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Clearing the Way

"Why am I holding on to a finished relationship?"

Hello Ayal,

Several weeks ago I wrote to you regarding manifesting a healthy relationship. Your advice was so helpful and I've been working on clearing some of the blocks you sensed. Which leads me to my question: A little over a year ago I was in a relationship with a man whom I loved very much but who did not love me. At times I felt he took advantage of the fact that I had stronger feelings for him than he had for me and was emotionally abusive to me. Since ending that relationship, I've done a lot of work trying to figure out why I was in it and releasing any beliefs that allowed that type of relationship to manifest in my life. I've also done a lot of work on forgiveness - forgiving myself as well as this man. Well, here I am over a year later and I still feel connected to this person. Sometimes I feel sad, more often I'm just irrationally angry towards him. I've really tried to glean as many lessons from this experience as possible and I honestly do believe that in many ways the relationship was a blessing. However, I also realize that I need to release these strong emotions if I want to truly heal and move forward. So here are my questions: Why am I holding on? Is there something else I need to complete with this man before I will be able to let him go? Also, any tips you can give on releasing anger would be really helpful.

Glad to hear that you found the information that came your way useful! Great work! What you are dealing with here is your inner balance of male and female. Where you're at with this in yourself will, of course, be mirrored by any external relationship you have.

Your inner feminine energy is feeling anxious and adrift, and is probably feeling some anger toward the masculine for not helping you out in that area, i.e., taking better care of you and showing you the way to feel safe and protected. So, if you feel this way on the inside, those feelings will be projected out to this man as well, as he represents all of that for you. I think that the issue for your inner masculine is that it feels burned out or exhausted. It seems to have lost its faith in love relationships and is feeling somewhat destroyed in this area. One way that you can check out what's going on for yourself with this is to do a meditation where you get very calm and quiet and still, breathing deeply (lying down is best). Use your breathing to get fully and deeply relaxed. Then ask for your inner feminine to reveal itself to you. When it has, converse with it and ask it what's going on and what it needs. Then do the same with your masculine side. Then ask what they need to be in right relationship with one another, balanced, healthy, and harmonious with one another.

As to releasing your anger, allow yourself to really feel it without judgment. This anger probably goes way back to other times in your life when you didn't feel supported or protected and didn't know yet how to support or protect yourself. Just let it pour out of you - like a good sweat - find a safe place by yourself to feel it, go through it, and let it rip, without hurting anyone else.

When you have done this, you can also willingly release this man from your life, thanking him for showing you where you were at, for being a mirror, for you. And then you can move on to create a healthier relationship.

Blessings, Ayal

76. "I really have to go but hate parting from the one I love"


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