"What is a spiritual being doing here on Earth?"
Dear Ayal ...
I know that I am not from this plane. Many well known persons have assured me that this is so.
As such, I can find no connection with this planet. I've no attachment to places, persons or things. I merely go through each day, one being very nearly the same as the other.
What does one do to fill in the days when all that is asked by Spirit is to "BE"?
I have lovingly gifted myself 4 years of Being in a most beautiful green and wondrous space. A place that most others would swoon to live amid the harmony and splendor.
Though I am much more calm, compassionate, and open minded than in the beginning, I find my time upon this plain feels endless. This concept seems silly to even me, especially since things are so ideal.
I can recognize the signs of my ego, wanting to "do" rather than "be".
At times, I ponder on what is it that others find so enticing about this earth? I often wonder why they strive to remain on Earth even when a time of Home awaits them?
I see the logic of perfection all around me, and yet I cannot find perfect peace in the Being here with no apparent service.
Can you suggest a new arena that I might explore that could provide new insights, or clues to my next steps ?
Thank you for your letter. I can truly relate to what you are experiencing, as I am just now coming out of a similar period in my life. As I asked for you, here is what I received.
You are working through the issue of self hatred. That is what stops us from feeling connected, wherever we are. It really doesn't matter, in the long run, where we are, where we find ourselves, since it's all God anyway - whether it's this planet or any other plane of existence. Since God is Love, if we are not connecting (or feeling) to where we are in our lives, you can bet that what is up is learning to Love. Why else would we choose not to feel inspired and alive, and full of the richness of new experiences, unless we weren't loving ourselves? Why else would we not be giving ourselves marvelous experiences, unless we didn't know what it felt like to be good to ourselves? You are here to learn about this - Earth is the planet that deals with heart energy - that is why it is the color green in the solar system.
As I have come to see it, life is one wonderful moment of connecting after another, if we are truly in Love, if we know what that is, inside of ourselves - and that's what it's all about, going from one moment of connecting to the next - each moment an opportunity to connect in that burst of love, to open the heart and just FEEL it!
You are feeling disconnected. So, this is an opportunity for you to learn about this energy of connecting from the heart. The first step is to give yourself gentleness and love with whatever you are experiencing. Love yourself for being where you are at right now - speak gentle words to yourself, and appreciate the place in the process you are in right NOW. Tell yourself how great it is that you came in to learn this wonderful thing. That is the beginning place of love. To connect with yourself, with love. Be gentle with yourself. Appreciate yourself. That starts the ball rolling. What if each day, you told yourself 5 things that you love about yourself? You might be surprised what begins to happen.
It is interesting to me that for a while now you have chosen to live in the green of nature. You are exposing yourself to the plant world, and that is the world that teaches us about feelings. You are working to develop your plant body, or feeling nature. Just by putting yourself there, even though you may not actually feel anything yet, you have put yourself in the right place to be exposed to it, be taught by it, and learn from it. I'd say you have about 1-2 more years of apprenticing to the plant world to really learn how to feel. Then, whatever you do, you will do it from that heart connection.
Sometimes our journey has these phases in it, of varying lengths, some long, some not as long, depending on what we need, where we are just apprenticing to something, where we just need to be sitting with it, in the presence of something, to absorb its teaching. Right now you are apprenticing to the plant world. Your soul knows what it's doing - how perfect it is!! It is completing something on the inner level that is very important. What would happen, I wonder, if you consciously apprenticed to the plant world.... if you went out, and let yourself be guided to a specific place, or plant, and asked to be taught? What if you went there every day, and were just open and willing to learn? Even if for a while it was just sitting there by a plant, for a period of time, before you found yourself able to hear it? Might prove very interesting.
Best wishes, Ayal
Dear Ayal ... Thank you for your consideration on my behalf. It was kind of you to reply so swiftly.
I understand well the plant Devas and their Elementals. I own and operate a medicinal herb sanctuary, so I work year round with the energies you suggested I meet in your letter.
Your perception of my self denial is quite evident, to even me. That is why I wrote to you. Thinking another might see what I fail to see, even if it stands before me.
It is with gratitude for your kind assistance, that I once more ask ... how does one find peace when the realizations of this last 4 years of being amid Devas and Elementals, amid the Beings of the Earth Logo Sanat Kamara .... and still there is no joy at being a part of this process?
How are we to "BE" when one knows that Love is not what we have believed it to be? Nor is God as perceived through the innocence of our youth?
Even in our knowing that the body is merely a vehicle for the soul, and that this illusion has nothing to do with who we really are, how do we find contentment amid the distortion of truths?
