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I have low self esteem and find it hard to know when I really love someone – how can I tell?

heart to heart
I come from a very dysfunctional family, my mom was and is a crack addict and my dad is a recovering addict. I grew up in an environment where it was EXTREMELY secretive. What went on in our house stayed in our house. My mom was psychically and emotionally abusive. Growing up I was an obese child, who turned into a 300 pound adult. I met and married the first man that showed me any interest at the age of 27. Right from the start I knew in my heart that I didn't love him but I was too afraid to speak up and married him anyway.

Seven years later, here I am still married with a 2-year-old son and severely depressed because I want to leave him. I recently found a book titled co-dependent no more and was amazed to see so many similarities. I guess my question is: How do you know when you really love someone?

I've had low self-esteem as long as I can remember, but now I'm starting to feel better about myself and about my life and I have started to set some goals and have actually accomplished some of them. However, I still wake up at night with this over whelming feeling of wanting to leave my husband. I'm not attracted to him AT ALL and never have been and I can no longer fake it. I think because I've been co-dependant for so long I'm not sure if I trust my feelings.

Wallace's reply
Wallace I think you have asked the wrong question. I think the right question for you to ask is: How do I know when I love myself? For you to be able to feel love for another you must first feel love for yourself – your higher Self that is – and your connection to your Heart - the God within. Your first task is not to try and change your husband, but rather to accept him and look within yourself to fall in love with the God within.

You are not sure of your intuitive feelings because you are distant and unrelated to your higher Self. You can be confident of your inner guidance once that relationship is secure. I cannot comment on your suitability or otherwise of your marriage, however if you want to connect more securely with your own Heart and learn to trust the guidance that comes from there, then I recommend my book Unfold Your Wings and Watch Life Take Off. Reading it will help you become clear about your inner guidance and what it is saying to you about your current situation. Then, as you are reading it, if you need further life coaching by email, it is available free of charge from my own website.

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