After a recent break-up my confidence is low - how can I tell if I am now in true love with my new boyfriend?
The questioner's philosophy
Now a year later I'm over him and starting a new relationship. The guy I'm with now I really care about. I have so much fun when I'm with him and we have so much in common. We're both huge dorks. We have fun curling up reading books together or playing chess and once we even designed our dream library. It's the kind of stuff I can do with him that I've never been able to do with anyone else. When he holds me in his arms, without thinking I turn to him to tell him that I love him and catch myself at the last minute. I really don't want to make the same mistakes I've made in the past!
But I just don't know how to tell if it's real. I used to be an emotional roller coaster in all my past relationships. I used to feel so unsteady. When I'm with my boyfriend, for the first time in my life I feel solid and steady. I'm so scared of repeating past mistakes that I'm afraid that's what is holding me back. But then again I'm afraid I'm trying to make it true love so that I can prove to myself that I'm not a coward and I'm not afraid to take a chance on love again. I hope you can help me.
You have been shocked and hurt by the breakup of your last relationship and are naturally wary of being hurt again. I would encourage you to share these feelings with your partner. If he is a sensitive man he will understand your reticence and, through sharing these feelings and having them accepted by him, you will feel more trusting and confident in your partner. At that point you may find yourself telling him that you love him with confidence.
Learn to take the progress of your relationship one step at a time. It only creates undue stress and unrealistic levels of expectation to think at this early stage: "Is this it? Is this true love?" Learn to watch your own mind form these expectations and when you see them arise, say to yourself, "I am having an expectation" and let it go. Learn to love life's uncertainty and have fewer expectations of how things will work out and you will enjoy your relationship and your life more. Be content to let your relationship progress to expressions of mutual endearment and then be open to whatever happens next.