I want to make our marriage work but don't know how
It's a marriage issue. My husband and I are about to separate. We are talking at least now. I find I don't really know what to say. We have had a very difficult partnership, from my perspective. We had gotten together because I had become pregnant with his child, and we both wanted to make it work. He asked me to become his wife and I accepted, though not understanding what it meant to become a wife. He was my first boyfriend and now 7 years later, I am looking back and recognizing mistakes that we both made which affected our relationship negatively.
I would like to ask for some guidance. We have a five year old daughter, we both love her, and I still love him, but we are both hurt. Our defenses can go up, although right now I am so sad and tired that I don't have any more defenses. He believes that I am not being honest with him about what I metaphysically perceive, and he then won't trust me. I have no way of proving to him that I am honest, because he won't believe.
He has had a sharp pain in his head, on the right side I think, since we moved into my grandmother's house. We now have moved twice, and live far from my family in our own neighborhood. The pain is still there though, and anything I have tried to do to help him doesn't work. I have tried white light, reiki, meditation. Now, last week, he says to me that when he considers himself separate from me, the pain goes away and he starts to feel whole. I want to make our marriage work, I want to be able to connect like we did when we were dating, but I don't know how to make it happen. Ayal, am I at a dead end? Or is there something more we can do?
Hi. Well, I hear how disheartened and exhausted you are. There's usually nothing quite so painful and terrifying as the possibility of losing a relationship. But, energy CAN be transformed, once we see what it is that is needing to be shifted. That's often the trick - finding it.
Here's some of what's showing up. There IS an issue going on for you about not having integrity - and the reason it's been hard for you to find it is because it developed when you were in the womb. Did your mother feel at all unhappy or blame you for changing her life... was she unhappy about getting pregnant? Did she want to get pregnant? Because what is showing up is critical judgment and blame toward you when you were in the womb - and this pattern got deeply imprinted and ingrained into you. Do you offer criticism and blame to yourself or to others?
Because of this, there is a separation going on for you where you're not "walking your talk" - a separation from the Higher principles you profess, and what you actually do. This has really confused your husband. So, it would be good and crucial for you to look at that - do some profound meditations on this, go back to your time in the womb and see what you discover - see what you find, let yourself feel whatever it is you need to feel, as deeply as possible. Go with it, be fully present to feel whatever is stuck in there that needs to be felt, in order to fully release it. The way out is through. And then ask for Spirit to come in and help you heal it - ask for Grace and guidance and healing. Open to it. Then share and speak about this and what went on for you with your husband. You may need to do this meditation more then once.
You are needing to "own your femininity" more - and I think that as you release the old pattern of negative blame and judgment, this energy pattern will transform and will emerge as a more compassionate, feminine, accepting, embracing energy. He needs this from you.
I can't tell you whether or not it's for the best to let go of the marriage, but I do know that energy can be transformed miraculously, and each day is a new beginning. When we can put our finger on what is causing the difficulty, we can then transform and release it. Open up to this and know that you are an irristable magnet for miracles. Come from that place, instead of the exhaustion and despair you are feeling. I think it will be easier for you to do this as you do this womb work.
Did you know that you can also send Reiki back to the past, to any event or experience that was negative or traumatic or hurtful? I suggest that you send Reiki energy back to yourself in the womb, and also send it back to those times that were negative and hurtful in your relationship. Send it to the marriage as a whole, also. I'd do this twice a day for a week, at least, and as needed. Don't try to control it - just allow it to come in and go there and do its thing.
This is all I am being told to give you. It's a big one actually, and can cause a major shift for your energy.