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Clearing the Way

"Can you give advice to my traumatized son?"

Would you investigate for my son Terrence and write to him? He is the son of a rapist who still says "I didn't". Terry's wife threw him out and he told me "I was desperately unhappy". He became depressed, but he is very gifted and clever. He is daddy to an amazing little girl. Like me he is used by many people and finds it tough to make his way financially.

Terry settled the matrimonial estate on his ex-wife for his daughter's sake. He had got a lovely home for them. Now he is in a flat (number 49). Terry and I both have considerations about 11, 2, 22, and 4. The vibrations about those numbers have me thinking there have been some changes.

Terry also gets into relationships which give me concerns. He was traumatized (and amnesiac) of the first nine years of his life. He witnessed an attack on me before he turned two years of age. He was also affected by a violent alcohol-affected foster home but stayed there because he wanted the family I couldn't give him. He had regarded his violent alcohol-affected uncle as his father figure and was later rejected by the uncle.

I am so impressed with your work and I will carry out your suggestions. My two sisters would be affected the same way by that thing in our mother's family. They have alternated between jealousy and fear of what occurred to me.

If your son would like to ask me for information himself, I will be happy to respond to him. Otherwise, it is an imposition on him if he has not asked for it, and that goes against the laws of healing. I appreciate your concern for him and your love for him, and your desire to help him on his journey. As mothers, we all want to do that for our children. However, we also must respect the timing and sacredness of a person's journey - that when they are ready, they will find and do what they need to do. You can let him know of the work you are choosing to do for yourself, and you can let him know where you got the information, as a sharing of what you are doing and into - a sharing about yourself and your own journey - but it would be inappropriate to tell him what he "should" do, or ask someone to do something for him without his permission. Have you ever heard the expression "don't should on me, and I won't should on you"? It's funny, but it really gives us an important message.

As you heal and improve, your son will see that, and that may be an inspiration for him. That is all you can do, and it is also the best and most important thing that you can ever do for another: do your own work - be that yourself. That is how we inspire others. Work on yourself, get clear, and that will be a light to others - but we must always honor and respect the space of another and not offer something unless we ask permission, and have obtained permission from that person that it is acceptable to do so. Otherwise it is a violation - and it won't have the desired effect or help the person anyway, and can even be very harmful and shocking, unless they themselves ask for it - which means that they are ready for it.

There is a timing to all things, and if we trust in that Divine Timing, it all unfolds beautifully. This is all about boundaries and having them respected (which means YOU learning that YOUR boundaries need to be strongly in place for yourself, and that you allow only that which is acceptable to you into your space, also), although on the deepest level, I know that you are coming from love.

This is a very, very important lesson for you to understand, and is at the core of your own healing.

Continuing your own healing work will be very important - I get that at a minimum, 13 sessions with the Integrating Inner Natures (adhumanitas.com/pages/CFDoldstudents.html) work would be good. And more as needed.

Blessings, Ayal

94. "I'm compulsively analytical - how can I rebalance?"


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