"What is behind my obsessive thinking about existence and panic attacks?"
Hello Ayal, since I have last written you, I have been working on myself in several ways. I became attuned in Reiki 1 & 2. I also completed a Teacher Certification in Kundalini Yoga. My Teacher Training was very hard for me, and I wanted to get some insight from you with regard to this. I am wondering if my experiences as described below are related.
I enjoyed the Kundalini yoga course, but at some point in the course, I started to really feel how strange it was to be a human. I don't know if this was connected somehow to all the meditating I was doing. I also started to have some heat in my forehead area. I also started to develop panic attacks halfway through the course. I ended up taking a break for two of the eight weekends that the course was featured. I want to know if the panic attacks were related at all to any of my chakras opening, etc in your opinion.
I finally returned to the course. I did a night of chanting "Long Ek Ong Kaurs" and all of the symptoms of the panic attacks disappeared. I felt more radiant than ever before.
A few months later, my panic attacks returned somewhat. In the summer, I started having some obsessions about the weirdness of existence, and why do we exist, etc. It scared me. I then got distracted by other things in my life, and that helped.
A few weeks ago, I had a very bad panic attack. I had symptoms of lightheadedness, dizziness, heart palpitations, etc. Later, after the symptoms dissipated, I felt extremely scared. I felt like I am not safe anywhere. I became depressed. I was sleeping more, and eating less. I had some pain around my heart area. I have had my heart checked last year, and based on my visit with the cardiologist... I am healthy. However, my heart recently was hurting and I felt emotional.
Last week, I then started having obsessive thoughts about existence. I think about if there is a God, and what created us, and why we have evolved the way we have as humans, as in how we look. It has been horrible to question the only existence I know of. I also have started to feel like as humans, we can be so cruel and have hurt the planet so much.
I am wondering if you can give me any insight particularly with regard to why I am going through the panic attacks. Am I healing something? Is there a reason why I have to go through this? Does it have to do with anything regarding my heart chakra or a past life?
I am also wondering what is behind the obsessive thinking about existence? I don't know why I am doing it. Do you have any insight on that? I don't know if you are able to tell me if there is any imbalance in a chakra, or in my life?
I am also wondering what you can tell me about the heat in my forehead after meditating a lot. I think that's all. I am curious about what you might have to say.
Well, there seems to be some old karma going on here... you have some issues of pessimism going on that need to be cleared, that you are corded into. It is a scary place for you because it feels like walking off an abyss into nothingness. This is an issue of Faith – and when we have Faith, that is the opposite of what you are experiencing now – the fear of being obliterated and not existing. I think that what is happening is that as you are advancing forward in your consciousness with the yogic training, and as things are opening up for you, this issue has come forward to be healed. In an earlier stage of development, when you were more immature consciously, the lack of faith/meaning in the Universe was there as an issue – so there are remnants of it now that are surfacing to be released and transformed – and as they come up, it is bringing on this core, old Fear of there not being any meaning to anything.
I think it would help to sit in meditation and visualize yourself unwrapping these old cords of pessimism and fear from yourself. Twice a day, if you can, for 2 weeks. You can call also upon the angelic help of the archangels... especially Michael, who brings us that strength of the warrior and Faith/Knowingness.
Practice smiling through the eyes of the heart many times a day... this will connect you into your soul/heart energy, and the truth of that.
I think an aura-soma product will help you a lot with this, support you and help move you through it. If you go online and look up aura-soma, you will find some places to order it from. What you want is the equilibrium oil #74. This has to do with being harmonious and balanced, to clarify feelings, and it helps with anxieties and deep fears. You shake it first, smell it, then apply it around the circumference of the body in the heart and solar plexus areas. I'd do that at least 3 times a day for the next coupe of months.
Let me know how it goes for you, if you would.
Your chakras are fine, but it's always a good thing to clear them daily in meditation.
The heat in your forehead has to do with issues of depression and despair – I imagine that as you continue your yogic work, it will come up to be focused on and released. You can also, as you are working to heal the pessimism karma issue, ask that any despair issues be released and transformed. As you face these deep fears, the depression will lift. Depression is all about not facing the fears that we need to face and heal.