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"I really have to go but hate parting from the one I love"

Dear Ayal,

Thanks for all you help in the past. I was supposed to go to China recently for 3 weeks to study and research. I stayed 2 nights with my wife before parting with her to undertake my journey. We are married 21 years, and I have never been away from her on my own before, nor she from me. We broke down and cried a lot saying our goodbyes. After she left, I cried and cried and could not bring myself round to leaving, so I slept on it. But the next day, I still felt really bad and could not get on the plane, and I missed my flight. I was really upset. I did not realize that I would have reacted like this, and I did not really think that I loved her that much. I have now planned the trip again, but how can I be sure that I will not react like this again?

I now do regret not going in the first place, but my feelings were so strong at the time. I did not think that I would have any regrets but I do, and now I shall attempt to go again. I really have to go but hate parting from the one I love. My wife says that I have to do it for myself and that the reason I do not want to go is for my own comforts and needs from her, and that I love her for my self and not because I love her and will miss her for her. What do you think of this she is saying? What do you think of all the fear being injected by the media and governments regarding the war on terrorism? How can we not let this type of hyped fear have an affect on us? No one in my family wants me to fly at this time because of the situation in Afganistan, so I am really under pressure now not to take this trip. But I am now determined to go.


Well, the first thing to remember is the Law of the Universe which states that whatever we are experiencing, it is NEVER about another person, place, or thing. So, whatever you were feeling, it was your own inner feelings and issues that caused you not to want to go. This doesn't mean that you don't have feelings for your wife and appreciate her for who she is. However, when we ask ourselves, "Well, if it isn't about another person, place, or thing, what is this all about inside of ME?", then we start to get some truthful answers.

When I tuned in for you, the answer that came was that what was up for you was a lack of ambition. Does that ring true if you really look deeply at some inner issues? The question you may want to explore and ask yourself would be " What creates this lack of ambition in myself? Is it some form of fear, and if so, what is that about? What am I afraid of?" A part of you really didn't want to go - and so you missed your plane. That's ok to decide not to go, but it's important to be truthful with ourselves and really understand why we do what we do and what's truly up for us. That way, we become more conscious beings and can work on that issue if we choose to. Otherewise, we stay in the dark about ourselves and will probably repeat the same thing again, in one way or another. Right?

There also seemed to be some fear coming up that you would be disappointed somehow if you went and it wouldn't be what you hoped for. From what I recall of our other correspondences, you seemed to have some difficulty bringing issues back to yourself. There was a tendency to want to make what was going on for you about somebody or something else. Again, this is your big challenge - to realize that it's all about what's going on inside of you, and it's not about anybody or anything else. You are the one creating everything that you experience in your life. It's YOUR dream, remember? So, even if you went to China, your experience there would be what YOU create it to be. And that may be your fear - that you don't trust yet that you can create it the way you want. Is that right? That's called taking personal responsibility for your reality. When you really get this on a deep gut level, and you KNOW it and start really living that way, you will find yourself much more able to be whole in yourself and not dependent on anyone else or on what anyone else thinks. You will stand more on your own two feet, so to speak, in your own strength, and create life as you truly and CONSCIOUSLY choose it to be.

So, it doesn't matter if others have fear about flying, and it can not affect you, unless you don't stand in what you believe to be true for you. If you know that you will be all right if you fly, then what does it matter what others think? That's their fear. But, the real question is, what is it in you that allows what others believe to collapse your own truth? What in you allows your own beliefs to give way to what others think? You can only be under pressure if you allow yourself to feel that way, right? Unless you AGREE within yourself to accept their beliefs. What stops you from saying to them, "Well, thank you for sharing what you feel, but I am choosing to trust that I create my own safety, and I choose not to believe in fear, or let fear rule me"? If you have others around you in fear, (remember, you are creating them being there in your life for some reason) - then you must also check in with yourself and ask: "Are these people a mirror for my own fears? Do I still have fear about this in myself?"

This is still all about learning that you create your own reality. I suggest that you read and re-read The Laws of the Universe until you deeply understand what it is saying.

Both of these situations you speak of: first what your wife said to you, and also the issue of the fear others are projecting and feeling about the world situation now, are all about this understanding that you create your own reality. Your wife had basically the right idea. It IS all about your own feelings and issues within yourself. However, as I said, that doesn't mean that you don't also value her for who she is. That last part sounded like her own stuff to deal with. But, as long as you think others are making you feel a certain way, you have missed what it's all about and what's really going on. And the only way to grow is to look within. Keep asking yourself, no matter what is going on, "What am I feeling and creating here? How is this a mirror for what's really going on inside for me?" If you can do that, you're on the right track.

Many blessings, Ayal

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