"Since a heartbreaking divorce, I feel my life force is slowly being drained from me."
I am not sure how I came across your site except thru divine intervention. I have an array of issues, but I will start with what to me is most pressing. I have been dealing with a multitude of issues since a heartbreaking divorce that happened about 11 years ago, and since that time I feel my life force is slowly being drained from me. I am sure the issues didn't start there. But since this divorce, I have manifested finances, but can't seem to ever retain them. As soon as it comes, it is gone for some reason. I have not been able to fall deeply in love, and when I did think it was love, it was with a married man. I know this is wrong, and carried its own set of negative energies I brought upon myself. I am praying for the strength to cut the cord that exists between me and this person. I often meet nice available people but won't allow any true feelings to manifest. I'm not sure I even know how to feel anymore. It's weird, but I often feel very content being alone raising my kids. Could be due to growing up in domestic violence as child.
Since all of this has transpired, I feel a lot of negative energy directed towards me in the past 5-6 years, and it hits me so hard that I instantly feel drained, depressed and confused. I am not sure if I am energy sensitive, because it's almost as if I can feel the invasion. The home that I live in seems to carry its own negative energy stemming from a different situation that could be with the previous home owners. Living here is not comfortable most of the time. This energy in my home is wreaking havoc not only on me, but also on my children, especially my eldest son, who can feel the shift, and often gets severe migraines since he has been back from college. He stated that the house feels very heavy and dark, and I know the feeling, because I feel the same. I work from a home office in my home, and the energy is causing many issues, and I am very concerned that it will impact my position. I was previously fired from a job 3.5 years ago, less than a year after I purchased this home. I am definitely being impacted in my ability to move forward in both relationships and doing the work that aligns with my soul's purpose.
I used to be a very outgoing and intuitive person, who knew what she wanted, and was able to help so many people even during my painful divorce, and was not afraid to take a risk professionally or to pursue a calling. I have always felt called to something greater, but now I feel so confused most of the time, and always in search of something to fix the energy issues that are plaguing me, my home, and family. I should mention my mom lives with me too. Interestingly enough, when I am driving in my car, away from the house, or traveling for work (away from my home), I feel very clear and purposeful. My son mentioned the same thing. He hasn't been able to find employment since being back home from college either, but has decided to go to law school. He can get motivated, but can't sustain it... seems to be the trend here. My middle son struggles to excel in the sport he loves, and seems so frustrated most of the time from feeling stuck. My mom had hard times pretty much her entire life... sometimes I wonder if it's her energy. I feel bad for her. My daughter who just turned 11 is the only one who seems to rise above. Although she did ask me to sage her and her room, because she didn't feel right a month ago.
What are the negative energies that are plaguing me, my family, home and finances? Do I need to move to another house in the city? It would be great to move, but the area I want to live in is not in my budget, although I feel if I wasn't stuck on fighting negative energy, I could manifest the resources needed to live where I wanted, but I also don't want to transition the negative energy to a new space if it is attached to any of us or the things in our current space. I have tried sage, essential oils, herbs, sea salt, etc. Maybe I am not doing things right or maybe I need assistance outside myself, which is what I feel to be the case, especially since I had a dream where it was spoken clearly that I needed to see a Shamanic Healer. Today I felt the worst, and I don't even want to write the thoughts that were going thru my mind as I know they weren't thoughts I would normally think.
Thank you so much in advance for allowing the spirit to use you to help me and my family.
Hello. Basically what is showing up and coming through for you is the issue of self hatred. Not accepting the self. I think that perhaps this energy so permeates your home that everyone feels it and has been affected by it. It seems that this energy for you is coming from something that happened when you were in the womb. So this goes back a long, long way, and will be a very deep and hidden injury.
When I asked if this was about a negative entity or outside energy in your home, I got a no. I think it is a powerful energy that you have carried around within yourself since the get go. I get a strong yes on that. And it is causing a lot of stress, but also it has caused, and is still causing DISCONNECTION. There is a big issue of disconnection going on, and if this started in the womb, it makes sense to me why these other problems are arising for you and your children. Not being able to sustain a connection, or make a healthy connection seems to be the issue. Big yes on this.
So, there are a couple of ways to work with this. Think about this issue when working with this as a womb memory or injury:
One is to call someone who can help you release and heal this. One of the best people I know, whom I worked with for many years, is Sue Gurnee. You can look her up online, at Growing Wheel, and see about contacting her for an appointment. She offers them over the phone.
Another way might be to sit in meditation or prayer, and ask to see just what this womb injury/memory was that you experienced. It definitely had you go into self hatred and not accepting yourself. I think that once you find out what this is, do the work to heal it, and then realize that you can hold a new and better energy toward yourself, within yourself, things will truly begin to clear up.
In the meantime, I would smudge the house, for 2 days, asking that all negative energy that has been held there from this issue be released.
It may be that Sue, if you contact her, will be able to see more of this then I can, and perhaps there are other factors at work here. But this is what I am being shown. When you clear this for yourself, also ask that it be cleared for your family, your children, so it does not continue to pass down through the generations.
Your physical home is representative and symbolic of yourself - your being, which is the 'home' for your soul... so if things do not feel good in your home, this usually means that you do not feel good in your own inner home, yourself.
Warm regards and blessings, Ayal