"Using energy for defense... or healing?"
I would like to use energy for defense instead of for just healing. I can't really heal properly yet but I am getting used to controlling my energy. Is it possible to use energy to defend? How difficult is it? Do you have any advice for me?
Why do you think that you can't really heal properly? That is the main question here. You can, of course, but it sounds as if to do so you will need to think about things, and about yourself, in a different way. If you think that you can't use healing to really heal, but instead need to use it for defense, well, then that tells me a lot. You are still feeling very unsafe and don't trust in what this life is really all about. As long as you don't trust, and that includes understanding and trusting where healing comes from and what it really is, which is LOVE, then you will feel scared and unsafe. And you will think that controlling energy is what it's all about. And since you feel scared, you will feel attacked and want to defend yourself.
To some extent it is about controlling our energy - that is an important step - but it goes even beyond that - and that place is learning to love and trust and respond to everything from what is called "the heart of compassion". Which means that when you know that who YOU really are is a being of Love, then you can give that love to everyone and everything else, and you will always feel safe. And you will be loved in return. When you say you can't use healing to heal properly, that tells me that you don't know that you are a Being of Love. Because if you did, you would heal. Love heals all things.
You can always place the white light of Christ Consciousness (which is Love, by the way) around you as a way to only let that which is loving and for your highest good enter your space. Perhaps that is something that can be useful to you to feel safe.
If, however, you're not ready yet, to open yourself to trust and love and need a different path - if you want to learn about defending yourself with energy, I suggest that you find a place to study martial arts.