"Being alone is safe ... but it's lonely"
I guess my question revolves around the perpetual state of single that I find myself in. I'm wondering whether there is something I have not yet gotten in the form of 'lessons' on the subject of singleness, or whether I'm supposed to put myself out there more or surrender even more. I'm already intermittently doing some of all of the above. This fall has been very difficult and lonely.
As I tuned into you and your question, this is the information that came through. What you seem to be dealing with that keeps you from having a relationship is the fear of another person overly imposing their energy, will, or authority over you. You have a very empathetic nature that absorbs energy very easily. This issue of fearing the will of another being imposed on you, which can feel like your essence is being destroyed, looks like it began in childhood. The strategy you developed to keep this from happening again to you was probably an unconscious decision on your part that it just isn't safe to be with others in an intimate relationship. That means that it's safer to be Alone. As long as this undercurrent is operating, you will keep yourself safe by not allowing another to enter your life - even if you put yourself out there every day of the week. All of this seems to have led to strong feelings of discouragement for you. The key here is to undo the trauma and the decisions you made from experiencing it. There are some flower essence remedies that can help with these issues. They are California Pitcher Plant, to strengthen your life force and courage; Dogwood, to offer gentleness, ease, relax hardened attitudes, and to help release trauma and abuse; Golden Ear Drops, for releasing painful and traumatic feelings from childhood; Indian Paintbrush, to strengthen your will and creative forces; and Rock Water, for a flowing attitude toward life and over strictness with the self. You can get these essences from The Flower Essence Society. Their phone number is (530) 265-9163.
Blessings to you. Ayal