"I can't separate my new relationship from past painful ones"
Hi there, I wonder if you can help me. I had been trying to manifest a positive new relationship in my life for a long time, and I finally met someone a few months ago. Things were going well, but they moved very fast, and he already thinks I am his soulmate. However, I told him I was not sure yet, and he has been patient enough to let me find out for myself. He appears to be a good person who really cares about me, but I cannot allow myself to accept or love him. I am having difficulty discerning if we are really incompatible, or if my fears and previous hurts are stopping me.
I was in an emotionally abusive situation before, and I keep finding things wrong with him. I see minor things he says or does as signs of controlling behavior and keep trying to find similarities that remind me of my ex, but I'm not sure if this is just because I'm trying to protect myself, or if these issues really exist. As a result, it is bringing a lot of negative energy into the relationship, which makes it even more difficult for me to figure it out.
I've tried explaining this to him, and although he is not very comfortable discussing it, he tries to be understanding. Is this a situation I should remove myself from, or is it just that I need to work on myself? I can usually be more detached about relationship issues, but in this case, it is really troubling me. I would really appreciate your help, as you seem to have much compassion and wisdom.
Hi. Thanks for your letter.
Well, you are right - this does seem to be about issues you are carrying with you still from your past. The issues certainly are about victim consciousness, control, and also, hatred. The hatred seems to be directed at your ex-husband. Hard to allow a new relationship to bloom in or with love, if hatred is in the system. And hatred is, in the end, only a form of fear. The fear stems from the belief that you will be overrun or controlled by another, right? Fear is always an illusion however. How can someone else control you, a free spirit, an aspect of God? Like trying to hold water in a sieve, isn't it? Or hold a sunbeam in your hand?
You can only be a victim if you believe in being one - which means that you haven't yet understood or connected with your real SELF, your spiritual self, which is only love. Love isn't something that can be victimized. Love understands the journey we are all on, and that along the way we all make "mistakes" if you will - power tripping, among others things, as well as ALLOWING ourselves to think we deserve to be mistreated or not loved. Do you know that you have enough power in one cell of your body to run the city of Chicago on electricity for a week? Now tell me how you can think someone or something can control you, hmmmm?
Both power tripping and thinking we have to endure it for some reason, or that we have no power of our own, go hand in hand - until we learn the depths of our souls: true power, which is unconditional love. But, these issues aren't mistakes, in the true sense of the word. Only growing pains, which will cause pain and discomfort and which eventually will lead us to the right use of our energy. As long as you have issues with the use of power - which includes issues with either dominating or being dominated, (both come from fear, which is the lack of love, yes?) - you will see power trips in others as well.
So, yes, the work is with yourself. You are needing to release your energy to the past. A good way for you, particularly, to do this, is though a healing technique called holotropic breathwork. It is very powerful work. You can find out about it and practitioners near you on the Net (try here or here.) I would say a minimum of 6 sessions to do this work, and more if needed.
Also, using an Aura-Soma essence. The essence for deep peace, the deep blue # 2 oil, would be great for you. You can order that from firstname.lastname@example.org.