How can I lift the energy in my relationship with my partner in my work life and life in general? My partner and I are very connected, we also recently started a business together and almost all energy is now directed in this. I really love him, but I have issues with trusting him (around other women in particular). I am always afraid he would leave me for a stupid reason. I know where the issues come from, they derive from childhood, my father had issues staying committed to my mom, me and my sister, and he still does. I know that this is the main reason for not allowing myself to commit fully. Also my partner had a traumatized childhood, his mother experienced a stroke when he was fairly young, and survived, then his father also suffered a stroke, and is on a wheelchair since, not able to talk. After the stroke of his father, his mother died from another stroke... so, he is also afraid to commit, but the reasons are different.
Both our fathers are alcoholics and extremely self destructive. I had big resentments towards my father, that I am resolving. I am not angry anymore but accepting him for who he is. My partner is helping me immensely to try to accept the pain and letting go of it, but it seems as a never-ending story, that is coming in the way of having a loving relationship with myself and my partner. So, the question is, how can I raise the energy in this relationship, to move forward with love, trust, joy, tolerance and acceptance?
We are so deeply connected to each other. Since we met 5 years ago, we both have changed so much for the better. We are both very intense and have strong desire to stay together, and work together (we are artists), but there always seems to be something blocking us. Is there a way I can help moving this energy that is blocking me, to move to the manifestation of my dreams? Thank you so much for your kind help.
Well, first of all, the fact that you and your partner have already made strides together is a great thing - that shows you that already you are on the right track and doing well! And you are right - it IS a never ending story... I think that understanding this is something of the utmost importance - I think we all want so badly to be there already - to have it all healed and finished... but, I don't know that it ever is. In a way, wanting it to be finsihed already says in so many words that we still are in fear and don't trust the process or the flow of life - we don't trust that it IS all OK and perfect just as it is - that the timing of the Divine plan is perfect. When we can trust that it IS all OK in each and every moment, we step beyond fear and into an amazing place. They say that "In the life of the Spirit, you are always at the beginning" - and I take this to mean that we are always learning and growing - that life is ever new - and that is a GOOD thing!
There are infinite levels to this refining process - just as one day finishes and the next begins, we are always starting anew - nothing ever "finishes", really - it just gets more and more refined, more clear, more radiant and healthy as we work on it, and we become more polished. So, if we can let go of any idea that we "ought" to "be better", or "aren't healed yet" or "aren't good enough yet ( thoughts and beliefs that reflect that we are not loving ourselves ), we make a big step forward and ease and Light our way.
You seem very aware of the issues involved - the key now is just to continue finding ways to continue to heal, to refine, get more clear, and polish yourself into a being who continues to become more and more radiant and healthy.
You both have issues of feeling deserted to work on. When these traumatic feelings come up, as you mentioned they do for you, feeling insecure, jealous, etc., all that one can do is recognize it, and let is pass through you. You "allow" it, instead of resisting it or labeling it as a "bad" thing. You recognize the pain and fear of it; you recognize where it comes from, and you don't act on it by blaming yourself or anyone else - you have already come a long way with this, from what you said about how you feel toward your father. Instead - and this is crucial and very important in order to heal - you sit through it, and sit with it - you be with it - feeling it, and let is pass, like a fever passes through the body. You don't resist it or judge yourself for it - you instead give yourself support and compassion and kindness as you go THROUGH whatever it is that has come up. You stay present with the wave of emotion, pain, feelings that rise up, and in this way, it is able to release and heal, bit by bit, layer by layer.
In doing this, you aren't saying that being jealous is ok, and that you will keep on being that way - but you don't judge it either. In this way, it doesn't stick to you. You lovingly accept that it is a wound and a fear you have, and you honor it by being with it, as you would be with a child who is sad or crying or hurt - you would just hold them - so you hold yourself by allowing yourself to feel whatever it is that has come up, knowing that it has come up so that it can be loved and then released. You are kind to yourself. You understand that it is a wounded place, you acknowledge that, and you treat yourself lovingly - just as you would take care of a physical wound, carefully and gently, you take care of an emotional wound in the same way - with love and tenderness and understanding. You stay present with the energy of it - even when it is very intense - and you open up your being and your tissues in that way to allow it to release.
As we mature in our self understanding, we learn how to take care of ourselves in this loving way - in this way we evolve and the energy of these old wounds begins to lessen and dissolve. It takes time - each time something comes up, we deal with it as an opportunity for self love to emerge - an opportunity to take good care of ourselves.
This is what you and your partner and learning - you both felt deserted and abandoned as children - and so your lesson is to not abandon yourself - to take good care of yourself, each of you, and in this way, when you can commit TO YOURSELF, you are learning then how to commit to another as well - to trust, not judge, and move beyond fear. You first begin to learn this by learning to trust yourself - that you will love yourself and not desert or abandon yourself - that you will take good care of yourself.
I am getting that your partner would benefit from doing some Emerson Birth Work (he can check this out online), if that called to him. For you, it is important for you to get into the mindset that "I AM an irrisistable magnet for miracles!" (A great mantra to say throughout your day!) Say to the Universe: "MORE of this, please!" Then, listen as Life whispers in your ear: "You're RIGHT! Let me show you MORE EVIDENCE of this!"
Open to this trusting of the flow of Life's goodness - like a flower opens to the sun....practice feeling this way, and much will change for you.