"I've been trying to find where I fit workwise my entire working life."
I've been trying to find where I fit workwise my entire working life. I'm a highly sensitive person whose marketing skills are really not very good at all. I'm a writer, have had two essays and a short story published and wish to continue with that. I'm really a very creative person. I love to draw, and am enjoying playing with paints etc like a child, when I am able. I did art therapy back in 2008 and it was one of the defining times of my life. I love inner work, active imagination, daydreaming.
Unfortunately, all of that stuff is not easily transferable to work, at least not if you are finding a job for someone else to give you. I am more than happy to carve my own way, if and when my health allows, to find work that is meaningful to me. I have an idea for a business that is bubbling away slowly on a backburner, an idea for a creative space for adults, where creativity and imagination combine with wonderful thinkers and dreamers and speakers. I have quite a few ideas around this dream, it feels like the most solid dream I've ever had. I just need to find the right people to take along with me. So we'll see how that goes.
The dream I just spoke of is a long-term thing. Short-term, I am doing work from home that is very difficult and draining for me, and I would like to develop something, maybe a little niche, that I could do in the meantime that is not so horrid. Any insights would be most appreciated.
Hi... it sounds to me as if you have some wonderful ideas cooking away - they sound very intriguing and beneficial for many. The issue here is what is stopping you from manifesting these wonderful dreams out into the world?
The answer that came to this question is the following: you have fear that is blocking you. When we think that the world is not a safe and friendly place - when we are in fact, caught in a big pattern of belief about this - it almost shows up as an "allergic reaction" to others, to the world. We don't feel as if we fit in because we hold ourselves back in order to protect ourselves from what we believe to be some form of threat. The ego, which is there to protect us and keep us safe, comes in and establishes a kind of heavy energy in the form of a belief that tells us that in order to be safe, we must stay hidden, or hold back, or some other kind of strategy in the form of a belief that is designed to keep us safe. Because somewhere along the way, we have experienced some kind of trauma, and because it is the ego's job to keep us safe, in order to not experience that kind of trauma again, it develops that kind of belief system.
However, because that kind of belief system is made up of heavy energy, when we want to be "lighter", or manifest something, and evolve into something new, it is difficult because that heavier belief system is already in place telling us not to, and we have, then, over many years, formed a habit of behavior.
It is important, then, in order to be a part of the world, and have what you want to offer be received and succeed, you must let go of the old belief system. You can't "fit in" if you believe that opening yourself up to the world and to others is not a safe thing to do, or that you will be rejected or harmed, or abandoned. This kind of belief system can have layers to it, and it can go deep, so take your time unraveling the layers and allowing yourself to see more and more of it, and how you have lived your life from it, bit by bit. Be gentle with yourself and know that it got created as an act of love to keep you safe. Now, however, you don't need it anymore.
Because you are now more ready and want to offer your wonderful sensitivity and visions to the world, that means that i is time to have a talk with your ego, to get in touch with what this old belief system is and where it came from - why it got created - and then tell your ego that it has a new job. It's new job is now to protect the Light of your vision - to protect the new light energy you are choosing to hold and manifest out into the world. In order to do this, once you have explored and decided to release the old heavy energy of fear, then you allow yourself to feel what this light energy feels like - to feel how it would be to have this dream manifested and successful and flowing and radiating out into the world, serving many - the joy you feel with it, and the joy others will feel. Then you show that to your ego, and ask it to take on this new job of protecting the light.
Because you are already a visionary who enjoys this kind of work, it will come easily to you.