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"How can I create a healthy romantic relationship?"

Hello Ayal,

I am so grateful for your assistance in the past. I've started implementing your advice and I'm seeing a difference. I have two more questions that I'm hoping you can help me with. First, for several years I have desired being in a healthy intimate romantic relationship and starting a family, yet I've seen little movement in this area. I've had plenty of unhealthy relationships but I want to be sure I don't recreate these types of experiences for myself. Other intuitives have told me that one barrier is that I "lose myself" in relationship and give too much too soon, and that advice seems right to me. Another reader who was exceptionally perceptive on other issues told me my soul really didn't want to be in relationship so that's why I was having difficulty. This was extremely upsetting because I have been focused on manifesting a relationship for so long and this made me feel like it would never happen. What do you think? Can you give me clearer direction on how to resolve these issues? I'm trying affirmations but any other techniques you could suggest would be most helpful. Also, do you sense any other barriers to my creating a healthy romantic relationship and starting a family?

Second, I am from the West Coast, but I currently live on the East Coast. Lately I have been longing to move back home. I'm hesitant to do this because: 1) I'm not sure if I'm just nostalgic or if I'm truly picking up intuitive advice about where I should live. 2) I'm uncertain about my career prospects since there are many more jobs I'm qualified for on the East Coast than on the West Coast. Plus it's ridiculously expensive to live in my home town so I'm concerned about the quality of my life if I move back home. 3) I'm not sure if moving back home will improve my prospects of meeting a mate. Any insights on this would really help me to move forward.


Glad that you are seeing differences in your life that feel good to you. Good work! Well, there are some pretty strong issues showing up here for you that seem to be in the way right now. As you continue to work through these issues, I'm sure that the relationship you desire will be created at the right time. So, much of this is timing for you. Your being is waiting for you to clear these issues up so that you don't re-create more unhealthy relationships. There is still a need to gain more clarity and become more conscious of what you are working through. All I can do here is inform you of what issues showed up as I asked for you. It's up to you to check this information out to see if it feels right to you.

From what you have expressed in your letter, this gets a little tricky, given what showed up here, as you seem to take what others say in the way of advice or psychic info, etc., immediately as YOUR truth, and let it affect you deeply. So, I have some concern that you will do the same with this information. That can be a form of giving your power away and letting others tell you what your truth is. Like a leaf blowing in the wind. What I would like to invite you to do, instead of getting thrown by what others may offer you, is, if you can, to examine it in a detached manner, with an open mind and heart, sort of like how a scientist would impartially weigh information on a research project: turn it over, explore it, examine it, and tune in with your own sense and intuition to see if it jives with our own sense of what is true for you.

All right. The issue of physical abuse was the first thing that I was shown. Whether or not this is the case is something for you to explore, if you choose to, to see if it is true, to see if that feels true to you. There are many psychological symptoms of physical abuse. If this is the case for you, you may want to read about it to see what some of the patterns and effects are, to see if these effects are in your life. If this rings true for you, or memories surface at some point, you may choose to do some serious and extensive therapy with it.

OK. I was shown that your first chakra has been affected - the chakra which deals with physical energy and the will to live, the root chakra of our being, that which connects us to our family and the Earth and our own groundedness and stability. My information said you tend to have a lot of nervous energy and seem to be "on edge." There is an aura-soma product, the yellow pomander, which helps with this. It brings back clarity and courage and laughter and sparkle to life, and is an antidote to nervousness and negative thoughts. This can be looked up and ordered under aura-soma via the Internet.

Other issues that showed up were "affection that shouldn't be," which often shows up when there is misplaced energy, as in abuse situations. The issue of desertion showed up as well. If you felt abandoned by your family, in some way, whether it pertains to abuse or something else, then a form of emotional dependency can get created as a result - you may find yourself always needing and looking for that appropriate love that wasn't there - and this could make you susceptible to wanting to just jump into a relationship, or any situation where someone seems to want you or offer you even a little attention or kindness.

The issue of loneliness and feeling cut off also showed up. Given the pattern that these issues suggest, it is no wonder that you would have had difficulty creating a healthy relationship. And, if there was abuse toward you, a part of you would NOT want relationship, as the other information you received suggested, as it is a threatening thing to you. The other part of you that wants desperately to be safe and loved WOULD want it.

So. I'm not saying this is absolute truth. What you discover is true is up to you. As far as moving back to the west coast - well, wherever one goes, we take our issues with us. Again, I can't tell you what is right for you - your challenge is to find that place inside yourself that knows what is right for you. As you work through these issues, your own sense of who you are and your own power and ability to know what is right for you - to stand up for what is right for you - will develop. Keep up the inner work - that's the key to manifesting what you desire in a healthy way.

Many blessings on your journey, Ayal


Hello again,

Thanks for answering my questions so quickly. (Sigh.) At the risk of falling into the trap you discuss of allowing others to define my truth, much of what you sense (specifically past relationship history with physical abuse) is true. My initial reaction was to feel a little despondent. I thought I had addressed these issues. It just seems like there is so much more to work through and I'm going to be 40 this year and very much desire a child. However on reflection I choose to treat it as an invitation to reach deeper into my being and claim my own power and divinity.

Thanks for all your help again.


Hi - well, I hear some of the disappointment you are feeling, and I truly understand it. I also hear your strength and power with this - which is coming across clear and great. That shows me that you are on the right track. There is always more inner clearing to do for us ALL, as we continue to constantly evolve into a higher consciousness. That doesn't mean, though, that we can't experience life in the process... in fact, the process and all of its experiences IS life - so this doesn't mean that all you do is inner work and never connect with others - in fact, everyone you meet will be a reflection of yourself and where you're at in some way. However, the clearer you are, the clearer the people you meet will be, as they will continue to reflect you. And visa versa. So, to have a healthy relationship without abuse present in it, as you do this work, you are working towards that, and loving yourself, and actually creating the beauty of a healthier relationship as you get to the root of this - where you bought into or decided that physical abuse had to be part of your reality. And you will actually even enjoy life MORE as you do this work, for you will be "in love" - loving yourself - and that can only feel great!!

If you can find where that belief got conceived, when and where and how it began and got created, and fully release it from your belief system, then it will no longer be a part of your life. I am getting that you had it even before you came into this life, and that it is a genetic pattern carried in your family (the root chakra). Now it's time to be done with it. You may want to work with releasing core beliefs, in the section that deals with that in The Laws of the Universe at the beginning of the column. It doesn't HAVE to take a long time if you make a heartfelt intention to do that, and you are really open to getting to the heart of it and are willing and committed to release it. Turn it over to the Divine Presence once you make your intention, and trust that it is being released from your being, all the way down to the cellular level.

Here's an example:

I fully allow, in the name of my Mighty I Am Presence, and I am now willing and able for this belief in physical abuse, or abuse of any kind, to be released - easily, gently, lovingly, and gracefully from my entire being, in this life or any other, through all the auric levels, down to the cellular level, through all the dimensions and generations, through all time and space. I sponsor myself to have the refill of the Creator's consciousness and energies. So be it.
It would be good to do this twice a day for at least three weeks.

Many blessings - Ayal

next 71. "Please help me more - my situation is not improving"

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