I suffer from anorexia and bulimia. I feel hopeless, am distancing myself from people and sometimes feel like I can't go on - help me
The questioner's philosophy
Once upon a time there was a man who loved design and who was about to qualify as a designer. But just before he was due to qualify he was struck down with a "condition" and had to go into hospital. After he came out of hospital nobody would tell him what was wrong with him because they thought that if he heard the diagnosis it was so scary that he would suffer very badly. So nobody told him what his problem was. All he knew was that he had to take two small pills everyday and try and recover enough to get back into the workplace. So the man took the mysterious little white pills and tried to build himself up so he could get a job. He hated taking the little white pills because when he took them he was allergic to the sun and couldn't go outside for long on a wonderful sunny day. The little white pills also made him feel drowsy and low in energy.
This man got a low-key job in a designer's office, but he quickly realized he was not the man he had been. He could not cope with stress. He had problems relating to people. His drive had gone. However he did his best and eventually returned to college and completed his course. After college he settled into working life as best he could. By chance one day he discovered what his "condition" was called. He was shocked but not devastated.
Time passed and he continued to work in a low key way. He began to try all sorts of therapies and paid lots of people who said they could probably cure him. With one of these people he discussed his having to take these little white pills. "I don't think you need these little white pills", the person said. Eventually the man said to himself, "I don't think I need these little white pills anymore." After that the man stopped taking his little white pills, he began to do really well. He was having a great life, spending lots of money, riding his bicycle round and around in circles on the road and designing hang-gliders. Unfortunately not everyone thought his life was so great. His family and people close to him were deeply worried. "Why don't you take your little white pills?" they said. The man paid no attention. As far as he was concerned he was having lots and lots of fun and to cap it all he was about to make a world beating breakthrough in the design of the hang-glider.
Then things began to get a bit scary for the man. He began having nightmares when sleeping. Then he began to have nightmares when wide awake. Once he began having nightmares when wide awake, people offered help and he went into hospital and began taking his little white pills again. In hospital he discovered he could no longer concentrate or use his mind very much. He got tired really easily. Before he was about to come out of hospital he had a chat with one of the doctors about this. The doctor wasn't very hopeful about his future prospects.
The man left hospital, clutching his little white pills, and returned to stay with his parents. He knew now that he would have to take the little white pills for the rest of his life and put up with their side effects. However he could not forget the conversation he had had with the doctor. He was concerned about his future and, because his mind was so broken, chose to believe he could not work again. Once the man chose to believe he could not work again, he became very depressed. So he had to go off to hospital once again. This time they took him in an ambulance because he was feeling suicidal.
The man was kept in the hospital for three months. He was very depressed and thought about himself all day long. He had withdrawn from his friends and from the people around him and just lived in a little world inside his head full of negative thoughts. When the man came out of hospital he returned to his little house and lived on his own. He could not escape the negative thoughts in his head which were getting worse. Sometimes the man thought of killing himself. It wasn't that he wanted to die - he just couldn't face going on living.
Things got so bad that the man's parents asked him to come and live with them. So he moved to his parent's house. The only thing the man did every day was lie on a couch. Then one day, when the man was at his lowest and most despairing, a "voice" came to him and said, "If you are ever going to heal, you need to stop lying here thinking about yourself all day long and get up off your butt and do something for somebody else." This "voice" had always been there for the man but he had never heard it before because he was too busy listening to his own negative thoughts.
Because the man was totally fed up with feeling so low, he listened to the voice and got up off the couch and got a part-time job volunteering in a charity shop. After a few years volunteering in the charity shop the voice "spoke" to him again and asked him, now that he was feeling a lot better, to volunteer working in the office upstairs. When he worked in the office he listened carefully to the "voice" and it helped him organize the most successful fundraising events the charity had ever known. One of these fundraising events was so successful that it was featured on television. The man was invited to the television studio to see the show go out live about his event and as the man watched the show about his fundraising event go out to millions, a smile came over his face and he felt a warm glow all over his body. He realized that the negative thoughts had left him and that he had been cured of his depression.
The man carried on with his life. He still had the "condition" and he still took the little white pills - but he was a changed person. He found that he was able to just live life and accept himself, that he was good enough, and that he had lost his fear. When ever he needed help he could always rely on the "voice" to guide him. He discovered that the more he listened to and followed the "voice", the stronger it became.
Then one day after many years of listening to and following the "voice" he had a wonderful experience, unlike anything he had ever known. After that experience he found he could help and assist other people find the "voice" and he became a teacher. His life just got better and better - until today the man lives in a beautiful home, is married to his soul mate and assists people from all over the world.
Do you know who that man is? That man is me. Do you know what the "voice" is? That's what you need to find out because the "voice" will help you too. It is your most trustworthy friend and ally. I invite you to discover it, to listen to it and to follow it and to have your life transformed by it.
Further Help and Resources
If you want to know more about the "voice" and how it can help you I strongly recommend that you read my book, Unfold Your Wings and Watch Life Take Off. You can buy it in paperback. Reading my book will put you in touch with your inner guidance which will help you to learn to live with your "condition."
To the reader:
This lady is living with a condition and is distressed as a result. At times she feels like she can't go on. Do you have a story to tell or any words of wisdom for her? She would welcome and appreciate your comments. Please support her by placing a post on the forum...