Self in this way a number of times, your confidence increases until eventually you reach a point where you know you can handle anything!

Could developing a relationship with your Higher Self be the very thing you are being invited to learn as a result of being in this situation? If you do decide to consciously nurture your relationship with your Higher Self and through this relationship rise above your current difficulties, then ask yourself the question: Is God someone I wait for at the end of my life or is He someone I can merge with every second I am alive? There is a big difference in these two perspectives!

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Nadia Thonnard comments:
What a touching answer to such a difficult topic. To end a relationship, let alone a 20 year one, is never easy, however abusive the relationship may have been...

As human beings we don't like to lose things, so there is a natural mourning process we have to go through. Also we like what is familiar, this is why we so often stay in wrong relationships because we know what we have and not knowing what could be can be very scary indeed, even if the choice will be a better one. As a single mom of 2 having been in a 20 yr relationship, I know what you are going through.

The first thing, and in direct reference to Wallace's reply, is to be grateful for what you have. Whether it be your children, the experience it is bringing you or for things to come. On a more practical note and to answer your question: "How do I start over?" Know that you have an opportunity to start over. Look at this starting over, not as turning the page, or starting a new chapter but as having the possibility of starting a whole new book - and this time you are the one writing the story, and not someone else.

Empower yourself to design your future and instead of asking yourself "How do I?" ask yourself "What do I want?" and then see yourself being there. What will it take to go there? What do you need to make it happen?

You have within you what is needed to reach your destination. So what is the first step that you need to take?

All the best and lots of love.

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