I agree with you that no matter where we go ... there we are. And we must make the best of it. And for the most part, I do not spend my days moping about. Yet my days are filled with constant examination of my existence.
Inwardly, I feel the great distance because of the consciousness. Outwardly I watch to see if the tide shifts for humanity. I witness the strife within the confines of homes and offices and ponder on how we can move to new levels when there is no real Love or peace within these wee bounds? How can earth and it's inhabitants hold that this grand evolution will transpire when hatred and greed abound?
Do we each believe that we will magically remember our true selves and perfection will reign?
Can you wonder that I/we feel disconnected when there is such disharmony in every nook and corner? Logically we may 'know', or even 'sense' the presence of energies attending to each of us. Yet while in the density of the human consciousness, how might we love ourselves when Love is a concept not yet understood by humankind?
Love is all that there is. Yet humankind does not understand Love. We seek love to feel whole. So we play silly games to receive the attention we perceive is love. Yet you and I know that this is not Love.
So once more I ask, when the inner guidance becomes still, and the outer world is empty ... where does one find access to the truth that resides within each and yet remains illusive? How to see the path to release of self hatred, when the paths are worn and rutted from the traveling?
I know the hatred well. I know from whence it stems and the whys.
And even though I have been assured that my being here would be measured and in time the reasoning of it revealed, my 52 years seems long. And the thoughts of longer makes me want to weep.
You say you are just emerging from a similar inward journey ... tell me ... how do you fill your hours when all around you is the illusion? How have you learned to 'love' yourself when there is so much left undone?
Yes ... each person must seek to purify themselves ... but as one of us raises the level of light, so are the other 6 billion elevated. How can one not sense the responsibility of such a task? How is it that humankind takes this responsibility so lightly, and I feel it so intensely?
Do you never want to complete your journey and return from whence you came? Be this return to the void or some pretty picture one paints in their mind, what is it that spurs you to rise each morning and fall into bed content each night?
I've not felt such sensations the whole of this existence and can find no one ... no one, that might point to an open door so that I might explore otherwise.
I "know" the answers of truth must be found within. It is my hope that someone might say a phrase, or tip a scale, so that finally ... finally I will begin to understand and may free myself of this dismay at being in body.
Once more I thank you for your compassionate first response. If you find it in your means to reply again, I shall be deeply grateful.
You can only see a lack of love in the universe if you yourself have decided that there is one. If you decided there is no love, well then, you will create a universe without it. Not much fun that way though. But really, it's all up to you. We don't want to get that. We may know it intellectually, but we will fight it tooth and nail to avoid believing it. It's all up to you. No one else is responsible for your world but you. You create it. There is a core belief that you are creating your world out of. There are people who look at life, the same life you look out at, and see peace and beauty, art, kindness, love. What stops you from seeing it that way? You said love is not what you thought it was. Well, somewhere you lost your connection to love. Your belief in it. That doesn't mean it isn't there. It's always there. It just means you've chosen not to believe in it. It just means that you misplaced it. Who told you that it's your job to heal the world, and that if you don't, it's all meaningless? Who told you that you can't be happy unless everyone else is?
The question you need to sit in the presence of is: "Why do I not allow myself to be happy?" This will have many layers to it, I am sure. But it is your central question. Also, ask yourself "What would happen if I were happy?" Do you keep yourself in despair out of a fear that if you are happy, it will somehow be taken away from you? That way, you may think that you never have to fear or feel the loss of it again. But... given that YOU create your own reality, what would have you create a reality without love in it, or joy? The only person that can take love away from you is YOU!
I had a deep and unknown and unseen core belief that life was a hostile entity out to get me. I lived from that place without knowing it my whole life. I saw everything as threatening - no matter who came into my space, I reacted defensively as if against an unseen attack. Can you imagine the kind of relationships I had? Was there any room for me to feel or receive love with a belief like that? Can you imagine the level of stress I lived with? But I didn't even see that because of this hidden belief.
I was creating my own monsters - life for me always felt unhappy, unsafe, unfulfilled. I never knew why. I could blame it on the world and say, "Oh, but the world IS a hostile place!" But, that is a misunderstanding of Truth. I SAW it as hostile. I created the world from that belief. Other people didn't see it that way, or live from that level of reactive fear. It was MY creation... from MY perception. I created hostility by believing it to be real. So, when you are willing to allow yourself to see the core belief that YOU ARE CREATING YOUR WORLD FROM, THEN YOU WILL HAVE THE OPTION TO CREATE IT DIFFERENTLY, IF YOU CHOOSE TO.
Read the Whirling Rainbow message in the Sacred Path Cards, a book by Jaimie Sams. There's a message there for you. With Love and Blessings. Ayal