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I want to meet the partner of my dreams but I have yet to discover who I am and find my life's purpose.


heart to heart The questioner's philosophy
I do not belong to any religious community, however I consider myself spiritual. I like the Buddhist approach to life and that of LOVE.
The questioner's hopes and aspirations
Love, Peace, Freedom, Oneness
Question
I am on the way to discovering my healing path - finding a life purpose has been chasing me since my teens or was it me chasing it? I've been looking for the kind of work that would satisfy me - I failed a lot. I realized that I am different and that I am very sensitive and care about the matters of the heart, feelings, emotions, healing and so on. I am not sure where this is taking me, I am very passionate about dancing and slowly I am finding myself there. However I am not sure where this could end so that I can do something meaningful - meaning I will enjoy it and people find it valuable. And I will have financial sufficiency.

Is it a lesson in patience? I am working on releasing my burden, mostly emotional. I suffer from touch deprivation and I am not successful in finding a partner. I can see I was dependent on them in the past, emotionally and financially, and it is hard for me to find my way and become independent, because I do not want to be alone. I have a struggle, whether to go and concentrate on building some sort of career for myself (which is still a ?) or - and this is also my heart's desire - supporting a partner in building his success and standing behind him.

Why do I always end up in a situation that I want to help my partners and be there for them, love them and support them? I am happy doing it - they just want it their way. Is it a wrong choice of man? I do not want that much, I want to share love and moments together, being inspired and maybe find some common interest in working together...

I know everybody is a mirror to us. So picking a "not-ready-guy" should indicate something. I read somewhere that we cannot help others unless they want it too. I believe in the power of love, so does that mean that my needs need go to one side and I let others be as they want to be? My understanding and compassionate heart feels where the partner's "stuckness" is coming from and I do not try to change anything - I know it needs time and self-discovery, ok, but why can't we relate? I wish to understand it.

Wallace's reply
Wallace
You are not able to relate because you are not coming from an authentic place in yourself and you are not being authentic in your relationships because you have yet to discover who you are.

I accept and understand that you want to find a partner with whom you can share your life. However if you are uncertain as to your own identity, your own self, how can you then choose wisely? Yes you do need to be patient and build a strong foundation for your life before jumping into life-long commitments.

My feeling is that you are drawn to co-dependent relationships. Co-dependency in a romantic relationship is where one partner lives through satisfying the needs of the other rather than have an authentic independent life that they share with that of their partner in a relationship of equals. Co-dependent relationships are nearly always unhappy relationships and can become progressively more dysfunctional over time as the unhealthy dependency works against the natural impulse in both partners to find their own authenticity and power.

As adults, co-dependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in relationships with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. And the co-dependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing their own needs or desires; setting themselves up for continued lack of fulfillment.

You need to first of all outgrow this need to be dependent on another. My advice to you would be to acknowledge that you want and need a life partner but that now is not the right time and focus instead on finding work - ideally work that is your life purpose - which you can enjoy. Through such work you will get to know yourself - your values, talents, strengths, weaknesses, etc.

recommended By finding your place in the world through work that you find personally rewarding, you will also gain confidence and strengthen your independent identity. Then, at that stage, if you want to choose a romantic partner, it will be from a position of self-knowledge, financial independence and self assurance. When you bring these qualities to romantic relationships you are bound to make wiser choices.

To assist you with this I recommend you do the course that is our top recommendation for finding your life's purpose. This course, called Life On Purpose, is a proven, systematic, spiritually based and practical process that helps you clarify your life purpose. Furthermore, this home study course provides the tools for you to design your life to be a true and authentic reflection of that purpose. So then you can get on with the joy of living according to your life purpose, find out who you really are and then, and only then, seek a romantic partner.

At that point you will have the ideal life, the partner of your dreams, truly fulfilling work, financial independence and an authentic life!

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