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Clearing the Way

"How do I get through to my husband to support him in his work?"

I'm writing you today for your advice about being a wife and knowing my place.

As I told you before, my husband works from home. After many years in the financial field in the City of London, when the market crashed he decided to come out of it all together as it was drying his soul (I'm sure he used different words though!!). After many attempts of starting something new, he casually got into commodities around a year ago. It has being a leaning curve, especially because I usually remind him that life has been his school since then, and whoever he gets in contact with, offers him some kind of free training... if this makes any sense at all.

I'm ever so proud of him, he is trying so hard to make this happen and give us a better future and also something that defines him as an individual. But I find myself at odds right now.

I have noticed since last year, that this new field is full of unstable people who have no notion of boundaries and personal space. They are on some sort of ego trip, they usually make things up to better themselves and close a deal (there is potentially huge money involved!)... only that there has no been a deal so far.

So now I worry. For my husband and also for us, because this seems to be taking ages while he keeps on attracting these nutcases who waste his time and drain his energy.

So what do I do? As a wife, companion and best mate. What is my place?

Do I tell my husband that, so far, we have not seen any of this big money (at all... it feels like my husband has been on a scholarship with life since last year) and it may well just carry on this way so... this may not be the right field after all?

Do I tell him to carry on even though there is no proof he will ever land a deal and he will probably carry on bumping into these mad random people?

Do I tell him, once again, that he should really acknowledge he is attracting this? I have tried before but he is not there yet... and maybe this is not his path.

So how do I get through him from where he is right now at? How do I still support him without compromising our future? Do we really need to go through this while, maybe, this is not what we are meant to be doing after all? Am I worrying and attracting other things?

I've recently decided I'd love to be a holistic life coach, and I wanted to ask you if you feel anything in this regards?

So how can I help others if I can't help my own husband to see sense? And would my intrusion be excused, as a wife, if I should tell him he is just wasting his time? We are using all our savings and I'm trying my hardest to stay positive and believe with every bone it's just a phase..

I feel it is not a case this happening at the time when I'm really thinking I want to empower others...Truth is, I don't think everybody can look at life the same way, and of course should my husband accept that he is creating these random nutcases in our lives (am I too???) it'd be so much easier...

But it's not really like that, is it Ayal?

So yes, here I am, in old London town, wondering if all this makes any sense, if I should put an end to my husband's (and mine too!!) dream of a very comfortable life... if I should just appreciate how hard he is trying. He even understood how important is to have some silence and stillness through the day. As he works from home, he now has a bit of time in quiet and he's been to the park on his own few times! Shall I just leave everything in God's hand and trust?

What I am being shown is that what this concerns for YOU, is your own fear. When we deny our own power, then others seem threatening to us,or – the behavior of others, what is going on for them in their lives, or their journey, bothers us and feels threatening. Then we want to step in to fix it because we, ourselves are feeling frightened or disturbed in some way.

I asked if this has anything to do with your husband, in terms of what I need to be sharing with you or addressing, and the answer was a firm no. This is about you and your need to claim your own power and to face your own fears. Since you are concerned about "nut cases" being attracted, then the key is to see where in your life you fear people whom you think to be crazy? Where did YOU experience such people in your life – where did you believe or think that others were "crazy", and it scared you? And, there may be other similar questions to ask yourself and explore. Then, you need to release the fear and the belief system that has you frightened.

One other aspect of this for you regarding why you don't or haven't yet claimed your own power is that you are "allergic to someone." What this means is that when we react against something or someone, which we call an allergy, there is a reason for it. Again, it is most often because there is some form of fear or trauma around it. Since this issue for you revolves around your husband, and most of your concerns seem to revolve around him and your relationship with him, this tells me that something about him, or being married, or being in a relationship is frightening in some way to you. When we are in a close relationship, it is a testing ground for us regarding many things:

  • Can we stand up for ourselves?
  • Can we speak our truth firmly and without fear?
  • Can we make our own choices and live our own life the way we choose to?
  • Do we cave in and allow others to violate our space, over rule us, invade our boundaries – not be a doormat, in other words?
  • Do we constantly feel overpowered or belittled?

When we marry, the husband or wife is an image of unresolved issues we have had and still have in our lives – usually from the father or mother. If you felt disempowered with either or both of your parents, or even a sibling, etc., and this is still unfinished business for you, you will attract a partner who will mirror or represent these same issues for you.

The key is not to fix them, but to explore and heal yourself.

REMEMBER: IT'S NEVER ABOUT ANOTHER PERSON, PLACE, OR THING.

Everything is a mirror for YOU.

If you go about trying to control and fix others, you are not facing your own issues – you will still be denying your own power. Control is still all about fear. When we can allow others to freely go about their own journey their own way, and we feel safe and solid and trusting the process within ourselves, then there is nothing to fear.

You have not yet embraced fully facing your own fear. As long as you make it about someone else, you will still not face it.

I invite you to get the book by Esther and Jerry Hicks called The Vortex, which is a wonderful guidebook for relationships on a very high consciousness level. It will help you immensely and further you along in your journey and understanding.

Blessings, Ayal


533. "I'm confused and a bit ashamed as I feel in my heart that I love my mum more than I love my husband."

Click here to donate & send a question to Ayal:

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