"I am unclear as to my next step in life. I have options but I would like to be certain as to what my path should be"
I've been having some bad luck lately which I cannot afford, especially in my line of work. One mistake can result in serious consequences. I need to feel confident again, but don't know how. I feel like I get really close to my destination, so to speak, but never quite there.
I am unclear as to my next step in life. I have options but I would like to be certain as to what my path should be.
For some time now, I have been going back to my childhood and although I have never been sexually or physically abused, somehow I feel a deep sense of shame. I have always had to be responsible and I still carry a big burden. Even my siblings, I feel responsible for (they are all adults).
My mother died several years ago and I found out my father is really not my father. I had a sense since I was 16, as something just seemed a little off.
I can't say that I have learnt much from my family and I am sad about this. I feel blocked and stymied.
OK - thanks for writing in. Let's get started.
What is showing up for you, regarding the shame, is "The fear of being oneself." If your father was not your father, and that was never shared with you, then that means that both of your parents hid something from you. If your father could not fully claim who he really was, and presented himself as something other then he was, then he was also not being himself - the fear of being oneself, and the same for your mother. They were not presenting themselves as who they truly were - or, at the very least, they were not being or claiming all of who they were. If they were hiding something, then it means that they had a sense of shame going on, which you, as a child, certainly felt, on some level, and picked up.
What we do when we feel these sorts of things in our environment as children, is that, since we don't understand it, we take it into ourselves, into our bodies and energy field, and we make it ours. We swallow it, so to speak, and then it takes root and live sin us. So, my sense is that you swallowed whatever shame was floating around in your family, and you have lived with it ever since. You grew up around people then, and were permeated by, the energy that it is not safe to be who you truly are. You learned this, from an early age on.
It is crucial, as we mature and gain more insight and wisdom, to be able to separate out from ourselves what we have taken on from others, from our environment,, and then let it go.However, another aspect of this is that we also reincarnate into a family that is also working on the same issues we have come in to work on. So, it is very likely that you came into this life to work out this idea of shame.
You came into this life, to become authentic, to learn, in effect, to be yourself - to honor and love yourself, and all the experiences that you go through in your life - to honor all of that, and to see it as part of the amazing journey you are making as a soul in this life, or in any life. When a person can claim themselves in this way, and honor all aspects of themselves, to see that all that we go through and do in a lifetime is part of our learning, to gain experience and wisdom, to grow in understanding, then we do not have to hide anything - we can joyfully go about our life and be all that we are meant to be. We can be open to new experiences, and learn from the experiences we have gone through.
When we are afraid of being ourselves, what happens is that we reject the "NOW." We reject the present moment, and who we are - and when we reject ourselves, or are not willing to be in the present moment, then we are disconnected from life. We are disconnected from our energy source - we can become listless and apathetic - we have, in effect, no energy, and no connection to life energy.
The new form of thinking I invite you to hold is this:
I love and accept myself at every age. Each moment of life is perfect.
However, to really absorb this and have it as an energy in your being, it is necessary and important to first release the old belief and old energy patterns still circulating in your body.
If you, also, from an early age on, were in the role of taking care of others, that also speaks to you not taking care or having time for yourself. The message there is that: "I am only worthwhile and I only deserve love if I take care of others. I am not worth anything in myself." (Again - not accepting your self.)
I invite you to go online and look up information about "The Rescuer." This will give you some very good insights and help you let go of what you need to let go of.
Give yourself permission to move on and forward with your life. Give yourself permission to let go of the trash and garbage of energy that no longer serves you. It's ok to move on and live from a place of delight and sunshine. When we haven't ever really lived from that place, we can be a little scared to move into new territory or new possibilities - or, we may not even know that we CAN live that way - that it is even possible. Well, it is. We just have to be willing to let go of the old stuff and open our arms and heart wide for the new wonders to come in.
The more that you can accept this new way of feeling, and believe that you deserve it - the more you commit to it and decide that you will have this and choose this over the old way of being, the more you open the path way for it to be able to stream into you and be there for you. The key is identifying what has blocked it, which you are now doing, by writing in, and then going for it with all of your heart, and full on.
It is also important to let go of any sense or feelings of being defeated. When you wrote the last line of your letter, that is the energy coming through from you. Feeling Defeated also comes from "Not caring for the self." This is the core lesson you have come in to learn and transform in this lifetime. To care for yourself. To love and nurture yourself. To fully and totally cherish and value and delight in who you are. To be a ray of sunshine, for yourself - and this, then, brilliantly flows out into life and touches everything and creates a happy and successful and loving life.