I'm a famous celebrity but my abject loneliness is oppressive - what can I do?
The questioner's philosophy
I am late middle age and even though I have a wonderful "friendship" relation with my wife, we are both so busy in our distinct professions, that we are unable to spend a lot of time with one another.
I do actually have a few good friends, however we live so far away from one another that phone calls are all we can manage. I'd love to have a "friend" to play tennis with, go fishing, play golf with, or even go for a walk with! All this has been impossible for the past 18yrs - and there are no prospects for any improvements on the horizon.
I'm at the top of my profession ...but it's awfully lonely at the top (and no, I wasn't mean, nor did I "step on people," as I went up the proverbial "ladder-of-success"). I can't simply "run away from home," I have too many responsibilities, my children, my wife all trust and depend on me (and get this, I don't actually hate my work). What to do?
Career success is the one aspect of your life which you have valued highly - above all other aspects, which have remained of a lesser value and become dormant or underdeveloped as a consequence. I suspect you may have been taken in by the modern tendency to focus single-mindedly on climbing the career ladder and your life balance, and the roundedness that is so necessary for happiness, has suffered as a result. This has led you to feel lonely, accompanied by a degree of unhappiness.
I ask you now to become aware of the values you hold and how they are shaping your life. Be conscious of how you are creating your destiny. If the life you have designed, which has resulted from the values you hold, does not sit right with you, then you need to ask yourself - "which are the values that are important to me?" and bring them into awareness. I suggest you find a quiet place where you can relax and, when you are ready, write down a list of all that you value in your life. Then order the list 1,2,3,4, etc. to reflect the importance of each value and where it is positioned in your life. This exercise will help you bring these values into consciousness.
Then having brought these new values into your awareness you need to redesign your life by taking these values (like a good and healthy marriage, time spent with your children, quality time with friends, etc.) to heart. By opening up your heart to these values and holding them there, these values will, by themselves, reach out and draw to you a different kind of life, one with more balance, where your own needs will be met more completely. The result, as you let these values reconstruct your life, will be a marked increase in personal happiness and fulfillment.
It may be that you will need to restructure your travel and work schedule so that you can give these other values more time and a higher priority and you may feel your career will suffer - to that I would simply say that there is no greater gift a person can bring to their work than a high degree of personal happiness. A balanced life, filled with many interests and values, is the key to such fulfillment. This new found happiness will penetrate all you do and everyone you touch, with undreamt of positive results.
You may also have confused your role as an expert in your chosen career with who you are as a human being. By seeing yourself as an expert you are unconsciously placing yourself on a platform "so to speak" and this elevated aura you project is keeping other people at a distance and making them reluctant to have relationships with you at the purely human or friendship level. Your expert and celebrity status is a role, that's all. When you step down off the platform at the end of the "performance" you can choose to be a non expert again and relate to people as a friend who is willing to show his vulnerable side (your doubts, concerns, not knowing, anxieties, etc).
It would be a great help for you to do the Life On Purpose course - a proven, systematic, spiritually based and practical process that helps you clarify and fulfill your life purpose. This home study course is particularly good for aligning your purpose with your values, to help define your identity, from which purpose and goals naturally evolve. It's our top recommendation for helping to both find and fulfill your life purpose.
By becoming aware of what you hold dear and designing your life to reflect these values and by learning to switch on and off the "expert persona" so that you can return to being ordinary, you will begin to live a life that is a true reflection of who you are.
You have found fame and celebrity - you now need to find yourself!
"Sam" Brotherton, August 2008
I believe this person is very out of touch with self. I think it's a common problem in our society today, and many of us lose our purpose for being here. My opinion is that LOVE is the answer to finding ourselves, and until we can truly love and accept who we are, rather than looking outside ourselves for approval, we are not truly living. I think this is a prime example to show that it really doesn't matter who you are, what you do, or how much fame and fortune you have... if you don't have self-love, nothing else in your life seems to work. I also believe that our primary purpose in being here is to create a viable, loving, spiritual body, and to learn the importance of love, especially self-love.
There are 3 "LOVES" that need to be balanced in our lives for us to become spiritually balanced people, and love of self is one of those "loves." I believe many people remain in denial about where their loves are, and hold onto skewed realities about what is important in life.
This gentleman is in obvious pain over a lack of good friendships, and the inability to even have a solid relationship with his wife, because they are both too busy. This is created from stored realities we use to create our lives around us, and an imbalance of priorities, only because we lose our idea of what is truly important in life. No one sets out to create loneliness in their lives, but it somehow evolves without a conscious knowingness about it. I would suspect that this is merely a replay of childhood realities that are still being plaid out. He may be holding the reality that no one wants to be friends with him, and therefore sets up the energy around that and due to the energy he is transmitting from his present belief system, totally on an unconscious level, he is telling the world that he doesn't need friends, and the Universe is obliging him. Perhaps there was a painful childhood experience years ago, th! at left him with the belief that "friends cause pain".....we just don't know what is hiding from us in our unconscious minds, until we start to exam our thoughts and beliefs.
I would suggest that he start asking himself some very important questions about what is truly important to him, and then sit quietly and wait for an answer. We have all of the answers within ourselves if we can just silence the mind enough to listen. If he can ask himself what he is fearful of, and then wait for an answer, I believe he will begin to see some signals and thoughts he has been holding that are no longer serving him. Fear keeps us from being who we truly are, and once we can face our hidden fears, we can begin to evolve into the person we were meant to be. Why is work and fame so important to him? What would happen if he didn't have the fame he now has? Is he fearful that he would no longer believe he "existed"? I think once those important answers are able to come to the surface, there can be a great awakening from the information.
I am someone who is always open to developing new friendships and truly enjoy meeting people. I would be happy to create a safe distant friendship with this person.
Savanah, August 2008
To respond to the man who has fame but feels alone: I have had times in my life when I actually spent a great deal of time alone. It's really the only place we can find ourselves. It feels like you're life is trying to get your attention by removing as many distractions as possible. You've filled your time and space up with work, but everyone else is miles away. Take advantage of any time alone to be quiet and ask what part of you is asking for your attention and why. As you uncover the layers of buried self, you will change and your true self will emerge.
Ruth, August 2008
I feel so 'right on' with this person's situation. I find no way to branch out at this time because my position keeps me in the same situation as the celebrity. Obviously, I seek as much knowledge as possible. Even knowledge about organizing my time, or looking for alternate ways to accomplish tasks, is always sought after. I know that time and situations evolve, and that it won't always be this way for me. However, it can be frustrating at times.
Abdulkareem, August 2008
The young woman is advised to believe herself that life is not as it used to be till the past minute. As we grow older physically by every span of the seconds, our thoughts change, our views change and like wise our life also changes. The multi-effects of our environment, our basic belief of particular isms, stick us to certain privilege of not accepting changes. We cannot say for sure that the break up is for her own good's sake, but someday it is herself with her strong, disciplined, active, determined efforts for a sweet challenge that she should show the world that she was right get the boy friend away from her life. As she is promised to have a brighter side of life than heself being cast to discouraging thoughts. Nothing is gained by losing her heart. Be bold to keep the break up a lesson and to reminisce it with every activity she undertakes and challenge with everything that she is the captain of her soul.