"I realize how important it is to stand my ground and to speak up for myself.... but I've always felt I don't count and that my opinion doesn't matter."
Hope you are well. I've spoken with you in the past and always found your guidance worthwhile and comforting. Over the last few years I've done a lot of work on myself although sometimes it feels like one step forward and two steps back. After a break up last year I was quite upset. Even though it was only a short term relationship, it affected me quite badly as it was my third break-up in only a year and a half and I'm in my thirties. I started doing lots of affirmations in the mirror to try to like myself more (definitely part of my problem as I always think guys will prefer someone else) but as I was saying these I started to focus on my teeth, the way they looked when I talked. I didn't like what I saw and decided they needed to be 'fixed'. Half way through the treatment, I was really pleased but my ortho persisted in doing a further treatment to finish them off as he saw it. I was nervous about this and didnt really want it done but as ridiculous it sounds I felt like I didn't have a choice. After he was finished, I felt numb.
For a month or so I thought my teeth looked ok but then there was a delayed reaction and I started having close to panic attacks abut how much I hate my teeth now and how I can never! have them back to the stage they were before. That was six months ago and I am still obsessing about how disgusting they look now. It's really affected my confidence. Whenever I talk to someone I just look at their teeth and wish mine were back to how they were (well at least halfway through the treatment). I know this must sound so shallow and self obsessed but it's how I feel and I really need to shake this off so I can move on with things. I've tried to tell myself that the best thing to take away from this is how important it is to stand my ground and to speak up for myself. I suppose in some ways I've always felt I don't count and that my opinion doesn't matter. I've tried hard to change all this in the last few years although I still haven't made a relationship work and now I feel so unattractive so it's doubtful I can meet anyone feeling like this. This probably all sounds ridiculous but it's really big in my head.
Hi - ok - let's get started.
The first thing that is showing up for you is the issue of grief - the energy of grief is usually stored in, or affects, the pancreas. So, the first thing that you need to do is get a supplement to support your pancreas. This also means, less, or even better, no sugar products. Also not eating processed food. This is very important for you, to get off sugar. Sugar lowers the ability to be connected to your inner guidance.
There is an issue you have come in to work on that has to do with feeling connected to others and to Nature. When we have this sense of connection, we have a deep sense of contentment. Nature is the place of transformation, of nurturing, and connectedness, and that is the place we need to go to when we are working on these things. If possible, I invite you to allow Nature to be your teacher and your nurturer - see if you can set up your life to be out in Nature at least 3 times a week - a private, safe place is best where you can sit or wander and really take it all in. I'd invite you to stay out in Nature during these jaunts for at least an hour or more. Allow yourself to feel how everything is working together, how everything is connected and is being nurtured and supported. Drink it in. And then send your love back to it. And gratitude.
I also invite you to get another reading, from an astrologer named Brad Williams. You can look him up on-line. He will very clearly go over with you what you have come in to work on in a way that will also be very helpful for you and bring the big picture into focus for you.
The issue with your teeth is a manifestation of your having fermenting thoughts over "perceived" past past hurts, and slights, and even perhaps desiring or wanting revenge. To release this, work with what is being offered here....to find peace within, we have to realize that no one has hurt us - we are simply evolving and working on those issues we came in to work on and clear up in order to grow into more beautiful and clear beings. When you allow your thoughts to wing freely in this way, you are loving and being compassionate with yourself - you see the strength and courage of your soul, and you find peace.
This issue of not feeling good enough or connected is an issue of not trusting your Source. When you are not connected to who you really are - the Divine spark within - then it is very difficult to connect with the energy of love or acceptance because you are not in tune with that energy - yet. Being out in Nature will help with this. Asking for it will help with this - asking the Divine presence/energy to grow this in you, open the doors to it for you. I would invite you, when doing this, to simply open up to it like a flower to the sun and allow the warmth and truth of it to come in. All you need to do is show up for it and be willing. To create a relationship to it.
To experience trust, an open heart must come forth. To help you get in touch with your clear heart energy, spend some time each day breathing directly into your heart, with very full, deep, gentle breaths. I'd say 2 times a day minimum, for 20 minutes each - but doing it as much as you can, remembering to do it throughout your entire day is best. Become aware of being in your heart throughout your day - if you find that you are not in your heart, but in your head/thoughts instead, go back into your heart - breathe into it, see yourself living in there, feeling cozy and warm and good.
You are needing to explore 2nd chakra energy more... this is where we grow in maturing our self understanding - how we stand on our own and take good care of ourselves. Growing self respect, self discipline, ambition, strength of character, the ability to handle crisis and generosity, the courage to take risks and to take action. It is all about how we relate to ourselves, and therefore how we will relate to others. Often we come in with issues of not knowing how to take care of ourselves, and so we expect others to do it for us. We are co-dependent. That creates an impossible set up/situation/let down. We never then, know our own goodness or strength. When we realize that we ARE good enough - when we finally arrive at loving and valuing ourselves, then we can take good loving care of ourselves, support ourselves, and give ourselves all the love and good feelings and delicious truth about ourselves that we need. Then, we magnetize to ourselves others who are also on this high, clear vibration/wavelength.
To work with your 2nd chakra, send gratitude and love to that place in your body - the sacral/pelvic area. See a beautiful glowing orange light there, and ask that anything that needs to be healed is healed, restored is restored, released is released, transformed is transformed. That whatever needs to be given, is given, for your Highest Good. I would do this once a day from now on. Let yourself bask and bathe in this beautiful orange glow.
The next thing that is showing up is to surround yourself in the pink shield of protection, in the morning and in the evening, every day. To do this, visualize yourself standing in a tube of pink light, about a foot away from your body, completely surrounding you. The pink energy is alive and emanates strong, loving energy - like a sun giving off strong rays of light. The pink light sends strong love inwardly to you and also sends love outwardly to anyone you meet. Nothing but Love can penetrate this wall of light that surrounds you now.
It is important for you to be willing to "give up illusions". The illusion that you aren't good enough. The illusion that you are not connected to life. Etc. Ask the Violet Flame to work with you on this - offer these illusions into the transforming energy of the Violet Flame, and see them dissolve. Whenever you find yourself in an illusion, call upon the Violet Flame, visualize it, and let it dissolve this for you. Check it out when you are feeling angry, sad, fearful, and see if you are caught in thinking something that is not true. Whatever, as you know, you believe will keep coming to you, so if you believe you are not good enough, you will create those feelings and situations to continue to prove /reinforce it, even if it is not true.
Say to yourself: "I am open to receive guidance how to release my negative connection with __________________"... and then just turn it loose and allow yourself to receive answers and support and transformation in whatever way it shows up for you.
In this lifetime, you have come in to learn how to be with people rather then retreat from them. There is an unconscious desire to retreat, and I think you will understand this better, where this comes from, if you decide to do some work with Brad Williams, the astrologer.
That's all for now.
With blessings, Ayal